South Carolina Republicans shrugged off ex-Gov.
Mark
Sanford's faults & returned him to Congress |
Mark Sanford won his seat back?
That wasn't hard to see:
Here, breathing and Republican
Is all you have to be.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Poverty in the suburbs has soared 64% in the last
decade, a new Brookings Institution study shows |
We dream of suburban prosperity,
But Brookings has found a disparity:
The suburbs have more
Of America's poor
Than our cities do now, in reality.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Though "anecdotal" evidence
Is always being dissed,
It doesn't mean fictitious
And it shouldn't be dismissed.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The IRS's acting commissioner resigned over the
agency's profiling of tea party groups applying for
tax exempt status, but the real scandal is that such
501(c)(4) "social welfare" organizations exist at all
|
A 501(c)(4)'s a way
For billionaires to hide
And buy our damn elections.
All their apps should be denied.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John
McCain's (R-AZ) Television Consumer
Freedom Act of 2013 faces stiff industry opposition |
Cable bill hitting you right in the crotch?
Paying for channels you don't even watch?
Then my legislation is perfect for you:
You'd just have to pay for the ones that you do.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Have you ever had a tsunami of shame
With
wave after wave crashing over your brain
Of all the mistakes you can't help but recall
That still make you feel about two inches tall?
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A day after Dodgers Manager Don Mattingly said
he felt good about their performance, the best paid
team in baseball lost their fifth straight game and
dropped to last place in the National League West |
The reason the Dodgers are coming up last
Is Mattingly doesn't know how to kick ass.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
These primitive people all covered in ink
Who utter the F word as often as blink
And don't lift the seat when they're taking a piss
Are lucky their mommies can't see 'em like this.
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Under a bipartisan reform bill, the path to citizen-
ship for 11 million undocumented immigrants would
depend on the Border Patrol halting 90% of illegal
entries, but no one knows how they'd do the math |
Securing the borders is Congress's goal,
'But 90 percent?' says the Border Patrol.
'The problem with that is as plain as can be:
How can we tally the ones we don't see?'
May, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The right to bear bombs?
The technology to put taggants in explosives to
help track their origin has existed for decades but
been opposed by Wayne LaPierre and the NRA |
If it were not for the NRA,
We'd have a far more efficient way
Of tracking a bomber;
The traceable powder
Itself would be giving the perp away.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Financial Services Committee Chairman Jeb
Hensarling (R-TX) said his panel won't hear the testimony of Consumer Financial Protection Bu-
reau
Director Richard Cordray because
he doesn't
think Pres. Obama legally appointed him. It's the
latest Republican move to undermine the agency |
To hell with consumer protection!
Consumers don't fund my election.
I'm sure they're aware
"Let the buyer beware."
That should be sufficient direction.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former First Lady Barbara Bush told NBC that she
doesn't favor a presidential run by son Jeb (l.) |
Should Jeb run for president
Just like his brother?
"We've had enough Bushes."
And that's from their mother.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sens. John McCain (R-AZ) and Lindsey Graham
(R-SC) called for the Boston marathon bomber sus-
pect to be held as an enemy combatant & tried in a
military tribunal, despite the government's excellent
record of convictions in similar terrorist bombings |
Re: Surviving Boston Bomber
It's creepy the way that they wanna whisk him
To Gitmo to try him on terrorism.
What's painfully plain
About Graham and McCain:
They don't have much faith in our justice system.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Reps. Janice Hahn and Maxine Waters (Ds-CA)
joined flight attendants at LAX Airport protesting
TSA's decision to re-allow small knives and other
potential weapons on planes starting April 25 |
I've always stuck up for the TSA.
Their job is a tough one, I like to say.
But where are their brains
Letting knives on a plane?
Didn't some major sh*t start that way?
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A gun buyback program
That's gonna succeed
Has gotta be geared
To a gun owner's needs.
You want my assault weapon?
Throw in a prize:
A penis enlargement,
And I name the size.
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
4 out of 5 Americans support stronger background
checks for gun buyers, but 31 of 100 U.S. Senators
tried to block such a bill from coming to the floor
for debate, including Marco
Rubio (R-FL) |
What kind of moron blocks gun control?
According to every opinion poll,
The bulk of the nation
Supports legislation,
But these little f*cks tried to stop it cold:
Senators Who Voted
To Filibuster S.649:
Barrasso (R-WY)
Begich (D-AK)
Blunt (R-MO)
Boozman (R-AR)
Coats (R-IN)
Cochran (R-MS)
Cornyn (R-TX)
Crapo (R-ID)
Cruz (R-TX)
|
Enzi (R-WY)
Fischer (R-NE)
Grassley (R-IA)
Hatch (R-UT)
Inhofe (R-OK)
Johanns (R-NE)
Johnson (R-WI)
Lee (R-UT)
McConnell (R-KY)
Moran (R-KS)
Murkowski (R-AK)
|
Paul (R-KY)
Portman (R-OH)
Pryor (D-AR)
Risch (R-ID)
Roberts (R-KS)
Rubio (R-FL)
Scott (R-SC)
Sessions (R-AL)
Shelby (R-AL)
Thune (R-SD)
Vitter (R-LA)
|
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Petitions with 2.3 million signatures were delivered
to the White House opposing Pres. Obama's plan to
cut Social Security benefits by tying
them
to a slow-
er moving consumer price index, the Chained CPI |
Base to Obama
We're used to Republicans trying to screw
With Social Security; now we got you?!
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. has stayed at war for 12 years under com-
manders in chief with no military experience of it |
Ya don't know how to fish till you've caught one;
How to shop for a car till you've bought one.
So then how 'bout a law
Where you can't start a war
Unless you have actually fought one?
April, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even though most Americans favor universal back-
ground checks & an assault weapons ban, their rep-
resentatives in Congress look unlikely to deliver |
See, Newtown was Congress's test.
They failed, but who'd expect less?
You can't get reform
In a town where the norm
Is to go with whoever pays best.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Congress for Slackers
There's an issue you'd rather let slide?
Say it's something the states should decide.
There's a program you'd rather not fund?
Say it's something the states oughta run.
There's a chance you may have to work late?
Put whatever it is on the states,
And we'll see you for drinks around 8.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A guy who's as smart as the boss is
Has not figured out what the cost is
Of killing by drone
From the comfort of home,
With all those "collateral
losses?"
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"My administration is the only thing between you
and the pitchforks," Pres. Obama told top bankers
at
the White House in 2009. Indeed, they've gotten
off
easy under his Justice Department and FDIC |
Banksters
What they've done to the country's a crime.
How come not even one's doin' time?
If you make the connection,
That takes some protection
From pretty damn far up the line.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Defense had the right name before:
They called it Department of War.
(To call it "defense"
Kinda smacks of pretense
When you're in 60 countries or more.)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Washington figures from Leon Panetta to John Mc-
Cain have advocated arming the Syrian rebels, but
now
the L.A. Times reports that some militants are actually being considered for drone hits
by the CIA |
The Syrian rebels--let's arm 'em.
Or better yet, maybe, let's bomb 'em.
(It's comforting news when
Your leaders are clueless
On whether to help 'em or harm 'em.)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The first pope from the Americas is a public rela-
tions boost for the scandal-ridden Vatican, though
his views are as hidebound as his predecessors' |
Pope Francis Charms St. Peter's Square
No wonder they're making a fuss.
A pope who's been taking the bus
And asks for your blessing--
That's kind of refreshing.
If only the rest of him was.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The lasting effect of an urban space
And living in such a congested place
Is slowly but surely
You start to think rurally,
You're so outta love with the human race.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even after the Affordable Care Act was upheld by
the Supreme Court and the Democrats maintained
control of the White House and Senate,
Rep. Paul
Ryan
(R-WI) said the GOP-controlled House
would
vote again to repeal
it (for the 35th time) |
"The Democrat party. Obamacare."
I think they're still tryin' to insult us there.
If only these zeds
Could just get through their heads
That we won and we're not goin' anywhere.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After Cardinal Roger Mahoney's role in concealing clergy sex abuse from authorities was revealed, he
was relieved of public duties but continues to cel-
ebrate Mass and will help choose the new pope |
I moved around priests who were
preying on boys;
Put 'em where nobody'd
make any noise.
Now I'm in Rome where we're
choosing a Pope
(Someone as upright as
I am, I hope).
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many politicians calling for drastic cuts to Ameri-
ca's safety net are supported by corporations that
haven't paid federal income taxes in years |
Back when our leaders were resolute
Not to let people get destitute,
They taxed you and me
And the powers that be.
Not like these corporate prostitutes.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
If corporations are people
And prostitution's illegal,
How do our congressmen
Stay outta jail then,
Bein' they're always spread eagle?
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lech Walesa, the leading figure in Poland's over-
throw of communism, said that if gays should be
in Parliament at all, they should sit in the back,
"or even behind a wall" |
It sounds like a bit of hypocrisy
For someone who battled autocracy,
But Lech says that gays
Shouldn't have any place
At the table in Poland's democracy.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
We'll get the government out of your life!
As every billionaire Tea Party backer knows, in-
stitutions that can be wrested from the public do-
main
are big opportunities for the private sector,
from schools to mail delivery to social security |
It's all about privatization.
The more they can strangle the nation,
The more they can run
When we're all out of funds.
There's money in crisis creation.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No band of brothers: Despite the efforts of his old friend John McCain (above) and other Republicans
to derail
his appointment, Chuck Hagel was con-
firmed
as
Secretary of Defense--the first Vietnam
veteran, and
first
enlisted soldier, to hold the post |
Rabid Republicans
The way that they tried to finagle
A way to block Senator Hagel
From heading Defense,
You're left with the sense
They're not all that mentally stable.
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) took on Defense Sec-
retary nominee Chuck Hagel in Senate hearings, he looked & sounded like the late Sen. Joe McCarthy |
Ted Cruz has been getting some blowback
For being too much of a throwback
To Joseph McCarthy
(Whose vicious malarkey
Caught up with him; doesn't he know that?)
March, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was reprimanded by others
on the Senate Armed Services Committee for mak-
ing baseless charges against Sen. Chuck Hagel, who
went
on to be confirmed as Secretary of Defense |
Why does a Senator Cruz
Give me a case of the blues?
Cuz he wouldn't be there
If millions did not share
His stupid, maniacal views.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Who wants their name on a grain of rice?
Even if somebody does it nice,
What would ya do with it
Once he gets through with it?
Seems kinda silly at any price.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though it may help him win GOP primaries,
Sen. Marco Rubio's extreme voting record
would be a liability in a general election |
They need someone different, 'n fast,
But look at the votes that he's cast:
He's more 'a the same
With an "o" on his name.
"Republican savior," my ass.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The president's State of the Union address was a
hard
act to
follow for Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL),
whose dry mouth was understandable given the weakness
of his case |
We're always so ready to smirk
At one of their silly ass
quirks
That most of us miss
The insidiousness
Of the arguments outta these jerks.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With a potential loss of a million jobs, the seques-
ter--$85 billion in across-the-board spending cuts
over the next seven months, $1.2
trillion over the
next ten years--will begin
in
March
unless Con-
gress
acts, but it's on break till the end of February |
A ticking time bomb for the nation
Is what you could call sequestration.
A million-plus jobs
Could be lost if these slobs
Don't resolve it, but they're on vacation.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though ex-Vietnam POW Sen. John McCain (R-
AZ)
should understand better than anyone the
high
cost &
low return of lengthy foreign wars, he
continues
to
press for more involvement overseas,
and
to oppose those who think differently,
like
Defense Secretary nominee ex-Sen. Chuck Hagel |
The question we seem to ignore
Is, Why aren't we winning these wars?
And if we can't win 'em,
Then why are we in 'em
Still, after four decades or more?
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
To help fight "the insurgency" after U.S. troops exit Afghanistan by the end of 2014, the Pentagon will commit $1.2 billion to more than double the num-
ber
of fighters in the Afghan local police. The rural
force, shown with villagers, has a shady reputation |
Afghanistan: Twelfth Year
We've kabulled together a strategy
To exit this f*cking calamity:
We'll throw some more dough
At their fighters (Who'll go
With the Taliban later, unhappily).
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Oil-funded think tanks have been so successful at
demotivating Americans about climate change
that
the opportunity to slow it may be lost forever |
Don't wanna go work at a big bank.
I see myself more at a think tank:
You just sit around
And pretend you're profound,
And nobody knows you're a big skank.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Alternative medicine guru Gary Null continues
to rail against
the FDA on his radio
show even
after
being poisoned and
almost
killed
by tak-
ing his own unregulated dietary
supplement |
The most grating expert of all
Would have to be that Gary Null.
For hours he'll sell ya
His crap as he tells ya
How great he is. How f*cking dull.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans
are considering changes to how
elec-
toral
votes are awarded that would have
handed
the
2012 presidential election
to Mitt
Romney,
even
though
he
lost
by nearly five million votes |
"America's changing, I fear--
We can't win the White House from here."
"Agh, we can win big--
We just have to rig
The electoral college, my dear."
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Democrats 2016
May I do a little confidin'?
There's somethin' I kinda been hidin'.
Everyone's bettin'
On Hillary Clinton,
But I'm kinda likin' Joe Biden.
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Get out in the country and F*ck!
Does everyone have a black truck?
Is this a reprise
Of the old Model T's?
Since when does variety suck?
February, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Even though W's gone,
His crowning achievement lives on:
He started a war
There was no reason for,
And handed Iraq to Iran.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was
hired as a contributor by CBS News, which said
she
"will use her insight and vast experience to
ex-
plore
issues facing America at home and abroad" |
How can the "experts" who just stank
Still get a job at a think tank
Or on the TV?
You'd think we would be
Tired of gettin' our chains yanked.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The Samuel Pepys of his time--
Except that he does it in rhyme.
There's really no beating
This Robert C. Keating...
The fact that he's broke is a crime!
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Moved to the right by the anti-European Union
UK Independence Party, PM David
Cameron
vowed to seek trade concessions
from
the
EU and
put Britain's continued membership to a
national
vote should his party be returned to power |
Elect me and here's what we'll do:
Decide if we leave the EU.
(I know it's a tease
But the UKIP's
Up my ass, so I need something new.)
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Dave Heineman (R-NE) approved a new
route for the Keystone
XL pipeline that would
carry Canadian tar sands oil
over the Ogallala
aquifer,
one
of the
world's largest
groundwater
supplies.
Pres. Obama will make the final call |
Keystone XL
A pipeline that crosses an aquifer?
The downside sounds rather spectacular,
Since all it would take
Would be one little break
And we're ratf*cked, to use the vernacular.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A court-martialed Marine sergeant pleaded guilty
to desecrating the remains of Taliban fighters in a
video seen worldwide. "I have no excuse," he said |
Believe this Afghanistan mess?
We pissed on their corpses, no less.
Remember that line
Where we'd "win hearts and minds?"
Could take a bit longer, we'd guess.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Facing an imminent U.S. credit downgrade,
House GOP leadership announced a plan to extend the
debt ceiling for 3 months without spending
cuts |
"GOP promises debt ceiling fight."
Jesus H. Christ, am I hearing that right?
Don't they all know
From their last little go
What they did to America's borrowing might?
...Or, God forbid, are they just not that bright?
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Interior Secretary Ken Salazar,
who announced he's resigning, enraged environmentalists for letting Shell
Oil drill in the
Arctic Ocean off Alaska, two years
after the Gulf BP disaster occurred on his watch |
Who cares if he's leaving Interior?
His record was kind of inferior
At keepin' the Chevrons
And BPs 'n Exxons
From putting it up our posterior.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the wake of the Newtown CT school massacre, Pres. Obama announced sweeping, long overdue proposals to reduce gun violence. Acknowledging
the fight ahead in Congress, he said change would
not
happen unless the American people demand it |
On curbing the violence from guns,
Some movement is better than none.
What's troubling is
It took such little kids
To finally get something done.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Climate change, population growth and destruction
of natural ecosystems are driving us toward
an ir-
reversible change in the biosphere, scientists warn |
Earth
Give me that bottle and pass the joint--
We've already gone past the tipping point.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Continued U.S. support for Afghan Pres. Karzai,
who visited this week, recalls its support of South
Vietnam's corrupt leadership through a long war...
except that one ended by Democrats defunding it |
Obama's been meeting with Karzai.
How come we're still dealing with this guy
And propping him up
When we know he's corrupt?
We'll never get outta this pigsty.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
My bad! Glad we're okay |
Home robbed after teen--this is funny--
Posts pictures of grandmother's money
On Facebook, no less.
It's Grandmother's guess
How someone could raise such a dummy.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The last
debt ceiling fight cost us a credit downgrade
and $19 billion in
higher borrowing costs
over
the
next decade, but here we go again |
GOP Promises New Debt Ceiling Fight
What happened to "loyal opposition?"
This gang could be hanged for sedition,
The way that they messed up
Our credit and showed not
A hint of concern or contrition;
In fact, plan another edition.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Justice Dept.'s prosecutions of Transocean
over
the deadly Gulf oil rig explosion and HSBC
for
Mexican drug money laundering were the
lat-
est
to
end with big fines and no one going to jail |
The worst 'a these corporate crimes
Are settled today with a fine--
'Zif makin' 'em pay
What they make in a day's
Gonna change 'em like, say, doin' time.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What happened to "the fierce urgency of now?"
Though the world faces catastrophe unless green-
house gas emissions
peak
by
2020, Pres. Obama
reportedly will not seek
a carbon tax or any oth-
er
broad
climate
change
measures in his 2nd term |
His foes are so frickin' malevolent,
I hate to be less than benevolent--
But till he gets hopping
On climate change-stopping,
This president's kind of irrelevant.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Buy "this" and you'll get one for nothin'!
That's great unless "this" isn't somethin'
You actually need
And you're lettin' your greed
Make
you take any deal they're runnin'...
If that be the case,
Throw your coupons away
And the savings'll really be stunning.
January, 2013
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Money rules Washington--that's nothin' new;
Money is what makes 'em do what they do.
Even the "good" ones who look like they care
Put out for someone or wouldn't be there.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama's offer to cut the inflation adjustment
for Social Security was opposed by many progres-
sives who argued that as a non-contributor to the
deficit, Social Security should be exempt from
the
so-called "fiscal cliff" negotiations |
Social Security
We've paid for it out of our payroll;
The payouts have always been stable;
It's not in the deficit;
So, Mr. President,
Why is it now on the table?
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After CO and WA citizens voted to legalize mari-
juana despite federal law, Seattle's police
depart-
ment
was the first to publish a guide to legal use |
Whether I like it or not,
I gotta get off 'a the pot.
It's taken the drive
I need to survive
And somepum else, but I forgot.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY,
on right), now the least popular senator according
to
Public Policy Polling, hit a new low when he fili-
bustered
his own debt-ceiling bill |
It's always the same with these guys!
They're not givin' up on the lies.
The "cliff" that we're facing
Is of their own making;
That's why they're so widely despised.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With gays now able to serve openly in
the military
and marry in nine states including NY,
West
Point
Chapel held its first same-sex wedding,
between
Penelope Gnesin (l.) &
alumna Brenda Sue
Fulton |
I guess they're appealing enough,
'Fya like taking orders and stuff.
I wouldn't disparage
The service or marriage,
But both of 'em? That'd be rough.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With global carbon pollution up again last year by
3%, scientists say it is unlikely that global warm-
ing
can be limited to 2 °C. Gases released by
melt-
ing permafrost (above) are accelerating the trend |
We'll need a word stronger than "dire"
As carbon emissions go higher.
Face it or else:
As the permafrost melts,
We're throwin' more gas on the fire.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Palestinian Pres. Mahmoud Abbas (l.) with United Nations
Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon.
The
UN
General
Assembly voted 138-9 to recognize a Pal-
estinian state, an embarrassing diplomatic defeat
for the U.S. which sided with Israel against it |
It isn't that much of a mystery
Why Uncle Sam's butt is so blistery:
He's Israel's bitch
And he's been on her fist
For most 'a their 60 year history.
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America has hundreds of thousands less teachers
than
it had three years ago, thanks to Republican
measures to reduce the deficit at all costs,
even
at
a time of record low borrowing costs |
Republicans vs. Teachers
They're not gonna fund education!
(There's too big a f*cking temptation
To cut it to shreds
When their future depends
On a less than intelligent nation.)
Devember, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since the Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley inquiries came to light, a lot more has been written
about
the
conduct of Gens. John Allen
(l.) & David Petraeus
toward women
than about their conduct
of
the
U.S.'s longest
war. But the real news is that their counter-insurgency
strategy in Afghanistan
isn't working, any more than it did
for the Soviets
there,
or the
Americans
in Vietnam or French in Algeria |
America's big into pilin' on
When something salacious is goin' on,
But isn't the sin
That these generals don't win
The one we should really be focused on?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What price energy independence? As climate change worsens, should we really be using corn for ethanol
and water for fracking? |
Ya know how they were finally screwed?
They used up all their water and food
Manufacturing gas
(Had their heads up their ass,
But they're gone now, so let's not be rude).
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, is changing the
face of America even hundreds of miles from
where
it's done. In Wisconsin, oil and gas compa-
nies
are paying farmers to mine their land for sand
which,
along with with millions of gallons of water
and
chemicals, is used to blast underground shale
formations and unlock oil and gas |
They're mining my farmland for sand--
Each month I been gettin' ten grand.
Yeah, frackin' is scary
But try that with dairy--
'Least somethin' I got's in demand.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), shown with Pres.
Bush
in 2004,
met with reporters to
demand "Watergate-
style"
hearings
on the killings
of four
Americans
in
Benghazi while missing a
classified briefing
on
the
subject
taking place
in
his own committee |
American Dead: Iraq 4486, Benghazi 4
McCain's gone berserk on Benghazi--
But where in Bumf*ckistan was he
When W. lied
And so many died?
Thinks this is more scandalous, does he?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Democrats welcomed Rep. Nancy Pelosi's
plan to stay as their leader, despite Republicans'
winning control of the House in 2010 and retain-
ing it
this year, when gerrymandering affected
the
outcome more than actual votes did
|
Pelosi's no failure, considering
What kept the House red was redistricting.
If districts had been
Same as 2010,
She'd be Speaker again, and delivering.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Happy Traveler
The way that these places are sold,
You'd think that they treat ya like gold.
But half 'a the time,
Ya can't even find
A fridge that is actually cold.
The f*cker's unplugged,
There's bugs in the rug,
And everything's smellin' like mold.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
All of Fox News's pundits gave the election to Mitt
Romney; Dick Morris (above) predicted a landslide |
OutFoxed
The man who helped Clinton "triangulate"
Thought Romney was just gonna dominate.
And so did Karl Rove
And all 'a those schmoes.
Not one of 'em picked the right candidate.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Florida, voting took hours & counting took days |
Well any day now, we'll know how it went
When Florida voted for president.
Before next election,
Though, let's send the Feds in
And clean up this little embarrassment.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"What time is it?" "Amost half past."
"Well, thank you." "No wait, not so fast:
You're gonna be getting
A survey--please tell 'em
My service was just unsurpassed."
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I stayed on the phone all Election Day,
Just helpin' the prez in my little way...
And though it was fun
(Even more when we won),
Can't wait till this hemorrhoid goes away.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's not just the lies and hypocrisy
That made his election so hard to see.
It's also the fact that,
From dumb wars to tax cuts,
We'd already tried all his policies.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The "single most important thing" Republicans
wanted to achieve, said Senate Minority Leader
Mitch McConnell, was for "Pres. Obama
to be
a one-term president." They failed; now what? |
Now be a big boy and don't cry!
Instead of obstruct and deny,
When someone's won twice,
Ya know what'd be nice?
If maybe you worked with the guy.
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Ohio, Mitt Romney's false ads charging that the
auto bailout is resulting in GM and Chrysler ship-
ping American jobs to China earned rebukes from
both companies and newspapers throughout the
state, but polls showed him gaining there |
♪♫
Why, oh why, oh why, oh--
Why must he lie to win Ohio?
November, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The U.S. economy and credit rating--AAA (Fitch),
Aaa (Moody's), AA (S&P)--remain under pressure
as Washington puts off
dealing
with self-imposed,
extreme budget
pressures until after the election |
Let's stop all this partisan wrangling!
Our triple-A credit is dangling.
Raise taxes a skosh
On the folks with the most,
'N Uncle Sam's pockets 'be jangling.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's idea of handing federal emergency management to the states or private sector may not
sit well with East Coast voters facing a megastorm,
any more than his call to let Detroit go bankrupt
has endeared him to Midwest voters whose
jobs
were saved by someone who did the opposite
|
Let Detroit go bankrupt.
Give FEMA to the states,
Or better yet
just privatize it.
Wouldn't that be great!
Romney's words should hurt him
If folks are tunin' in;
If he'd 'a been
the president,
What trouble we'd be in.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A hotty in his twenties,
By thirty it's the norm:
He's gainin' weight, losin' hair
And snorin' up a storm.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-IN) argued against abortions in the case of rape; the pregnan-
cy would be "something that God intended to hap-
pen."
Republicans have passed numerous measures restricting women's reproductive rights since 2011
|
Republican Mythology
"Small government?" -What a distortion!
What's small about blocking abortions
For those who are raped?
It's up to the state
You live with your little misfortune?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Los Angeles County's Measure B would require
porn movie actors to wear condoms during filming |
Democracy's something to treasure:
In L.A., we're voting on whether
An X-rated stud
Should have to be gloved.
How's that for a down-ballot measure?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Mitt Romney is gaining in polls just weeks after
the release of a secretly recorded video that showed
him
disparaging almost half of the country |
It's hard to believe we're electing Mitt--
He's already called us a piece of sh*t.
With all that we know,
It's amazing we'd go
And pursue this abusive relationship.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the second debate, Mitt Romney told 31 myths
in 41 minutes of speaking time, topping his first
debate's 27 myths in 38 minutes of speaking time |
My lying's a business decision:
It helps me advance a position
With millions of voters
When few 'a these jokers
Will see the correction/revision.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Cold: former Defense
Secretary Donald
Rumsfeld |
Defense Secretary was such a grind
That, just in the interest of savin' time,
My letters consolin'
The kin of the fallen
Were sent through a printer and robosigned.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The tension they're feeling is terrible;
The pressure is really unbearable
As Democrats wait
For the second debate,
To see if this thing is repairable.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Since every common deduction would have to be eliminated to partially offset the revenue losses of
Mitt Romney's tax plan, he refuses to give details |
To: Mitt
Your taxes are 'none of our business;'
What's worse is you won't even give us
What loopholes you'd close
For the rest of us schmoes--
As if we would want some specifics!
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Obama supporters saw his lead vanish after a weak first debate against Mitt Romney |
I'm feeling a little bit nauseous
From seeing Obama so cautious.
He'd better be great
For the second debate,
Or somebody's taking his office.
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After a poor first debate performance against Mitt Romney, Pres. Obama could learn from ex-Pres.
Bush who started weakly against John Kerry but
then framed him as a self-serving flipflopper |
We know that he doesn't like drama,
But where in the f*ck was Obama?
When Mitt would attack,
He wouldn't fight back.
'Ze runnin' for here, Dalai Lama?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ann Romney told a Nevada TV station that her
biggest concern if her husband Mitt were to be-
come
president would be his "mental well-being" |
'My husband's a wonderful candidate;
My only concern is his mental state.'
That's some observation
To share with the nation,
Ms. Romney. You care to elaborate?
October, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Still damaged by the video showing their candidate disparaging almost half of American voters, Repub-
licans were caught committing voter fraud in Florida |
I'm not gonna win--I can feel it.
Goddam it, I can't even steal it!
There's nothing like cutting
The people to nothing
And having a camera reveal it.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
People who assume that Mitt Romney is finished
after
being taped making elitist remarks to wealthy
donors should remember how such donors helped
Gov. Scott Walker
(R-WI) survive a similar incident |
Mitt Romney's an asshole, it's plain to see,
But this is no time for complacency.
(If pulling a boner
With plutocrat donors
Were fatal, Scott Walker'd be history.)
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In a secretly taped video, Mitt Romney told donors
that 47% of Americans would vote for Obama be-
cause they "believe they are victims" and feel the government has an obligation to provide healthcare, food, housing, "you name it. My job is not to wor-
ry about those people. I'll never convince them
they should take personal responsibility..." |
Obama just wants to divide us,
But I'll be the one to unite us!
(Except for his voters,
Those f*ckin' freeloaders--
If they have a beef, they can bite us.)
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A BioWatch unit in Grand Central Station, NYC
Congress is re-evaluating the nation's false alarm-
prone, billion dollar system
for detecting biological attacks |
BioWatch says that we're under attack!
Problem, though, is that it always says that.
Nerves would be soothed
If it just wasn't used;
Plus we'd be savin' a whole lotta jack.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
U.S. Marines were not guarding the consulate in Benghazi where Ambassador Christopher Stevens
and three others were killed, a year after the U.S. helped save the city from destruction by Khadaffi |
(Sit down when you read this.) Apparently,
Marines weren't guarding our embassy.
Four people are dead
As we outsourced instead--
To Libyans. That makes no sense to me.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Mitt Romney, you're sounding so sad for us--
Like everything's going so bad for us.
Don't think we can take
Four more years of this, mate.
We're sorry, you're just not the dad for us.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Used yellow bracelet, cheap
The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency banned cyclist
Lance Armstrong for life and disqualified him for
any competitive results since 1998, including
seven
Tour de France wins
|
Now that they've busted Lance Armstrong,
What's gonna happen to Livestrong?
Will tons 'a donations
Still fund his foundation
When everyone knows that he went wrong?
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When someone wants no more to do with you,
Grow up and move on like you're s'posed to do.
See, they've had enough
Of what you're callin' love;
Find some other nudnick to give it to.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The devil made 'em do it...
Since Pres. Obama's election, 17 Republican-
controlled states have passed restrictive voting
laws, including Pennsylvania, where the House
GOP
leader boasted that the new voter ID re-
quirement
would
win the state for Mitt Romney |
If none of your trickle-down policies
Are workin' out for the majority,
You might wanna go
Make it harder to vote,
And say you're protectin' democracy.
September, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
With all of the negative hue and cry
From Romney and now this Paul Ryan guy,
You don't wanna take
What they're sayin' on faith,
When so much to date's been a blatant lie.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
In July Sen. Claire McCaskill's (D-MO) re-election campaign spent $2 million on TV ads promoting
Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) as the true conservative
in the GOP primary (she felt he'd be her weakest
opponent); Akin won & promptly lost support
of
the
Republican party after his comments on rape |
McCaskill's a smart politician:
In search of some weak competition,
She put two mill down
On the Tea Party clown.
So far it's worked just as she's wishin'.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the Republicans' latest outreach to women,
Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) said
that "legitimate rape" rarely results in pregnancy.
In 2009, Akin and VP pick Rep. Paul Ryan
(R-WI) cosponsored a radical "personhood" bill
outlawing
abortion and many birth control pills |
With all of the crap they've espoused,
No wonder they're still going south
With female voters;
These GOP jokers
Need chastity belts for the mouth.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's running mate Paul Ryan has had
a long and fruitful relationship with rightwing
billionaires
David and Charles Koch (pron. coke) |
Before you hop into this bloke's bed,
Remember, you can't trust a Koch head.
The billionaire brothers
Have dibs on this mother--
Good bang for the buck, so they've both said.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Tea Party
They weren't in much of a sweat
With all of the federal debt
That Bush left behind...
But then keep in mind,
A black wasn't president yet.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Census studies have shown that Social Security reduces the portion of elderly living in poverty
from nearly one in two to fewer than one in eight.
Had Republicans succeeded in privatizing the pro-
gram in
2005, results would have been disastrous
with the 2008 meltdown,
but they're still trying |
"The Democrats want your dependency
On programs like Social Security..."
It's hard to be civil
With all of the drivel
That passes for truth in the GOP.
It takes more than skill at
Invective to lift an
Entire age group out of poverty.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
235 out of 241 House and 40 out of 47 Senate Republicans voted for the Paul Ryan budget
replacing Medicare with a
voucher system; all Democrats voted no. No "path to prosperity,"
the budget plan would devastate the middle class |
To: Romney-Ryan Voters
Don't all you people have mothers
Or fathers or sisters or brothers?
If they don't have Medicare
After you've wrecked it there,
What's your Plan B for each other?
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The GOP candidate trend of picking polarizing
running mates continued with Mitt Romney's se-
lection of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), who wants to
privatize Social Security and Medicare |
Veepstakes
Paul Ryan's not running for president;
In time we'll know what his selection meant.
Like Palin before him,
It's hard to ignore him--
But look at how well that election went.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Pres. Obama granted five states' requests for more flexibility over welfare-to-work requirements,
a Romney campaign ad claimed,
"Under Obama's
plan, you wouldn't have to work...They just send
you a welfare check." The loaded claim is false |
We're not gonna win on the facts,
So why don't we pick on the blacks?
We'll talk about welfare
And food stamps and day care.
We'll
Gingrich it up to the max.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Afghanistan, American troops
are
being killed
by the men they're
training
to
take
over for
them
|
If we are not seein' the signs
It's really and truly the time
To get all our men
Out of Afghanistan,
Then maybe we're totally blind.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police around war-weary Fort Lewis-McChord WA
are
"having more and more issues with the military" |
If we send 'em on tour after tour
Till their brains are facacta from war,
Then we shouldn't be stunned
What they do with their guns
When they're back on American shores.
August, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
For irony, you can't top the lethal drone president
winning a peace prize named after the armaments
maker who invented dynamite, Alfred Nobel |
That peace prize he got was sensational,
But not in the least transformational...
Or he'd not condone
Making killing by drone
Into something so non-aberrational.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Indispensable--that's MSNBC's Daily Rundown |
Chuck Todd has a riveting scoop:
They're serving beef vegetable soup
In the White House today.
Thank you, Chuckles, I say,
For keepin' us dupes in the loop.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I don't think that most would agree
Free trade's what they said it would be.
With all of the jobs
And the factories lost,
It certainly hasn't been free.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
James Holmes, who murdered 12 & wounded 58
in a Colorado movie theatre before police inter-
vened in under two minutes, had tear gas, body
armor, two Glock handguns, a 12-gauge shotgun,
an AR-15 assault rifle, 3,000 rounds of ammo for
the
handguns, 3,000 rounds for the assault rifle,
& 350
shells for the shotgun, all purchased legally |
Don't know where support for it went.
In '90, was 80%.
But now less than half
Of us think we should have
Better gun control; look what it's meant.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big family trees: something in common after all
|
While neither one looks like a "pig" to us,
Their family trees aren't ambiguous:
These one-woman men
Clearly descend
From highly prolific polygamists.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In their remarks about the mass shooting in Aurora
CO that left 12 dead and 58 wounded, few politi-
cians said anything about restoring common sense
gun laws that would help prevent such tragedies |
They're "shocked" and they're "saddened," they say,
And for all of the victims they'll "pray"...
Then they'll vote down the laws
That could change this because
They're all scared of the damn NRA.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As Mitt Romney refused to release further tax
returns, speculation grew about what he's hiding |
You figure there's gotta be somethin'
That's keepin' Mitt Romney from comin'
Clean on his taxes,
And I'll bet the catch is
In some years he didn't pay nothin'.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many of the politicians
complaining that the
Olympic team's Opening
Day uniforms were
made
in China have voted for trade bills
that
resulted in almost all the clothes
sold
in
the
U.S.
being
made
somewhere else |
To: Ralph Lauren
A beret's not American, dear,
And a blazer should cover the rear.
But the number one crime
With your outfits this time
Is you made 'em in China, not here.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Would we find this ol' bar such a bore
If we left all our phones at the door?
We might look at each other
And talk to each other--
You know, like we used to before.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Justice Dept. filed suit against "America's
toughest sheriff" Joe Arpaio in AZ, alleging his
department discriminates against Latinos, uses
excessive force, runs its jail unconstitutionally
and
has taken
illegal action to silence critics |
"America's sheriff?" My ass!
Arpaio's a little miscast,
When most of the cops
In the country could top
His integrity, honor and class.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With no draft, America's
wars
are largely seen as
someone else's problem, and protests are sparse |
Young people don't march against war
The way they were doin' before...
See, there's been a change
Since the Vietnam days:
They don't have to go anymore.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When NC State Rep. Becky Carney (D-Charlotte) mistakenly pushed "green" to override the gover-
nor's veto of a bill allowing fracking, she was not
allowed to change her vote; fracking is now legal |
A North Carolina state rep
(And fracking opponent, no less)
Made quite a mistake
When the voting went late
And she meant to say "no" but said "yes"--
So fracking there won
By a margin of one.
How she sleeps now is anyone's guess.
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After the Supreme Court upheld it,
Mitt
Romney vowed to "act to repeal
Obamacare"
on his first
day
if elected president, despite having signed a re-
markably similar law as Massaschusetts governor |
He keeps on insisting that "Romneycare"
Is nothing at all like "Obamacare,"
But then when you pause
To examine the laws,
They're almost identical everywhere!
July, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans and corporate Democrats--
Forgive me, but what kinda choice is that?
They both gave us NAFTA
And not long thereafter
Dismantled Glass-Steagall, the dirty rats.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With evidence of hundreds of civilian casualties
from U.S. drone attacks, more is being learned about
Pres. Obama's " kill list" & authorization of "signa-
ture strikes"
based
on a person's pattern of behavior
|
It's not a behavioral pattern we like,
So blow him away with a "signature strike."
And do it by drone
From the comfort of home...
It might be a place where we're kinda disliked.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Conservatives rejoiced when union-busting Gov.
Scott Walker (R-WI) survived a recall election,
outspending his challenger 7 to 1,
mostly with
outsized out-of-state donations.
Pro-business
rhetoric aside, his job
creation record is terrible |
Gone, Wisconsin
Analysis? What's to belabor?
The one percent beat up on labor.
There wasn't much love
For this job-cuttin' Guv
Till they spent his ass back into favor.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With hundreds of civilian casualties from CIA
drone
strikes, it's hard to believe that drones are
making America safer, as newly embittered
militants
take the place of every person killed |
We're doing our killing by robot,
And what propaganda now they've got:
"You're not man enough
To come fight us!" and stuff.
We are home for dinner, though; that's hot.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When CEO Jamie Dimon testified before the Senate Banking Committee about JPMorgan's huge trading losses, Sen. Jim DeMint
(R-SC) said, "We
can hard-
ly sit in judgment of you losing $2 billion.
We lose
twice that everyday here
in Washington." Members
have received $582,000 from
the bank since 2007 |
A banker lost billions again,
But kept all his Senator friends
(He's too big to fail
And too big to jail--
He keeps all those checks comin' in).
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
| Oh, President Romney, it cannot be--
You've outsourced America totally!
It isn't called "outsource"--
We like to say "right source."
Now what did you dummies expect of me?
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though prolonged exposure to extra-loud music
causes
irreversible hearing damage including tinni-
tus,
nightclubs and authorities aren't controlling it |
When it's LOUD it gets everyone swingin'--
I mean, look at 'em dancin' and singin'!
(Course, they don't realize
For the rest of their lives
That their ears'll be constantly ringin'.)
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 24-year old Oxnard CA high school substitute teacher
was arrested and held in
lieu
of $500,000
bail on suspicion of "sexting"
with a 17-year old
male student |
For sexting the guy of her dreams
(She's
24, he's 17),
A teacher's in jail
At half a mill bail.
Is that not a little extreme?
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans continued to benefit from the Supreme Court's Citizens United decision allowing unlimited corporate spending on elections, as anti-labor Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) successfully fought
a
recall
effort with $30 million to spend vs. his Democratic challenger's
$4 million |
This Citizens case is a honey:
Now limitless corporate money
Keeps flowin' our way
And winning the day!
Why, even November looks sunny--
And our guy's so bad it's not funny!
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a
plant," said Rick Santorum in Biloxi on March 12
|
The self-serving energy giants
Discrediting climate change science
Can only succeed
When they've got what they need:
Enough of us chumps in alliance.
June, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A new law subjecting Tennessee teachers to a $500 fine
if
they
discuss any "gateway sexual activity"
with students was signed by the Republican gov-
ernor
there; critics say its language is too broad |
"Don't teach holding hands down in Tennessee,
Cuz that leads to sexual activity."
Shrink government? My ass!
All these laws that you pass
Are Orwellian, they're so Big Brotherly.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After risky derivatives trades cost JPMorgan Chase
$2 billion,
CEO Jamie Dimon said, "We'll take
all
proper
corrective action, and that may very well include
clawbacks"
[salary cuts for those involved]. Dodd-Frank Wall Street reforms that Dimon has
fought would have prevented the loss;
Rep. Frank
noted that the bank has lost "five times the amount
they claim financial regulation is costing them"
|
To: Jamie Dimon, CEO--
From: Barney Frank, LMFAO
You just blew up billions 'a greenbacks.
You think you can handle the blowback
By giving execs
A slap on the wrist,
Or whatchamacallit, a "clawback?"
This won't go away
By cuttin' their pay!
Policin' yourself has its drawbacks.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wooing evangelicals at Liberty University, VA,
Mitt Romney (r.), with Chancellor Jerry Falwell,
Jr., brought a commencement crowd of 30,000 to
its
feet when he said that "marriage is a relation-
ship between
one man and one woman," three
days
after
Pres.
Obama endorsed gay marriage |
This campaign is all about liberty!
Gay marriage, though, doesn't seem right to me.
So if I'm elected
I won't be protectin'
No liberties I wouldn't like to see.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Work with us, Mr. President" |
Republicans to Democrats:
WE'VE GOT AN IDEA--PLEASE ADAPT IT
And then when you do, we'll attack it:
The mandate, for instance,
To carry insurance
That Romney
made law when he backed it;
The cap and trade system
For carbon emissions
We said would be good for the planet;
The Dream Act for children--
We loved that solution
Until you did, too; now we pan it...
You gettin' the picture?
We're nothin' but dicks here.
Don't look for good faith, cuz we banned it.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans spend over $34 billion a year on alterna-
tive medicine, though there is little evidence to sup-
port homeopathy as an effective treatment for any
specific condition, & homeopathic remedies aren't
evaluated by the FDA for safety or effectiveness |
Nine out of ten skeptics all agree:
"Homeopathic" spells quackery--
A product that's lacking
In FDA backing
And won't be worth crap as a remedy.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A massive crowd jammed Bastille Square in Paris to celebrate the victory of François Hollande, as other European elections also showed stiffening resistance
to austerity policies that have weakened economies there (as Republicans push the same policies here) |
Enough of this crazy austerity--
We can't cut our way to prosperity!
So why don't we try
The Socialist guy?
He might have a heart--that's a rarity.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney warned in 2008 that a government bailout of ailing auto giants General Motors and Chrysler would do more harm than good; now
pro-
ven wrong, he told WEWS, "I'll still
take a lot
of
credit
for the fact that
this industry's come back" |
Mitt Campaigns in Detroit
'Give credit where credit is due:
I helped save your industry too.'
But in your op-ed,
Go bankrupt, you said--
A bailout's the worst thing to do.
'Oh, let's not rehash
That stuff from the past--
Just vote for Mitt Romney. Woo hoo!'
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Despite losing his 2006 reelection bid by
18
per-
centage points, ex-Sen. Rick Santorum
(R-PA)
again let a divisive social agenda
trump his eco-
nomic message in 2012 |
Remember Santorum's 2006 fight?
He lost in a landslide--too far to the right.
(To use an election
To
fight contraception...
Is he that religious, or just not that bright?)
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Richard Grenell, the recently hired foreign
policy spokesman for Mitt Romney, resigned
after
pressure from anti-gay conservatives
had the
campaign keeping him under wraps |
Attn: Log Cabin Republicans
Mitt's spokesman's been sent on his way...
Conservatives found him too gay.
(Ya think that these bozos
Will help you tomorrow
When they can't accept you today?)
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's Bain Capital, which made billions while bankrupting nearly
one-fourth of the compa-
nies
it invested in, is skewered in the film, "When
Mitt Romney Came to Town" |
See, flushing your job down the toilet
And stuffing the dough in our wallet
Is so big at Bain
We gave it a name:
"Creative destruction," we call it.
May, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Twleve Secret Service and twelve military personnel traveling in advance of the president were implicated
in a prostitution scandal in Colombia; the Secret Ser-
vice is investigating similar reports from El Salvador |
What Could Go Wrong?
The music is makin' her wiggle--
My Spanish is makin' her giggle...
I got me a night
'Fore Obama arrives,
And I'm where the hookers are legal!
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The nation's top prosecutor, Attorney General
Eric Holder has
not handed down a major criminal
indictment in some of
the biggest cases of our time, including the sub-prime mortgage meltdown,
BP
oil spill, disappearance of $1.6 billion in
customer
funds at MF Global, and
gas price manipulation |
So how many years, is it three
He's had as Obama's AG?
You'd think with the crimes
We've seen in his time--
From torture to banks to BP--
That somebody's tail
Would end up in jail,
But that would take competency.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
"Wives should be off-limits," Pres. Obama said
after
a pundit told CNN that Ann Romney "has
never worked a day in her life." Mrs. Romney (l.,
with
Mrs. Obama at The Women's Conference
2007)
responded, "I made a choice to stay home
&
raise
five boys. Believe me, it was
hard
work" |
To say that a mother of five
Has not "worked a day in her life"
Means someone's forgotten
How ugly it got when
They messed with your candidate's wife.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After going from last to second place, ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) quit the race for the Republican presidential nomination rather than risk a primary
loss in his home state, which retired him in 2006 | The schmuck we abhorred
With the pluck we adored
Is finally leavin' the scene...
We'll never forget
How he took it to Mitt--
He was kind of a Democrat's dream.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A car used to honk for a reason;
It opened by puttin' the keys in.
Now everything works
With a beep or a chirp,
And nobody's gettin' their zzz's in.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 3-month investigation for the Sunday Times of London revealed that the CIA's drone campaign in Pakistan has killed hundreds of civilians, including
at least 50
in follow-up strikes on those helping victims, and more than 20 in
attacks on funerals |
We killed some civilians? I hate that!
Like just what we need is more bug splat...
So who do you like
In the playoffs tonight?
And don't tell me nobody--F*ck that!
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
I know it's not easy to swallow
A goal so incredibly hollow,
But I want more tweeps
To be followin' me
Than the number of tweeps that
I follow.
April, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Beware of extreme ideology
Where people just see what they wanna see
And often assert
They're doin' God's work
(As if He would work homicidally).
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Thou shalt not kill
The same month that saw the tenth anniversary of
the first of hundreds of civilians to be killed by un-
manned drones (a tall Afghan who turned out not
to be Osama bin Laden) also saw the killing of un-
armed black teen Trayvon Martin by a FL vigilante
who thought him suspicious. Amidst national out-
rage, it took 44 days for the shooter to be charged
|
Since we're in the "Christian tradition,"
Since when did God give us permission--
From drones overseas
To this Florida sleaze--
To kill people based on suspicion?
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A number of supermarket chains have stopped
selling meat with "pink slime," made by putting
the scraps left after butchering through a centri-
fuge
to separate out the fat, and treating them
with ammonium hydroxide gas to kill the bacteria |
Hey, this "lean textured beef" tastes just fine!
How come everyone calls it "pink slime?"
Have you seen how it looks
'Fore it's added and cooked?
Oh, my goodness. Does someone want mine?
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Mitt Romney described himself as "severely conservative," it sounded like a medical condition |
"Poor Mitt is severely conservative--
Let's get him a really good purgative."
"He'll need three or four,
Or possibly more--
That ass is so tight it's preservative."
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Mormon Church has vowed to stop its post-
humous baptisms of non-Mormons without family permission. These have included
Mahatma Ghandi, journalist Daniel
Pearl, Barack Obama's mother,
and perpetrators and victims of the Nazi
Holocaust
from Adolf Hitler to Anne Frank |
Persistent's the way that they're bred;
They've got a religion to spread.
And if you're not buyin',
They won't give up tryin'--
They'll sign ya up after you're dead.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An NFL investigation found that from
2009,
when they won the Super Bowl, to
2011,
the New
Orleans Saints operated a
bounty
system in which
players
got bonuses for hard
hits
&
deliberately injuring opposing players |
"HEY, daddy, how was the game today?
D'they really give you guys bounty pay
Whenever you pound
Someone into the ground
And hurt 'em so bad they get hauled away?"
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
American Dream Defunded
|
These cuts wouldn't be so draconian
If we hadn't voted Republican.
We're stuck with this debt
Cuz the f*ckers won't let
The millionaires' taxes go up again.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rick Santorum likened Pres. Obama to a drug
dealer who wants to get Americans "hooked" on
another entitlement program: healthcare reform |
There's no greater threat to our liberty
Than programs like Social Security,
Obamacare, Student Aid,
Medicare, Medicaid,
Sapping our strength and our dignity!
(Now that should get dummies to vote for me.)
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Mitt Romney did what he had to do last night,"
said
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor after
the
candidate (above) beat Rick Santorum by 1% in
the Ohio primary after
outspending him there 4:1 |
"Oh, winning Ohio was lots of fun!
We outspent Santorum there four to one
And did what we had to do!
Margin? What's that to you?
One percent's plenty where I come from."
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No Republicans strongly condemned
Rush Lim-
baugh for calling a female law student
a "'slut" &
a "prostitute" after
she testified in
favor of the healthcare law's birth-control
rule, despite their
own past support for contraception mandates |
They've really gone off on a bender:
Republicans versus a gender.
When Limbaugh called Fluke a slut,
They couldn't rustle up
One real man to defend her.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
♫ I'm a Steamroller, Baby ♫
The more voters learn about how Mitt Romney
made his money, the more money's needed to keep
him viable. In his home state of Michigan, he out-
spent Rick Santorum 2:1 to win a primary by 3% |
How could Americans calmly
Trust in a President Romney,
When most of his bucks
Come from people he's f*cked?
We'd have to be totally balmy.
March, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Frank McCourt's deal with Major League Baseball, which forces him to sell the L.A. Dodgers by April
30, lets him keep the stadium's parking lots and
build parking structures on them if he chooses;
several potential buyers have withdrawn their bids
|
He's selling the Dodgers--hooray!
But keeping the parking, you say?
Then hold the confetti--
I'm too busy dreading
When parking costs more than the game.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newt Gingrich told CBS that he and Rick
Santorum
are "much more conservative"
Republicans than "Gov. Romney, who
represents a
kind of Northeastern moderatism" |
We won't fight "Obama-type socialism"
With Mitt Romney's "Northeastern moderatism."
Wow, Gingrich has taken
The word moderation
And made it sound something like communism.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kyle Stanley kisses trophy after winning the 2012
Waste Management Phoenix Open golf tournament |
The squeamish among us were hopin'
The PGA people were jokin'
When they said the name
Of the big desert game:
Waste Management (yuck!) Phoenix Open.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The teller will not count your cash for you;
He has a machine that he puts it through.
And then if you thank him,
He'll tell ya "No problem"
As if a "You're welcome"'s
too hard to do.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Google, Twitter and others were found to be cap-
turing info by circumventing users' privacy settings |
If Google or some other company
Is tracking you more than you'd like to see,
Remember, their stock
Would do nothing but drop
If you truly had any privacy.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
235 out of 241 House and 40 out of 47 Senate Republicans voted for the Paul Ryan budget
replacing Medicare with a
voucher system; all Democrats voted no |
If you give a damn about Medicare,
You can't vote Republican anywhere.
If they get both Houses,
We'll all just get vouchers
And many won't make it, but they don't care.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), who says states
should have the right to outlaw contraception,
now leads Mitt Romney in national GOP polls |
The country should disallow birth control?
And keep on dismantling gun control?
And ease the restrictions
On toxic emissions?
(And what, use a little more self-control?)
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) vows to veto a
gay marriage bill, & wants a voter referendum
instead: "If it goes on the ballot, it will lose" |
If you wanna boost the economy
And do something good for humanity,
Then follow the course
Of the state of New York
And legalize marriage equality.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Imagine Mitt Romney giving a stump speech
to
his favorite Americans--the corporations |
"We're saving the soul of America!
So join with us, Bank of America!
And U.S. Bank too--
You're red, white and blue--
And all of our friends at ComericA!
And TD Ameritrade--
Join with our great crusade!
God bless Ameriprise...All of ya!"
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Clock watchers: Super Bowl XLVI's accidental
winning touchdown was unopposed by the
Patriots
and unwanted
by
the Giants at the time |
You can't say this game was a bore.
It went to the Giants by four--
But what made it fun
Was the way that they won
On a touchdown they tried not to score.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Apprentice host Donald Trump endorsed ex-
Bain Capital CEO Mitt Romney for president.
Many whose lives have been touched by either
man have heard
the same thing: "You're fired" |
Well, how about that--Trump's endorsing Mitt!
It kinda makes sense though now, doesn't it?
Since Romney's his equal
At firing people
And getting paid millions for doin' it...
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If Pres. Obama is a "Saul Alinsky radical" as Newt Gingrich claims, he has plenty of company: the Chicago community organizer's Rules for Radicals
has been adopted
by political activists on the left
and right, including members of the tea party and
James O'Keefe, who studied it pre-ACORN sting |
What in tarnation does Newt see
In tyin' the prez to Alinsky?
Obama was ten
When the guy cashed it in;
It's not like they're Lenin and Trotsky.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Rep. Randy "Duke"
Cunningham (R-CA),
serving eight years in prison for taking
$2.4
million in
bribes, wrote to Newt Gingrich, "I
have
80% of
inmates that would vote for you"
|
The insiders don't want him nominated,
But outside the beltway, Newt celebrated
Endorsements that came
From Palin and Cain
And Duke Cunningham, who's incarcerated.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As House Speaker, Newt Gingrich led the charge
to impeach Pres. Clinton for perjury in covering
up
an affair with an intern, as he too was having
an affair with an intern, his current wife Callista
|
She looks like she kissed Warren Beatty
Or just won a date with Tom Brady
But it's even better--
This little go-getter
Is dreamin' of bein' First Lady.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jon Huntsman (l.) called Mitt Romney a "well-lubricated weather vane" who's "been on three
sides of every major issue," then dropped out
of
the GOP presidential race and endorsed him |
When Huntsman decided to quit,
His ringing endorsement of Mitt--
On top of the scorn
That he'd heaped all along--
Was phony as phony could get
(And naturally, didn't do sh*t).
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two days after Marianne Gingrich told ABC
News he'd asked her for an open marriage
before
their divorce, former House Speaker Newt
Gingrich (R-GA) won the South Carolina GOP primary
by a wide margin over Mitt Romney |
Newt's second ex-wife is revealing
One heck of a flawed human being.
But voters don't mind;
A lot of 'em find
A dickhead immensely appealing.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rick Perry (shown), Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann & Herman Cain all suspended
their
campaigns, to keep raising money postmortem |
You're done but you don't wanna end it;
Then people with money won't send it.
Pretend your campaign's
Gonna come back again--
The best word to use is
"suspend" it.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) |
The choice that regrettably wasn't--
He starts to make sense, then he doesn't...
Like tryin' to repeal
The entire New Deal,
When common sense tells ya we mustn't.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though Mitt Romney blames Pres. Obama for
the current job shortage, Massachusetts ranked
47th in jobs growth while he
was
governor (Jan.
2003-Jan. 2007, U.S. Labor Dept.).
Romney
did
not seek a second term
| Mitt says he will fix the economy
And while that is something we'd like to see,
His record as guv
At creating new jobs
Was kind of disastrous, actually.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Msgr. Kevin McAuliffe was sentenced to three
years in prison for stealing $650,000 from his
Las Vegas-area parish over ten years to gamble |
Another Priest
Collared:
Stole $650,000 From Parish to Gamble
This wasn't child endangerment--
Only a little embezzlement.
A priest in our time
With a celibate crime--
What a refreshing development!
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
The cell phone has done for fidelity
What ATMs did for frugality.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) mistakenly endorsed
Pres. Obama at a Mitt Romney rally in S. Carolina |
The geezer's still good for some drama:
McCain said to vote for Obama
When Mitt had to tell him
'It's ME that you're sellin'!'
Who booked me in THIS blunderama?!
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to imagine how strong we'd be
If we could just take all the energy
We spend buttin' heads
And put it instead
Toward beatin' the pants off the enemy.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's remark that "I like being able
to
fire people" is his biggest gift to Democrats
since
his "Corporations are people, my friend" |
'I like being able to fire folks.'
(If voters are listenin', this guy is toast.)
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What could go wrong, Jon Huntsman?
The former Utah governor on a coffee
shop
counter in NH, where he finished third
in
the
GOP
presidential primary and soon dropped out |
The candidate's standing on glass.
Who cares if he
might break his ass?
If he should fall through,
It's the harm he could do
To those pastries--they're really world class.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Good dog |
Some dog owners may find this critical,
But life in the city gets pitiful
With all of the barking
And excrement-hopping;
It's folks without dogs make it liveable.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The persistent ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) squeaked out a win in the Iowa presidential cau-
cus after polling near the bottom for the past year |
You'd think it would dawn on Santorum
How easy it's been to ignore him
Perpetually dressed
In an old sweater vest,
As if he was tryin' to bore 'em.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justice Clarence Thomas failed to report his wife's income on Supreme Court financial disclosure
forms as she made $686,589 from the rightwing
Heritage Foundation between 2003 and 2007.
He
will soon rule on the new healthcare law, which
the
Heritage Foundation & Mrs. Thomas oppose |
No wonder we're all doubting Thomas:
His filings were f*cking dishonest!
He kept checking "none"
For spousal income
As she made a killing, we promise.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Oh no, not another rehash
Of why the economy crashed,
By someone who didn't
Remotely predict it
But had to come up with some cash.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
To pay for the two-month payroll tax cut, mort-
gages sold to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for
the next ten years will include a fee that raises
the borrowing cost for a 30-year, $200,000 loan
by $4,000, or $11 a month, at today's rates |
Your congressman may not have mentioned
You'll pay for your tax cut extension
As part of the loan
When you get your next home
(He hopes you're not paying attention).
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Republicans agreed to extend a payroll
tax
cut benefiting 160 million workers, for two months |
After a terrible run,
A showdown the Democrats won?!
A measly eight weeks
Of more payroll relief,
But small wins are better than none.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newt Gingrich said as president he'd ignore
Supreme Court decisions he opposed, and would
press for impeaching judges or even abolishing
certain
courts if he disagreed with their rulings |
When I'm your Commander in Chief,
The courts won't intimidate me.
If I think they're wrong,
I just won't go along
With their stupid elitist decree.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The American Civil Liberties Union is calling on
Pres. Obama to veto the National Defense Auth-
orization
Act, which allows a
president to detain
U.S. citizens
indefinitely without charge or trial |
If you don't like the ACLU,
Are you sure that you know what they do?
They stand up and fight
For Americans' rights--
Conceivably, someone like you.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
They'll feel our pain: Mitt Romney tried to wager $10,000 in a Republican debate; rival
Newt Gingrich disclosed having
Tiffany credit lines of $1.5 million |
I can't believe Newt Gingrich slammed
Mitt Romney for betting ten grand,
When he himself owed
Fifty times that or so
On a super size Tiffany plan.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"At the end of the day..."
"Boots on the ground..."
"Kickin' the can down the road..."
With the endless clichés
Goin' around,
My f*ckin' head could explode.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An RQ-170 Sentinel, the most advanced drone in
the U.S. arsenal, crash-landed in Iran with sophis-
ticated technology that could be exploited by that
country and its allies China and Russia |
Iran got its hands on our drone.
How long till they're making a clone
And flying around
Without making a sound,
And killing and maiming from home?
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Herman Cain's (l.) 999 tax plan surely
dies with his candidacy, but all the GOP candidates favor
regres-
sive changes
to the tax code.
Newt Gingrich (r.)
wants to end capital gains and estate taxes, and
cut corporate income taxes from 35% to 12.5% |
With Cain out, it looks like they won't install
A 9% sales tax after all.
But when will these farts
Think of anything smart,
Like taxing the folks with the wherewithal?
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The weakness of the field challenging Pres. Obama
was evident in the latest WMUR Granite State NH
poll, in which only 16% of likely Republican vot-
ers said they were firmly committed to a candidate |
The choices are so f*ckin' sad,
Obama's not lookin' so bad.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Just as the Tea Party moved Republicans to the
right, a non-violent Occupy movement can push
Democrats in the other direction--to fight harder
for the 99% of Americans who
are poorly served
by "free trade" economics & pay-to-play politics |
They picked up our tents for collection
And pepper-sprayed our "insurrection."
But we're not downhearted--
We're just getting started.
Now let's Occupy an election.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Whoever ends up as the nominee,
we know that we're in for more comedy...
Republican presidential hopefuls one year before
the election were Mitt Romney, Rick Perry,
Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachman,
Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Jon Huntsman
|
Let's run down the GOP wannabes,
Cuz one of 'em's gonna be nominee:
Mitt Romney's a flipflopper,
Perry's a clodhopper,
Herman's a bedhopper (probably);
While Newt is a prostitute,
Bachmann's an absolute
Nut job, and Paul's a catastrophe;
And Mr. Santorum
And Number Two Mormon
Don't wanna be last, but one has to be.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What if an actress discovered
Her husband in bed with another,
And she blew her top
And "slipped" off their yacht,
And drowned screamin' out to those mothers?
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police pepper-sprayed Occupy protestors on both coasts, including these students at the University
of
CA, Davis, and an 84-year old Seattle woman | Tasers aren't lethal so they're okay,
And we feel the same about pepper spray.
So freeze, boys and girls,
Cuz you're in our world--
And we don't think you should protest today.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The "super committee's" failure followed lobby-
ist Grover Norquist's boast that GOP leaders in
both houses of Congress had assured him they
would not
raise any taxes to reduce the deficit |
Why have Republicans fought off
Every idea that's been thought of
To bring some more green
To the revenue stream?
(You don't think they could have been bought off?!)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Whoever gets the GOP nomination, it won't be a
fair fight. Republicans have tightened election laws
in key states that will make it harder for millions to vote next year--esp. students, minorities & seniors |
Karl Rove Pep Talk
Our guys make a lousy impression,
But I got a little confession:
Our side's gonna win
The White House again.
We'll do it with voter suppression.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If the rest of the world watched the Republican
debates, everyone would build a bomb shelter |
Déjà Vu
Let's go to war with Iran
Before they come up with a bomb.
A quick, clean attack--
Not like Iraq,
Afghanistan or Viet Nam...
A surgical strike--
That's what we like.
Blow 'em to hell and be gone!
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mike McQueary (l.) said that when he saw fellow Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky raping a 10-year
old boy in the shower in 2002, he told his boss Joe Paterno (r.), who in turn told his, but no one
there
ever reported that or similar incidents to police |
We've all had to work with some beasts,
But not as disgusting as these:
Big men who could take
A child bein' raped
And not even call the police
(And not even one was a priest).
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the end, it wasn't a scandal like his relationship
with teen stripper Ruby that brought down Italy's
Prime Minister Silvio Berusconi, but his country's
$2.6 trillion debt after a decade of low growth |
Oh sure, he was fulla baloney,
But we're gonna miss Berlusconi.
That last little girl
Was outta this world.
(You wouldn't do that? You're a phony!)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain continued
to deny allegations that he sexually harassed
women, as
one accuser graphically described a
near-assault
and another
called him a "monster" |
"A little heads-up for the press:
That wasn't my hand up her dress.
It was my evil twin
And you should talk to him,
But he's dead so just give it a rest!"
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An L.A. County jury convicted Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, of invol-
untary manslaughter, rejecting his defense that the singer died by his own hand while left unattended |
When someone starts blaming the victim,
It must feel great to convict him--
Especially a doc
Who's fed you a crock
On someone who can't contradict him.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's only one problem that I can see,
Reviewing your Privacy Policy...
It's in the fine print
So you might have to squint:
It says you don't have any privacy.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justin Bieber, 17, was sued by Maria
Yeater,
20,
who falsely claimed the singer fathered
her
3-month
old son
backstage
after an L.A.
concert
last
year.
The suit was soon dropped |
False Alarm
Ah, life has been good to our laddie--
He's driven the little girls batty.
But that could be over--
Now one has come forward
To claim he's her little boy's daddy.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama's job-creation advisors include job-
cutters like Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of GE,
which
has closed 31 U.S. locations and cut 22,000
jobs
in the last four years while expanding overseas |
The president's gurus on jobs
Are giving the president gobs
Of worthless advice,
While in real life
They're cutting us working-class slobs.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Aghan Pres. Hamid Karzai told Pakistani TV
that
his country would side with Pakistan
in
a
hypothetical war against the United States |
Hamid Karzai flipped us off again
When he declared that Afghanistan
Would stand with its neighbor
Against the invader
If we had a showdown with Pakistan.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In a 2009 visit by four U.S. Senators, Libyan
dictator Moammar Khadaffi was promised arms
by Sen.
John McCain, a Wikileaks cable shows.
But his
plan to nationalize
the oil companies
may
have helped
tilt the West's support to
Libya's
rebels,
who
killed him after
French
warplanes
&
a U.S.
predator drone attacked
his convoy |
We promised Khadaffi some arms
And then we destroyed him with bombs.
(Soon after he tried
To nationalize
The oil, our buddy was gone.)
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As a result of the Supreme Court 's Citizen United decision, groups like Karl Rove's American Cross-
roads
will face no spending limits in
their efforts
to unseat Pres. Obama in 2012. Rove's
super
PAC
has received
90% of its
contributions
this
year
from three billionaires |
We're such a distractable bunch,
I just have a cynical hunch
We'll base who we vote for
On ads that are paid for
By those who are eating our lunch.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In another mass shooting, Scott Dekraai killed his
ex-wife and seven others in a Seal Beach CA hair
salon where she worked |
Do people resistant to gun control
Rethink their position when some asshole
Goes crazy and wastes
Everyone in the place?
Or what's their solution, more self-control?
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney (R) served one term as governor of Mass. & has been running for president ever since |
Republican voters, let's have some fun
And count the elections Mitt Romney's won:
With all of his dough
You might think it'd be mo',
But 2002 was the only one.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Michelle Bachmann (above), Herman Cain and
Ron
Paul have all won recent straw polls |
So which unelectable asshole
Will win the Republican straw poll?
It won't be whoever
They run in November,
But let's hear the meaningless drum roll.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With 23 million Americans unable to find full-
time work, Republicans continue to
oppose
any
jobs legislation |
Jobs bill? They'll never pass one.
They'll kill it like the last one.
And while they pan
Obama's plan,
At least he f*ckin' has one!
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Anti-labor candidates like Gov. Scott Walker (R-
WI) won big in 2010, the first post- Citizens Unit-
ed election allowing unlimited
corporate spending |
It doesn't take much analyzing:
Government by advertising
Doesn't work--
Ya get the jerks
The plutocrats are merchandising.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"How do Republicans get us
Voting against our own interests?"
"It's not all that tough
When you're spendin' enough,
And lyin' like nobody's business."
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A homeowner lights his tap water on fire for film-
maker Josh Fox (shown) in the HBO documentary Gasland. Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to ac-
cess natural gas deposits, was exempted from the
Clean Water Act by the Bush administration |
There's gas underfoot--let's get cracking!
Your land's where we're gonna be fracking.
Just sign this right here
And your future's secure!
(But oh, if your children start hacking
And coughing up blood
And contaminate crud,
You might wanna think about packing.)
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie
(R-NJ)
|
Chris Christie continues to balk
At all of the president talk.
They want him to run
But sonuva gun,
It's hard enough even to walk.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Although the majority of Americans favor a
single-
payer Medicare-for-all system, which
could
actually reduce the deficit, that was not a priority
of the 4,525 lobbyists
who influenced the new
health bill (eight for each member of Congress) |
Imagine, instead of "Obamacare,"
A plan that was popular everywhere:
The Dems would be stronger
If they had fought longer
For everyone's right to have Medicare.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Given that folks in the GOP
Wanna end Social Security
And Medicare too,
Here's what you do:
Vote Democratic exclusively
(Or stop getting older immediately).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are calling Pres. Obama's plan to
raise taxes on millionaires "class warfare," even
though billionaire
Warren Buffett proposed it,
saying he pays a lower rate than his secretary |
They won't raise the tax rate on millionaires
(Proposed, don't forget, by a billionaire).
"Class warfare!" they call it,
And they're gonna stall it
(While they kick the crap out of Medicare).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Taxpayers are losing $535 million on a Dept. of
Energy loan to a now-bankrupt solar panel maker
whose largest investor is the family foundation
of a billionaire Obama contributor. The loan was pushed
through after the White House OMB
warned
that it was "NOT ready for prime time" |
Their loan had a federal guarantee,
So now that Solyndra's in bankruptcy,
They'll leave us the bill
For 500 mill.
No wonder they call it "green" energy.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) claims he wants
to save Social Security, and hammers
Gov. Rick
Perry (R-TX) for calling it a 'Ponzi scheme,' but
his own book makes basically the same charge |
The queerest damn marriage you'll ever see:
Romney and Social Security.
His rival's so radical,
He's lookin' practical,
Saying--with utter hypocrisy--
He's not here to bury it,
Only to vary it.
Social Security, R.I.P.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama sent supporters an e-mail offering a chance to have dinner with him for a minimum contribution of $5 |
Inbox
Barack makes me feel like a winner!
He's askin', "Can we meet for dinner?"
Oh wait, there's a catch--
It's a lottery, natch.
I'll pass. Let him find a beginner.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With pensions disappearing and investments suf-
fering, Social Security has paid seniors guaranteed
benefits for 76 years, but Gov. Rick Perry
(R-
TX)
calls it a "monstrous lie" &
"Ponzi scheme" |
The way you find out it's a "Ponzi scheme":
It stops paying out [so it doesn't seem
That Social Security
Merits that imagery,
Since it pays out like a f*cking dream].
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans want more tax cuts for "job
crea-
tors"
even though the
last 10 years have seen
the
largest tax cuts [and deficits] in history, &
less
private sector
job creation than the 1930's |
Joblessness numbers are up again,
Thanks to those feckless Republicans
Who will not say yes
To a "jobs bill" unless
It's all tax cuts that nobody ever spends.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
18,000 wildfires have charred 3.4 million acres in
Texas this year, and Gov. Rick Perry, who has
made
a name blasting federal spending,
wants
more
help from Washington (having cut his
state's
volunteer fire dept. funding by 75%)
|
"Let's stop all this government spending!
(But don't even think of suspending
The aid we require
To put out these fires--
Now what were ya thinkin' of sending?)"
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK), who resigned
during her first term, continues to
tease
supporters about running for president |
"Run, Sarah, run!" goes the crowd.
Excuse me for laughin' out loud,
But how couldja vote
For that pig in a poke,
Unless you were totally plowed?
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fed Chairman Bernanke and top economists
warned of more job losses if Republican budget
cuts became reality. Now that it's happening,
why isn't Pres. Obama
connecting
the dots? |
The key to Republican strategy:
Keep cutting until the economy
Is so f*cking bad
A job can't be had
(Except for the president's, naturally).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama rescheduled a jobs speech to a Joint Session of Congress after House Speaker Boehner
(R-OH) objected to the date
|
His use of executive power
Is looking like Amateur Hour.
He'd better learn fast
How to kick ass--
The base is beginning to sour.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
During its " Fast & Furious" program, 2,000 guns
were illegally purchased under ATF surveillance
in Arizona & then lost by agents trying to track
them. One was used to kill a U.S. Border Patrol
agent; others turned up at crime scenes in Mexico |
Your program went way past injurious.
Some good people died, and we're curious:
Who thought that those guns
Wouldn't hurt anyone?
Think fast, ATF, cuz we're furious.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) |
Disaster aid oughta be there for us
To help us through something calamitous,
But Cantor objects:
'Don't send it unless
We hurt someone else with more spending cuts.'
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 5.8 earthquake centered near Mineral VA
damaged D.C.'s Washington Monument and
National Cathedral but caused no casualties |
If I were a jerk like Pat Robertson,
I'd say that the earthquake in Washington
Was God's little scare
For the lobbyists there,
And all their corruptible congressmen.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big Brother is watching, and pitching, you |
First they came up with phrenology,
Then it was on to psychology...
And now the new game
For reading your brain
Is face recognition technology.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Is America ready for another anti-science
president working for Texas oil interests?
|
These skeptics on climate change, naturally,
Don't always communicate factually:
One warming denier
(Whose state is on fire)
Says we're in a "cooling trend," actually.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has also said
that the American Revolution
started in NH &
the
Founding Fathers
worked
to end slavery
|
Happy Birthday to Elvis! I lied--
August 16th's the day that he died
34 years ago
So I blew it, I know...
Can't the press ever let these things slide?!
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN) dropped out of
the GOP presidential race after finishing third in
the Iowa straw poll, as Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) jumped in |
Think nobody's missin' Pawlenty?
Hey, Starbucks is missin' him plenty.
Wherever he'd speak,
Their sales'd peak--
You'd give your eye teeth for a Venti.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newsweek's treatment of Michele Bach-
mann resembles that of Ross Perot in 1992 |
A hit job by Newsweek's not new;
They did it to Ross Perot too.
It means the establishment
Running the government
Wants someone other than you.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Critics of Gen. David Petraeus' counterinsurgency strategy say it didn't work for the French in Alger-
ia, Americans in Vietnam or Soviets in Afghanistan
|
America's patience is thinning
With wars that we know we're not winning.
The generals may say
Things are goin' our way
But success wouldn't take so much spinning.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As mandated by the debt ceiling bill, a "super committee" of six Republicans and six Democrats
has three months to recommend $1.5 trillion in
additional deficit reductions over the next decade |
Of course expectations are sh*tty
For Congress's "Super Committee."
This debt-trimming's nuts
When it's all done with cuts
And no help from the corporate kitty.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. govern-
ment's credit rating from AAA to AA+ for the
first time in history, saying that 'political brink-
manship [has made] America's governance and
policy-making less stable, effective & predictable' |
Triple-A rated like Canada,
Germany, France or Australia?
Those were the days--
Now we're just Double-A,
Like our friends in Japan and Slovenia.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Now that default is averted, Pres. Obama says
he'll focus on jobs. But the debt deal he just
signed, with $2 trillion in cuts & no new reve-
nue,
is predicted
to
make joblessness worse |
When faced with Republican brinkmanship,
Our president's known for his blinkmanship--
And each time he caves,
It's harder to save
An evermore rapidly sinkin' ship.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Like new
|
They traded Furcal and it hurt.
Now what do I do with the shirt?
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
There's something about these people...
|
Hey, I'm patriotic, are you?
Do you hate our government too?
Then come and join up
With our Tea Party club.
Just look for the red, white and blue.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even victory will look like defeat if Senate
Majority Leader Harry Reid's (D-NV) deficit-
reduction
bill passes. Entailing no new revenue
in deference to the Republicans, its budget
cuts
are predicted to further weaken the
economy |
They'll pass the Reid plan or they won't;
We're damned if they do or they don't.
With trillions in cuts
And no revenue, f*ck!
It's not what we need or we want.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House freshmen Republicans who want huge
budget cuts with no new revenue say they're
willing
to let the U.S. default to get their way
|
To make us default for no reason
Is not patriotic; it's treason.
But if we can't hang
The Tea Party gang,
We'd settle for kickin' their knees in.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Facing an ethics investigation and questions about
his behavior, Rep. David Wu
(D-OR) announced
he's resigning from Congress |
The pressure to go was humongous,
So David Wu's out of the Congress.
And though
very few
Will miss Mr. Wu,
We'll all miss those tiger pajamas.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are using the August 2 debt ceiling deadline and looming default to try to force
Draconian budget cuts with no increase in
tax
revenue
from the wealthy and corporations |
Their "compromise" is an abortion,
With spending cuts out of proportion
To revenue gains
(The technical name
For what they are doin's "extortion").
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Tea Party Republicans like Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) would apparently rather see
the U.S. default on its debt for the first time in
history than vote to raise the debt ceiling to cov-
er appropriations Congress has already made |
It's dangerous when children have too much tea:
The caffeine can lead to catastrophe.
Their brains are so small
They can't handle it all,
And many lose touch with reality.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) |
President Palin?
She walked off the job in Alaska,
And yet we've seen nobody ask her:
If you couldn't handle
The "Troopergate" scandal,
Then what makes you think you could master
The leadership skills
It would take, if you will,
To handle a real disaster?
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Prof. Elizabeth Warren will return to Harvard
after setting up the Consumer Financial
Protec-
tion Bureau which she conceived, and
which Republicans
are trying to put out of business
|
They never got tired of tarrin'
Professor Elizabeth Warren.
She fought a good fight
But for those on the right,
Consumer protection is foreign.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fears of "Carmageddon" kept L.A. traffic light
as
a
freeway closed
for bridge demolition
|
How to survive Carmageddon,
The weekend that everyone's dreadin':
Avoid the Westside
Cuz
there's no 405,
Or walk to wherever you're headin'.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rupert Murdoch shut down the UK's 168-year
old News of the World and dropped his bid for
BSkyB amid revelations that his "journalists"had hacked thouasands of cell phones |
His people were hacking away
To gather the scoop of the day...
You think Rupert knew it?
There's one way to prove it:
Let's see what his phone has to say.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tech talk |
I don't wanna say this out loud,
But what in the f*ck is a "cloud?"
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell
(R-KY, on r.) said "the single most important
thing
we want to achieve is for Pres. Obama
to
be a
one-term president"--fodder for Demo-
cratic
charges
that
Republicans are deliberately sabotaging the economy
for political gain |
F*ck their Republican puffery!
They don't even want a recovery--
Till Twenty-Thirteen,
Ya know what I mean?
It's not like their wallets are suffering.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Millions were outraged when a jury found Casey Anthony not
guilty of murdering her
two-year old daughter, but one man saw opportunity |
One guy held a sign, "Casey, marry me!"
'N that's when I thought, What insanity!
If that little wretch
Were the last woman left,
I'd rather have sex with Sean Hannity.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Franklin Roosevelt used huge government
action to lift the economy & create jobs, but to-
day's opposition is doing everything possible
to shrink the government, even risking default |
Our second worst downturn in history,
And government's really the enemy?
If FDR's watching,
He knows that we're botching
Our only good shot at recovery.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) quit bipartisan negotiations to raise the debt ceiling
over his side's opposition to ending tax breaks
and
loopholes for the wealthy and corporations |
Eric Cantor. That name, to me,
Is exactly what it should be...
Though the spelling is bad;
He really should add
An apostrophe 'fore the "t".
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Defense Dept. is the only government
agency
that will receive a double-digit increase
in its
budget
for
fiscal year 2012 |
With all of the cutting that's going on,
You'd think they could cut at the Pentagon
...Now that Bin Laden,
The Soviet Union
And Cheney and Rumsfeld are finally gone.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans, who voted to raise the debt ceiling
seven times under Pres. Bush, oppose raising it
now even though their own Ryan budget adds
$6
trillion to the deficit over the next ten years |
Ten times since Two Thousand One--
Now that was a helluva run
For raising the debt limit,
Back when our government
Knew how to walk and chew gum.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans, who won midterm elections over frustration with the economy, seem determined
to make it even worse by insisting on spending
cuts
only to reduce the deficit |
The deficit isn't what got us here,
And lately it's up in the stratosphere
Cuz people ain't workin'!
(Ain't that what you jerks in
D.C. were supposed to be fixin' there?)
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama tends to sell his side short and
exact little in return for early concessions, as
shown
in the healthcare and budget debates |
He promised us change in 2008,
But "president's" harder than "candidate"--
And while he's sincere,
It's increasingly clear:
He doesn't know how to negotiate.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Maybe Tracy Morgan's onstage rants are a ploy
to guarantee a return booking, for the apology |
What's eating Tracy today?
'He's worried his kid'll be gay?
Or he'll meet a woman
With retarded children?'
Like, who is this, Andrew Dice Clay?!
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pilots working at U.S. computer screens are con-
ducting lethal drone attacks in at least 6 countries |
Drone Pilots Wanted: Work From Home
See the world, fighting for Uncle Sam!
You'll bomb Iraq and Afghanistan,
Then on to Libya,
Yemen, Somalia--
Don't forget, save some for Pakistan.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rupert Murdoch's Midas touch was nowhere to
be seen with his six-year ownership of
Myspace |
Myspace
He paid more than what, half a billion?
And sold it for 35 million?
Yeah, Murdoch's so steamed
At his management team,
They're lucky he's not a Sicilian.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Having the Ft. Calhoun Nuclear Plant surrounded
by water & Los Alamos Labs by fire
at the same
time, just weeks after Fukishima, reminds us
how
vulnerable nuclear facilities
are to natural disasters |
Osama bin Laden is toast
But he never scared me the most--
There's so much more danger
From ol' Mother Nature
No terrorist even comes close.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Impeached ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was convicted on 17 counts of corruption, including
trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Jurors
were convinced by recorded evidence, though his
lawyer had argued he was just thinking out loud |
Blagojevich really got trounced--
They got him on 17 counts.
That hair's gotta go--
Hey, it's beautiful, bro,
But where you're gonna go they just pounce.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans, wake up and face the facts,
And watch where you're swingin' that f*ckin' ax!
The budget's a bitch?
Then talk to the rich.
You're not gonna balance it on our backs.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ya ever gone out like an innocent
And wondered what V.I.P. really meant?
Like, who's on that side
Of the velvet divide?
Just fools who paid more for the same event.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No compromise: Republicans would rather end
Social
Security
and Medicare
than end tax
cuts
and loopholes
for
the wealthy
and corporations
|
At scaring us silly, they're really great:
Obamacare! Death panels! Nanny state!
But scarier still
Are their own frickin' bills--
Read 'em and try not to emigrate.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. Dodgers Matt Kemp & Andre Ethier, both batting over .300,
celebrate a win. If owner Frank McCourt cannot make
payroll after draining
$100
million from the team for his personal use,
Major League Baseball could seize
it &
put it up for sale |
The Dodgers won three in a row
But that's the exception, I know--
More often they play
Like they might not get paid
And nobody's runnin' the show.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Golf is a good walk spoiled"--Mark Twain |
Obama and Boehner played golf
And some of us wanted to rolf
(It's such a disgrace
When a man shaves his legs,
And none of our problems get solved).
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Body shop costs have skyrocked since NHTSA weakened bumper standards under the Reagan administration. 13% of the new cars sold
in the
U.S. last month did not come with spare tires |
My car isn't new--I don't care--
I love it because it's so rare.
See, this baby has
What new ones don't have:
A bumper, a trunk and a spare.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Calling it a misguided attempt to isolate Israel,
Pres. Obama is lobbying allies to vote against
a Palestinian state resolution in the U.N. |
Why does our President spend his time
Lining up votes against Palestine?
We know who he's pleasin'
But those in the region
May see "hope and change" as an empty line.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Grover Norquist, whose Americans for Tax
Reform has exacted a no-tax pledge from most
of the Republicans in Congress, may be losing influence as many awaken to fiscal realities and
seek to close loopholes like the ethanol tax credit |
Hey, nobody voted for Grover,
Whose influence oughta be over:
The once-middle class
Is flat on its ass;
His bitches are rollin' in clover.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Bipartisan pressure is building to end
the
$6
billion annual tax credit
for ethanol. The U.S.
currently diverts 38% of its corn crop to
make biofuels,
raising food prices around the
world
|
Folks on the left and right both agree:
Let's end the ethanol subsidy
And give Uncle Sam
Six billion clams,
And let corn be what it's supposed to be.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tea Party favorite Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MI) used the second GOP debate to announce her run |
It's clear that they're all on a mission
To hold the most rightwing position,
So don't be surprised
If one of 'em tries
To reintroduce Prohibition.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) |
Rick Perry is some kind of optimist:
He thinks we'll forget he's secessionist,
And how his state's busted,
And how we all trusted
The last piece 'a sh*t Texas sent to us.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The stall made famous by a then-sitting Senator |
"I'm not gonna quit," and he meant it--
So Larry Craig stayed in the Senate,
Where all his old friends
Shunned him right to the end.
(Congressman Weiner, you get it?)
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Anthony Weiner
(D-NY) |
Abundantly clear from this Weiner mess:
There's nowhere to hide from your kinkiness
When all of your sexting
And all of your texting's
Just one click away from the internets.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New York's kinky ex-Congressmen (l. to r.):
The Tickler, the Flexer & the Weiner |
Eric Massa and Christopher Lee
And this Anthony Weiner are three
Of the horniest gents
That New York's ever sent
Down to Washington frickin' D.C.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Before exposing Anthony Weiner, blogger
Andrew Breitbart posted a misleadingly edited
video of
USDA
official
Shirley Sherrod, which
showed
her as a
racist
and got her fired |
Just because Weiner admitted it
Doesn't make Breitbart legitimate:
Remember who got
Shirley Sherrod
Fired, the way she was edited.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Treasury Dept. will be unable to pay its
bills after August 2 if Republicans block raising
the debt ceiling. Economists say a first-ever U.S.
default would be catastrophic |
Alas, our Republican potentates
Are not mathematical heavyweights:
If they get their way
And the U.S. can't pay,
Imagine what happens to interest rates.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After a week of denials, Rep. Anthony Weiner
(D-NY) apologized for sharing eponymous photos
with women online, and said he would not resign,
until he did so ten days later
|
The obvious lesson of Weinergate
For every political candidate:
When you're overheated
You don't have to tweet it--
Just go home and beat it, you reprobate.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the mother of all loss leaders, Amazon sold
440,000 new Lady Gaga albums at 99 ¢
in two
days (paying $8.40 for each
digital
copy it sold) |
Of all the unusual events...
New Gaga for 99 cents!
For buyers it's fun
But the industry's stunned--
Like, where will the prices go next?
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As governor, Mitt Romney (R-MA) signed a re-
quirement that everyone have health insurance, a
mainstream Republican idea, as was end-of-life counseling, until both became demonized within
The
Patient
Protection & Affordable Care Act
|
Flipflopicans
The mandate for coverage was their idea,
But these days they call it "Obamacare."
And end-of-life counseling?
That also was their thing,
Until it became the "death panel" scare.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Talk radio's like karaoke.
Yeah, once in a while you get lucky
And hear someone great
But they're not worth the wait,
Cuz everyone else is so sucky.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
CA preacher Harold Camping says his prophecy
that the world would end was off by five months
and
that Judgment Day will actually come Oct. 21 |
Now that the world isn't over,
He's moved the date up to October...
Although he may find
Not many inclined
To give the End Times a do-over.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu was unknowing-
ly recorded in 2001 saying "America is a thing
you
can move very easily." He proved it with
his
lecture to a Joint Session of Congress |
This wasn't just any old yahoo:
No, this was the great Netanyahu!
They stood thirty times
To applaud all his lines,
That not one meshuggenah saw through.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopefuls from Gingrich
to
Huntsman to Pawlenty feel required to say
they
would have voted for the House budget,
even
though most Americans oppose its radical
plan
to end Medicare. A Democrat won a special congressional
election
in NY on the issue |
They've finally come up with the best
Republican loyalty test:
'If you won't kill Medicare,
You won't go anywhere.'
This Democrat is impressed!
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When you hear an interview show,
It's really important to know
Who's human or not
(The typical bot
Begins every answer with "So....")
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN, left), who said
he would
not run for president, & the late Frank Perdue, who said "It
takes a tough
man to make a tender chicken" |
Mitch Daniels is not gonna run--
So why's everybody so stunned?
The guy's pretty smart:
He knew in his heart
Ol' Frank Perdue couldn't have won.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A week before Israeli PM Netanyahu's conten-
tious White House visit, veteran dealmaker
former Sen.
George Mitchell (D-ME) resigned
as
Special Envoy on Middle East peace after
28 months
of fruitless negotiations |
George Mitchell, who brought peace to Ireland,
Has thrown in the towel on the Holy Land
(He thought he knew stubborn
From workin' in Dublin,
But this was more than even George could stand).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Risking a first-ever federal default, Republicans
vow to
block raising
the nation's
debt limit
un-
less
they get $2 trillion
in budget
cuts. Ending
Bush
tax cuts for
the
rich
is "not
on the table" |
You'll have to explain how these hooligans,
Whose unprecedented shenanigans
Could cause the U.S.
To default on its debts,
Are such patriotic Americans.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) addresses a
town
hall meeting on how to trim government fat |
"Don't knock Christie's weight--nuthin's wrong--
Hey, the guy's just a little big-boned!"
"But if tightenin' the belt's
Good for everyone else,
Don't you think he could try that at home?"
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) and
wife Maria Shriver separated after she learned
he'd fathered a child over a decade ago with a
longtime member of their household staff. On
his last day in office, he'd reduced prison
time
for a crony's son involved in a fatal stabbing |
That Arnold's a walkin' disaster
Whose stock couldn't sink any faster--
From cuttin' the sentence
Of Esteban Nunez
To secretly fath'rin' a bastard.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two Republicans who announced they would not
seek the presidency (Trump and Huckabee) would have
had to give up lucrative TV deals to run |
For President, who do you wanna see,
Besides all the latest don't-wannabes?
The Donald and Barbour
Are going no farther,
And neither is Iron Mike Huckabee.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
A.Q. Khan (l.) who admitted selling nuclear se-
crets to Iran, N. Korea & Libya, was released
from
house arrest in 2009 and never prosecuted
by Pakistan; IMF chief/French pol Dominique
Strauss-Kahn (r.) was arrested in NYC
for
the sexual assault of a hotel maid (his second
wife's god-daughter made a similar charge) |
Just pity the people named Kahn:
A Paki sold nuclear bombs,
And now a top frog
Is arrested and charged
With failing to keep his pants on.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Princes William (l.) and Harry |
Why don't these handsome young brothers
Look a bit more like each other?
(If you need a clue,
It's not cuz the two
Didn't both have the same mother.)
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Imagine if former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
had declared his presidential ambitions
on
CraigsList
instead of
Twitter |
Hypocrite prone to philander,
Pander, meander 'n slander,
Is looking for work
With plenty 'a perks
(President, or something grander).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
First-term Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) is being
wooed to run for president by some top Iowa
Republican donors unhappy with the field
|
"So what's his appeal again?"
"He's comfortable in his own skin."
"Well jeepers, why not?
He's certainly got
Enough to be comfortable in!"
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
60 Minutes alleged that parts of Greg Morten-
son's book "Three Cups of Tea" (such as being
kidnapped by the Taliban) are not true, and
that
donations and book proceeds are going not
toward
building Afghan schools, but to him |
I'm making us three cups of tea--
Here's one for you, 'n two for me.
I'll tell you my tale
In daring detail--
Just don't take it literally.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Photo: Irfan Khan, © Los Angeles Times
The Dalai Lama
at the
University of
Southern California |
Get ready for gridiron drama:
The Trojans got the Dalai Lama!
He takes the ball, meditates,
Fakes a pass, levitates...
Touchdown! He's wavin' to mama!
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
9 years, 7 months and 20 days after Septem-
ber
11, 2001, U.S. forces killed Al
Qaeda
leader Osama bin Laden in a mansion
near
the
Pakistan Military Academy |
Obama's poll numbers should rise
With Osama bin Laden's demise:
We'd rather be workin'
But puttin' that jerk in
The ground* is a pleasant surprise
(*Or the sea, as we've since been advised).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN), who said Republi-
cans should declare 'a truce on social issues,' will
sign a bill
making Indiana the first state to cut off
all
government funding for Planned Parenthood
|
"I got an idea that's really good:
Let's do away with Planned Parenthood!
Young women won't miss
A program like this
'F they just stay away from young peckerwoods."
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Their birther baloney is baseless.
Their posters are totally tasteless.
And now their crusade
Is "Show us your grades!"
(Ya think that these folks might be racists?)
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Top brass were fired last year after an investiga-
tion
by
the Army inspector general found that
at
least
211 graves were mislabeled at Arlington
National Cemetery. But it's worse than that... |
Imagine a family's anxiety
At Arlington National Cemet'ry.
Your loved one is there--
You just hope they cared
To bury him where he's supposed to be.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) and other Republicans
faced angry town hall meetings over
their
budget
plan giving more tax breaks
to the
rich
while
shredding Medicare |
You notice the people ain't buyin'
The GOP budget by Ryan?
They wanted "less government"--
They didn't know it meant
Medicare actually dyin'!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wolves face renewed hunting now that a rider
attached to the budget bill requires them to be
removed
from the endangered species list in
Montana and Idaho,
to the cheers of hunters
and
ranchers and the alarm of conservationists |
We wolves are attracted to elk--
We hunt 'em like nobody else.
But we're in the sights
Of the two-legged types,
Who wanna have that to themselves.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Attendance
at
tea
party rallies has dropped
sharply since
the
attempted assassination of
Rep.
Gabrielle Giffords
(D-AZ)
that left six
dead and 13
injured in
Tucson |
Tea Party leaders are bummin'--
Lately the crowds aren't comin'.
Why aren't they there?
Maybe they're scared--
Too many gun nuts among 'em!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This year Good Friday and Earth Day
Happen to fall on the same day--
The Son and the Earth
Awaiting rebirth,
Bearing our sins in the same way.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
POTUS Envy
After saying everything he can to discredit the president, Donald Trump is expected to drop out
of the race before voters can say, "You're fired" |
The way Donald Trump has been lusting
For POTUS's job is disgusting.
If only he'd run--
It'd be so much fun
To watch Donald's rump take a dusting.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"I'll betcha that Donald Trump's nailed some babes, huh? Let's vote for him"
|
There's way more of us than of them...
So why do the rich always win?
Cuz too many simpletons
Vote for Republicans,
Thinkin' these guys are their friends.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Social Security benefits (already too low) won't
have to be cut if the earnings cap is removed and
all annual earnings and bonuses are subject to
FICA & Medicare tax, not just the first $100,000 |
The Social Security con:
They claim it'll run out of funds.
But just take the cap
Off the earnings we tax,
And problem solved. Please pass it on.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Initializing installation...Restore point created... |
Is Microsoft feeling okay?
There’s two or three updates a day
(Dunno if they’re workin’--
We're always restartin’
And never on line anyway).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jolly good weapons of mass distraction |
"Prince William is marrying--wow!"
"And that affects you and me how?
You're getting excited
Cuz we've been invited
Or you're just a silly girl now?"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Come in, tower? Come in? |
These cutbacks don't come without risks.
Air passengers understand this:
Like one air controller
Asleep in a tower
With 8 hours off between shifts.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anonymous posters are fulla sh*t--
The cowardly clowns of the internet.
Their serving 'a slime
Stays frozen in time
(With spelling so bad who knows what they meant).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Energy companies that wrote big checks to
GOP candidates were rewarded when House
Republicans cut $1.6 billion from
the
Environmental
Protection Agency's budget |
"1.6 billion from EPA--
That's makin' progress, now wouldn'ya say?"
(True, big polluters
Are our biggest rooters
But we woulda made these cuts anyway.)
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After they sabotaged
the revenue stream by ex-
tending
tax cuts for
the
wealthiest Americans, Republicans framed the budget battle as the
need
to cut "wasteful spending" |
The budget for this year is finally done,
But our little Tea Party's just begun.
Our purpose is clear--
Less taxes each year--
So watch as we reach out and f*ck someone.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Your tax [cuts for the rich] dollars at work |
It's all so confusing at first,
This fight for the federal purse...
But follow the dough,
Cuz that's how you'll know--
It's Robin Hood, just in reverse.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration © Mother Jones
America got punked by a party promising jobs
|
America to GOP
Tax cuts at the top, we're not buying.
They're one of the reasons we're dying.
We know what you'll say
Cuz we hear it each day
But they don't
create jobs, so stop lying.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Having challenged Pres. Obama's birth certificate, Donald Trump is rumored to keep his under his hair
|
Why Donald Trump should be President:
"Why wouldja even be hesitant?
I got the dough
And a big TV show,
'N I'm not an illegal resident."
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Seniors who want to cut government
spending
are age-exempt from Republican proposals
to
slash
Social
Security and Medicare benefits
|
These cuts to entitlements bite!
('Fyou're grandfathered in, you're all right...
That's why many seniors
Are with the extremists:
They don't have a dog in this fight).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Photo: Luis Sinco, © Los Angeles Times
While many on the right cheered for a government shutdown, the
military had a good reason not to
|
We're screwed by a Congress of clowns--
No pay unless they come around.
I guess for the Right
We're yesterday's fight:
"Support the troops," meet "Shut 'er down!"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Keep the government off our back!
Vote Republican |
WATCH out cuz here's what you're gonna win
If you keep voting Republican:
Your Social Security,
Medicare--those'll be
Gone by the time that they should kick in.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michelle
Bachmann (R-MN) has used
vio-
lent
anti-government rhetoric to rally teabaggers |
Bachmann and Palin and Jim DeMint
Constantly run down the government.
Hey, if you shmucks
Hate it so much,
Don't feel ya still have to run for it!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Transocean, which lost nine employees in the oil
rig explosion that fouled the Gulf of Mexico,
increased
bonus pay
for safety in 2010 |
"Hitherto under the onus
Of everyone wanting to stone us,
The management team
Is living the dream:
Everyone's getting a bonus!"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Opposed by the same enemies, Pres. Obama's conciliatory style is the opposite
of FDR's
|
So how do you like him so far?
He's fine but he's no FDR
Who 'welcomed the hatred'
Of those he frustrated
And knew 'em for just what they are.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Here we go again... |
"The Libyan rebels? Let's arm 'em
Before that Khaddafi can harm 'em.
It's not like Afghanistan:
Those guns'll never then
Wind up bein' used against our men."
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It's one year since Tilikum, a killer whale involved
in two prior deaths, grabbed experienced trainer
Dawn Brancheau
into the water and killed her in
front
of a
Florida audience |
That SeaWorld disaster was chilling--
A killer whale
really went killing.
Its trainer is dead
But let it be said
At least it lived up to its billing.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Selling vodka to robots |
That trendy new vodka is really hot--
Their billboards all say R.U. BOT OR NOT?
The people decrying
They're not R. just lying,
Cuz robots around here is all we got.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin offered illuminating commentary
following Pres. Obama's Libya speech |
Are we in a war or a skirmish?
Give up, cuz you're not so bookwormish?
What Libya is,
According to Ms.
Palin, is really a "squirmish."
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Areas for improvement |
Base to Obama
Untangle our ass overseas
And focus on joblessness, please.
Oh yeah, one more thing:
And when you're speaking,
F*ckin' stop droppin' your g's!
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Army Spc. Jeremy Worlock
was sentenced to 24
years in prison for the random murder of three
unarmed Afghan civilians.
He and others
in
his
unit posed smiling with Afghan corpses in
photographs
just published
in Der Spiegel
|
"Hearts and minds, that's what we have to win!"
Okay, but where is that happenin'?
It seems in Afghanistan,
Iraq and Pakistan,
We're as disliked as we've ever been.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Then-Pres. Bush was photographed smirking to
the
press corps after his admission that he
should
not have said "Bring 'em on" when asked about
possible attacks on American forces in Iraq |
Forty-four hundred and forty-four
Americans dead in Iraqi War
Through March 27,
2011;
The wounded are thirty-two thousand more.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With the news from Japan getting worse, news
junkies can be forgiven for
having
a one-track mind
|
Don't give me the news from Namibia
Or endless political trivia.
I just want the poop
On those Japanese nukes.
I don't give a sh*t about Libya.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Labour Party leader Ed Miliband bashes
the
Tories with glee in Prime Minister's Questions |
The Democrats need a new firebrand
Like Labour of Britain's Ed Miliband.
The guy takes no sh*t
From Conservative twits,
And gives it right back, 'spite their upper hand.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Long flight |
Don't take your shoes off on the plane!
The gases could set us aflame!
The rest of us care
What we breathe in this air...
Goddam it, did you fart again?!
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Hours after the UN approved a No Fly Zone in
Libya, Nobel Peace Prize winner Pres. Obama
took
the
US into another war
|
Oh whoopee, we're going to war!
(Have I seen this movie before?)
We're stretched pretty thin
With the two that we're in,
But why don't we get in one more?
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Japan struggled to prevent a nuclear meltdown after
an earthquake and tsunami
damaged six reactors |
Poor earthlings, they can't disembark.
The future they're facing is stark.
One bright spot, however:
They'll save lots of power
There, once they all glow in the dark.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
How many jobs will be lost if Republicans get
their $60 billion in budget cuts? Between
200,000
(per Bernanke) to over 700,000, ac-
cording to other economists. Meanwhile
there's no evidence that the cuts would increase
employment or boost economic activity |
If Republican cuts all go down, then
Jobs lost 'll be hundreds of thousands.
That's why we should balk
At the deficit hawks
Compounding our joblessness problems.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) gave $140 million in
tax breaks to corporations just before he an-
nounced
this fiscal year's deficit of $137 million,
then signed
a bill curbing collective bargaining
rights for public employees, except the
unions
that supported
his election | In Walker we've come to despise
The hidden agenda and lies
But we shoulda known
He's bad to the bone--
It's all in those deadly dull eyes.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Socializing |
A socially handicapped zone
where everyone stares at his phone
i'm giving this bar
only one star
i could be this bored at home
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Returning presidential hopeful ex-Gov. Mike
Huckabee
(R-AR), an ordained Southern Baptist minister, claimed in a radio interview that
Pres.
Obama
was raised in Kenya, where the Mau
Mau revolution inspired his
anti-Western feelings |
Don't care if he's fat or he's thin,
If he's saved or he's drownin' in sin.
All I care about
Is just keepin' him out
Of the White House forever. Amen.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA), who is
exploring a presidential run, called on House
Republicans "to move a bill to create a venue for
state bankruptcy," so states can escape their pen-
sion obligations to firemen, cops and teachers
|
Newt Gingrich can fix the economy:
Have states all declare they're in bankruptcy!
It's easy, it's fast--
Everyone gets the shaft!
These problems aren't hard as they seem to be.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Production was suspended on the top TV
show over Charlie Sheen's behavior |
For Two and a Half Men to last,
You just have to change up the cast.
The little boy grew,
So try somethin' new--
Like Charlie Sheen playing the Half.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Col. Kadafi blamed Osama bin Laden for a
Libyan revolt against his rule, and said young
protesters
were fueled by milk and
Nescafé
spiked
with hallucinogenic drugs |
Al Qaeda put drugs in my Nescafé!
Now fighting is all I can do all day!
(Think after I topple
Kadafi, some Snapple
With extra drugs in it would be okay?)
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Service with a smile
Illus. by Maggie Delbon, © Enterprise Media
|
When thanking somebody, "You're welcome"
Has sadly turned into "No problem"--
A grudging reply
That sounds like a lie
(And maybe that's why it's so common).
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) was the first
Republican governor to scapegoat teacher
unions for state budget shortages, but the
real
culprit is unemployment |
Our teachers are lower than Jaws' shit.
Whatever the problem, they caused it.
Why, sonuvabitch,
They're all gettin' rich!
Let's lower their pay till they all quit.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Meet the new, fiscally responsible Republicans |
Republican Guide to Fiscal Responsibility
Step 1: Kill the surplus with tax cuts
Step 2: Fight two wars till they bust us
Step 3, this is key:
Straightfacedly
Explain how the Democrats f*cked us.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Rightwing billionaires Charles (l.) & David Koch founded & largely fund Americans For Prosperity,
a political advocacy group opposing the stimulus package, climate change legislation, health care
reform, collective bargaining rights, paying taxes... |
Americans For, what, Prosperity?
You Koch brothers gotta be kiddin' me!
The minimum wage
Puts you guys in a rage!
Your front isn't what it pretends to be.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) spent 20 minutes on
the phone with a man he thought was billionaire rightwing contributor David Koch (pron. coke),
discussing
his efforts to bust Wisconsin unions |
"Scott Walker." "Hi Scott, David Koch"
[Imposter who taped while they spoke,
Just kicking 'round plans
To f*ck Everyman,
With Scott never getting the joke].
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans For Prosperity, funded by the Koch brothers, is bussing Tea Partiers to Madison to support Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) against those demonstrating to keep collective bargaining rights.
The billionaire Kochs have much to gain from his
union-busting efforts, & the middle class much
to
lose: it fared best when unions were strong
|
The Tea Party's mixed up again:
They think that Scott Walker's their friend
And unions are bad
So bring on the scabs...
But guess who'll get f*cked in the end.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration © Mother Jones
Just weeks after they blocked all bills until tax
cuts were extended for the wealthy [adding al-
most $1 trillion to the deficit], Republicans are
ready to shut down the government if Demo-
crats don't agree to draconian spending cuts
|
The rich got their tax cuts, so now
It's time to shut government down
(It's hard to believe
We voted for these
Banana Republican clowns).
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The latest Glenn Beck fantasy has both Presidents Bush conspiring with American leftists to place
the seat of Islamic world government in Babylon |
Glenn Beck's latest off'ring of fear and hate
Has something to do with a "caliphate"
(You must turn on Fox
If you wanna watch
A crazy man mentally masturbate).
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In his speech at Cairo University in June, 2009,
Pres. Obama lectured the government: "You
must maintain
your power through consent
[and] place the interests of your people...above
your party....Elections alone do not make true democracy."
An audience member shouted,
"Barack Obama, we love you!"
|
Democracy, people, is where it's at!
Obama told Cairo. We got your back!
Now Egypt is reeling
And he must be feeling
A bit like Steve Urkel: Did I do that?
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) resigned hours
after this photo and flirty emails with a
woman
on Craigslist turned up on a gossip
website.
Using his real name, the married congressman,
46, said he was a divorced lobbyist, 39 |
How many people have jerked off
To Christopher Lee with his shirt off?
He doesn't look bad
For a husband and dad;
"Lobbyist," though, that's a turnoff.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Keeping its word not to attack protestors, the Egyptian Army stood by and let others do it
|
Egyptian protestors, we ♥ you!
The Army will never attack you!
[But if other feds
Should start cracking heads,
You don't think we'd actually back you?!]
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The digital age is a thief's delight |
The rights of an author get trampled
When copy gets "scraped," music "sampled."
So if someone takes
A work you create,
Sue him and make an example.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If the U.S. seems cool toward change in Egypt, it's because it doesn't know who'd fill the power vac-
uum to be left by dictator ally Hosni Mubarak (l.) |
Egyptians would like to be done
With Hosni Mubarak & Son.
The Yanks are aghast:
"Hey wait, not so fast--
We don't know who else we can run!"
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"American Exceptionalism," or
How to
Win Friends & Influence People |
America--we're so Exceptional
It's hard not to get all erectional.
We're so heaven-blessed
God loves us the best
Why can't the world be more affectional?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After years of helping to transfer wealth
from
the middle to upper class, many in Washing-
ton are now
calling for "shared sacrifice"--with
cuts to
programs
like Social Security because
keeping
them
might require the rich to contrib-
ute
more
than
their
current share |
The middle class, tossed out of paradise,
Is asking what's meant by "shared" sacrifice:
Just what will the rich in
America pitch in
As we give up more of our half a slice?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Keith Olbermann signed off on Countdown as MSNBC announced an end to their contract, just
days after the FCC & Justice Dept. approved
Comcast's acquisition of a 51% stake in NBC
Universal from General Electric |
We took ya for granted--now Countdown
Is leaving the air--what a letdown.
Keith Olbermann, why
Are you leavin' us, guy?
Did someone on high make you step down?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Working with Presidents Kennedy (his brother-
in-law) and Johnson, the late Sargent Shriver
launched numerous social programs that remain
in
place today. "Serve, serve, serve," he said. "In
the end, it will be the servants who save us all." |
Back when government wasn't taboo
And "the cause of our problems" [not true],
From VISTA and Peace Corps
To Head Start and Job Corps,
He showed us the good it can do.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gun stores are sold out of the Glock 18 w/33
round magazine, the gun that suspected shooter
Jared Loughner used to kill six & injure 13
oth-
ers
including Rep. Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson |
You know a society's sick
When a tragedy happens like this
And taking top prize
As gun sales rise?
The same f*cking Glock with a clip.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
(R-TX), sentenced to three years in prison for
money-laundering, called it a "travesty of jus-
tice" & said he'd been convicted "in the most
liberal county in the country [Travis Co., TX]" |
So Tom DeLay, known as The Hammer,
Is finally facing the slammer.
But appeals can drag on
So while he's out on bond,
We'll still have to hear the guy yammer.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Remember when America actually made things?
Now an entrepreneur defaces U.S. currency to
make a
buck off banner ads |
A website's defacing our currency:
It's WheresGeorge.com if you wanna see.
They want you to track
Where a bill's been and back
(Just do it before they're in custody).
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Unsuccessful Senate candidate Sharron Angle
(R-NV) said, "I'm hoping that we're not getting
to 2nd Amendment remedies. I hope the vote
will be the cure for the Harry Reid problems." Inflammatory political speech and permissive
gun laws were denounced by Sheriff Dupnik
after
the attempted assassination of Rep.
Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson, where six died
|
Sharron Angle, your crass contribution
About Second Amendment solutions
Did not show much thought
That lives could be lost.
Only YOU can prevent noise pollution.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"The leader and the speaker have established
their integrity and their mendacity for years
in this Congress," Rep. Steve King (R-IA)
told
the new session on January 6 |
'Our Speaker John Boehner's integrity
Is matched only by his mendacity...'
You got it, Steve King.
What knowledge you bring!
Norm Crosby himself would be proud 'a thee.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), Rep. Jeff Denham
(R-CA) and Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID) are among
new lawmakers who promised Tea Party sup-
porters they'd "reduce the influence of lobbyists
and special interests in Washington," and then
named lobbyists as their chiefs of staff |
We voted for change so don't laugh
At our little tea party gaffe
But the guy we elected
Has gone and selected
A lobbyist as chief of staff!
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) takes the gavel |
The Hundred Twelfth Congress is here
And plugging a bogus idea:
That shrinking the government
Will solve our predicament.
Where are the jobs, Boehner dear?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slap the next person to overuse "like"...pass it on |
Throughout, like, the whole USA
The word you hear everyone say
Is "I'm like, blah BLAH blah blah...
She's like, blah BLAH blah blah..."
Shut the f*ck up, like, OK?!!
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America's proliferation of guns and densen-
sitization to violence are a lethal combination |
You know what would really be something?
If we could just get off the gun thing.
That Glock on your hip
Makes you look kinda sick
[But sayin' that might be a dumb thing].
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Dream Act, which would have given those
brought to the US illegally as children a path to
citizenship through college or military service,
passed the House but fell 5 votes short of the 60 needed to bring it to the Senate floor for debate |
Senate Rules
The Dream Act got 55 Yays
But lost out to 41 Nays
(It's like a bad dream--
You can win by 14
And go down to defeat anyways).
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) has held so many bills
from moving
forward that he's known as Dr. No.
The latest to fall, an overhaul of vehicle
safety
laws drafted
in the
wake
of Toyota's
fatal
sudden-acceleration accidents, had once seemed
certain to pass |
You can't have majority rule
When a Senator's playin' the fool.
It only takes one
And a good bill is done:
He puts a "hold" on it, and drools.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin tried to wink her way into voters'
hearts in the 2008
VP debate with Joe Biden |
"My Gawd, Sarah Palin is somethin'!
She winked at me once, the lil' dumplin'."
"Was she on TV?"
"Yeah, but she winked at me!
'N I thought, Yer in luck, country bumpkin!"
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ) complained that keeping
the
Senate in session up to Christmas was "disrespectful" to Christians |
Republicans: "It's sacreligious!
We may have to work up to Christmas!"
Well, next year don't fight
Every bill that is right
And you'll get home on time, you ol' bitches.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The late Richard Holbrooke's grim assessment
of Afghanistan was reinforced by classified in-
telligence reports of little progress there and
the
arming, training and funding of the Taliban
by Pakistan, which
is due to get another $7.5
billion
from the U.S. over the next 3 years |
As we send more billions to Pakistan,
Our BFF's training the Taliban
To blow up our guys
(We fund their demise).
Don't let your kid go to Afghanistan.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The final words of veteran U.S. diplomat Richard Holbrooke were "You've got to stop this war in Afghanistan," his family has disclosed. As U.S.
special envoy there, he told Bob Woodward our
strategy "has a one in ten chance of succeeding" |
To the President:
Please give Richard Holbrooke his wish 'n
Wrap up this Afghanistan mission.
You'll save lotsa lives,
Let guys see their wives
And play with the kids 'n go fishin'.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Incoming Weeper of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) cries about "living the
American
dream," but seems oblivious to
how
Re-
publican proposals would kill that
dream
for others: from repealing student
loan
reform to eliminating
the
minimum wage
to privatizing
Social
Security
and Medicare |
The American Dream makes him cry...
While Republican schemes make it die.
If Americans knew
What these guys wanna do
We would all blubber too, that's no lie.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are riding on hot air and lots of money |
You can't run a country on rhetoric
And claim that you're fighting the deficit
While pimping two wars
For a decade (soon more)
And giving tax breaks with no benefit.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans are already paying for GOP election
gains, as emboldened Senate Republicans block
all bills including an extension of tax cuts for
98% of Americans, until they are extended
for
the
wealthiest 2% |
Till they get their way with tax loopholes
They've shoved other bills down a rathole.
Kill Don't Ask Don't Tell?
Pass the Dream Act as well?
No chance, cuz we voted for assholes.
There's nothing they're willing to barter
(The START Treaty's still a non-starter!)
No tax cuts for us--
We're under the bus.
Too bad that the voters weren't smarter.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in custody.
British authorities should question
the
BBC
about its decision to link to WikiLeaks'
top
secret U.S. cable that amounts to a "hit
list
for
Al
Qaeda" of crucial overseas sites. AP and
other
news
organizations
did
not publish the list |
WikiLeaks says, 'So tough!
We're blabbing your secret stuff.'
And then BBC
Wants the whole world to see
Our soft targets. Enough's enough!
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republican Senators held unemployment bene-
fits and other bills hostage to an extension of
Bush
tax cuts for the wealthiest
2% of
Ameri-
cans,
even though
keeping
them will cost $830
billion over the
next
ten years, and they haven't
created
jobs:
Only one million were created in
Pres.
Bush's 8 years v.
22 million in Pres.
Clin-
ton's (the tax rates
they don't want to return
to) |
It's out there for all to see--
The blatant hypocrisy:
"To combat the deficit"
No jobless benefits
Coming to you or me
'Less billionaires get a hand
And all 'a their tax cuts stand
[The deficit will
Get bigger still,
But deficit fears be damned].
It's out there for all to see--
We're f*cked by the GOP.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It's hard to age gracefully when you're a cell phone |
It looks like an old piece of crap
It doesn't have photos or apps
But give me a ring
And I'll answer the thing--
You can't ask for much more than that.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Iraq veteran
infantry officer Lt. Daniel Choi, a
West Point graduate, Arab linguist and one of
14,000+ military personnel discharged under
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, was the first to re-enlist
when a judge declared the law unconstitutional |
The courts say the law's gotta go
The Pentagon also thinks so
The people agree
End DADT!
But "Maverick" McCain still says No.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Somali-born Mohamed Mohamud, 19, was ar-
rested by the FBI after trying to detonate a
bomb at Portland OR's Christmas tree-lighting |
He wouldn't have batted an eye
If thousands of people had died,
But Portland's okay
And Mo's put away.
Keep up the good work, FBI.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After N. Korea's surprise attack on a S. Korean
island, Sarah Palin told Glenn Beck
"...obviously,
we gotta stand with our North Korean allies."
According
to the election best-seller Game
Change, Palin
could not tell her
debate coaches
in
Sept.
2008
why there was a N.
and S. Korea
|
Didja hear Sarah Palin on Asia?
Perhaps it's a case of aphasia--
She 'stands with our allies
In North [this is no lie]
Korea'--Goddam, does that faze ya?!
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pope Benedict, who provoked outrage when he
said that using condoms could make the AIDS
epidemic worse, now says that they could
be
acceptable in some cases "for a prostitute" |
The Pope says a condom's okay*
*But just if you're screwin' for pay.
That's some limitation:
The world's population
Grows 200,000 per day.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Asked about global warming, Rep. John Shim-
kus (R-IL) said we shouldn’t worry about the
planet
being destroyed because God promised
Noah it
wouldn’t happen again after the great
flood. He wants
to head the Energy Committee |
We'd better start listening to scientists
Or life as we know it will not exist.
Keep raising the heat
And nobody will eat.
It's not like we pray our way outta this.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America will squander up to $6,000,000,000,000
(six trillion dollars) in Afghanistan
and
Iraq
while China sells the world what we used to make here |
China's not fighting two wars;
They're too busy finding new shores.
It just goes to show
How far you can go
When you are using both oars.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Money and negative ads from a millionaire
candidate and outside groups doomed the
re-election
of Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI),
one
of
the
Senate's
strongest progressives |
Tired of Feingold, Wisconsin
Traded for fool's gold, Ron Johnson.
Veering hard right
Shows a death wish, all right--
Too bad they can't get Charles Bronson.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Pres. Bush writes that Sen. Minority
Leader Mitch McConnell asked him in Sept.
2006 to withdraw some troops from Iraq to
help Republican chances in the midterm elec-
tion [while
both men were blasting Democrats
for
wanting
to "cut and run"] |
C'mon George, y'know I got your back
But goddam it, we're taking some flak!
If we don't cut and run
These elections are done!
Can't you please pull some troops from Iraq?
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Some who like the Second Amendment
don't
care for others that separate
church & state (I),
guarantee citizenship & equal
protection (XIV),
& allow people to elect their Senators (XVII) |
Constitution? They love and defend it*
*Except where it's wrongly amended:
The First and Fourteenth
And, no joke, Seventeenth
Are Amendments they wanna see ended.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After demonstrating how not to run for Governor,
Carl Paladino (R-NY) showed how not to concede |
It looked like a scene from Casino:
Election night, Carl Paladino
Picked up a big bat
But before it went splat
They said, "Stop, Carl! Ya lost! No more vino!"
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Presumptive Speaker of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) will be second in line to the presidency |
How's the President? Sure hope he's fine...
And Joe Biden? We ask all the time--
Let's hope Joe and Barack
Keep those art'ries unblocked
Cuz John Boehner's the next one in line.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Do constant, unfounded claims that
President
Obama is weak on
terror embolden
our
enemies? |
Where ignorance passes for reason,
Obama hate's always in season
So turn off Fox News,
Let talk radio snooze
And enjoy a nice day without treason.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Merrill Lynch needs some love after losing billions under
CEO Stanley O'Neal and being taken over by
Bank of America |
When Merrill got lynched it was hard:
They still have such low self-regard
That every last piece
You get from them reads
Important and Do not discard.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A record-breaking Latino turnout helped
save
Senate seats for Barbara Boxer (D-CA, above),
Harry
Reid (D-NV) &
Michael Bennett (D-CO) |
With big corporate interests attacking,
The Democrats took a shellacking
But it woulda been worse
(They'd be calling the hearse)
If Latino support had been lacking.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Despite making false claims about
their military records, Mark Kirk
(R-IL), on l., and Richard
Blu-
menthal (D-CT) were both elected to the Senate |
As long as our leaders inspire,
Who cares if their pants are on fire?
Like Fibber McKirk
And that Blumenthal jerk--
The latest of great Senate liars.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With corporate money flowing to unseat Demo-
crats who voted for reform of healthcare, Wall
Street
and Big Oil, 2010 campaign expenditures
will
total $4 billion, thanks to the Roberts
Supreme
Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations
can spend whatever they want on elections |
Though 4 billion may sound kinda high
For an off-year election (no lie)
There's no need to fret
Because we're gonna get
The best government money can buy.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As local government attorney, Senate candidate
Joe Miller (R-AK) got a 3-day suspension and
6-month probation after using multiple govern-
ment
computers in 2008 to slam a rival online,
and
then lying about it.
Recently his security
guards handcuffed
a reporter
trying to question
him
at an event
|
Joe Miller the Tea Party fave
Admits that he did misbehave
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
We just wish the a-hole would shave!
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Shown Sharron Angle's (R-NV) anti-
Harry
Reid ad smearing Latinos, The View's Joy Behar
exploded, "I'd like to see her do this ad in the
South Bronx. Come here, bitch! Come to New
York
and do it." |
When fighting back, Dems don't go far enough
Like ex-boxer Reid ("doesn't spar enough").
They might take their cue
From that gal on The View--
At this point they can't go Behar enough.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
U.S. Chamber of Commerce CEO Tom Donohue
with former Pres. Bush. The chamber is spending $75,000,000+ in contributions from U.S. and for-
eign companies to defeat Democrats who've voted
for stronger regulation of healthcare, Wall Street
and Big Oil, and
the Chamber has hosted seminars
with Chinese government
officials
to
teach
American
firms how to outsource
|
The United States Chamber of Commerce:
With a name like that they should be for us
But they don't feel funny
'Bout takin' foreign money
And teaching our firms how to outsource.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Carly Fiorina (R-CA) was fired
as Hewlitt Packard CEO with $42 million com-
pensation, after HP's
stock price fell by
half
and
33,000 employees lost their jobs |
And it's Boxer against Fiorina,
The ex-Hewlitt Packard czarina
With yachts on both coasts
(And thousands of folks
Who wish that they'd plain never seen 'er).
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
i miss u i need u i want u
i can't live this cruel life w/o u
so txt me back quik
or i'll call u a prik
and post lotsa bad thgs abt u
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A gift that will keep on giving
|
This war on Iraq's been a mother,
But look what we're leaving our brothers:
Now Sunnis and Shiites
Have someone to dislike
More than they dislike each other.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
$500 million from anonymous donors will be
spent this year on misleading attack ads, mostly against Democrats who've voted for stronger
regulation of healthcare, Wall Street and Big Oil |
These right-wing attack ads are fulla crap
('Fya don't believe me, check Politifact).
They pump out the lies
With big TV buys
And tell us "we're taking our country back."
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kim Jong Il's youngest son Kim Jong
Eun was
made a 4-star general after 3 years in the military,
and
will soon take over as leader
of North Korea |
First North Korea had Kim Il Sung,
Then Kim Jong Il, his eccentric son.
Now that Jong's ill
And going downhill,
Make way for best fed son Kim Jong Eun.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Five American gay teens have committed suicide
in the last two weeks after bullying by classmates |
The bullies who love to harass
The little gay boy in the class
Are keeping a secret
But we're gonna leak it:
They all want a dick up their ass.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Possible side effects of Merck's daily hair loss
pill Propecia include "less desire for sex" and
"difficulty
in achieving an erection" |
Propecia fights baldness, it's said,
But the side effects make us see red!
(Though baldness is sick,
When you think with your dick
You don't wanna go soft in the head).
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Attempts like the late Rep. Jack
Kemp's (R-NY)
to broaden the base of the Republican party con-
trast with today's 'conservative purity' mindset |
Remember those people like Jack Kemp
Who spoke of a GOP "big tent?"
A storm came along;
Now that tent is so gone,
It's hard to imagine what Jack meant.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Georgia "cure the gays" televangelist Eddie Long
vows to fight charges that he coerced young male
church members into having sex with him |
Pastor Long keeps getting sued
By young men who say they were screwed.
He says he's been framed
And will fight for his name
(After he saves this next dude).
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Moderate" Republican Senators Susan Collins
(l.) and Olympia Snowe of Maine
disappoint-
ed
Democrats once again by voting
with their
own
party--this time to block
repeal
of "Don't
Ask
Don't
Tell," a law they acknowledged
is unfair
|
As GOP heartbreakers go,
You can't beat Ms. Collins or Snowe.
We court these ol' dames
From Ballbuster, Maine,
But funny, they always say No.
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals
and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains," Tea Party favorite
and Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell (R-DE)
told Bill O'Reilly on The Factor in 2007 |
The case against stem cells explained:
'We can't let dem mice have our brains!'
Has Christie O'Donnell
Been hitting the bottle?
Or all the tea makes her insane?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Energy Dept. is holding 324 metric tons of
bomb-grade uranium at the same time the Obama administration is urging nations to reduce or
eliminate their stores of the material, according
to
the Project
on Government Oversight |
America: Please, everyone,
Get rid of your u-ra-ni-um
[The highly enriched
Bomb grade, of which
We only have 300 tons].
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Chuck Grassley
and other prominent Republicans spread fears of
"death panels" if the healthcare bill passed, even
though its provision for Medicare coverage
of
voluntary end-of-life counseling was supported
by numerous Republicans
|
With 2008 to erase,
Republicans must win this race.
To capture the prize,
They're making up lies
So big you can see them from space.
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ) went blank during her opening statement and swore off further debates |
The debate had just barely begun
When the cat got the governor's tongue...
But hey, by the way,
If she's nothing to say,
Shouldn't this whole thing be done?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Over seven years passed between two
presidents' declarations that major combat
operations
were over in Iraq:
Bush (May
1,
2003)
and
Obama (August 31,
2010) |
Iraqis have suffered too long!
It's time to go take out Saddam.
They'll greet us with flowers,
We'll win it in hours
And hurry home. What could go wrong?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Scared to eat? |
With bad eggs infecting the nation
And oil on your favorite crustacean,
You're so hungry now
You could eat a mad cow...
Enjoying that deregulation?
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ken Mehlman, who has just come out as
gay,
managed Pres. Bush's 2004 reelection
campaign
as anti-gay
marriage
measures
were
placed
on
state ballots
across
the
country to
drum
up
Republican votes |
Imagine it's gotta be hell, man,
Waking up next to Ken Mehlman--
Screwed by the one
Who screwed everyone
As closeted GOP chairman.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When NJ lost out on a $400 million federal
education grant by providing the wrong
year's
data on its
application, Gov. Christie
(R-NJ)
blamed
Pres. Obama and the length of
the
application before firing his education
commissioner who'd made the error |
New Jersey blew four hundred mill
In grants from the federal till
By screwing the app up
And blaming the f*ck-up
On Washington, just for the drill.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Federal investigators are focusing on Houston-
based BP
supervisor
John Guide and drilling
engineers Mark Hafle and Brian Morel for
ordering less
safety devices than recommended
on the Deepwater Horizon well. Hafle
and
Morel refused to testify, taking the fifth |
The guys who designed BP's well--
Like Hafle and Guide and Morel--
Knew less centralizers
And safety devices
Would cut their time drilling to hell.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama is a Christian who prays daily, the
White House said to address growing doubts.
Opponents portray Obama as a dangerous
outsider, though he's American born,
goes to
church, and won by nearly nine million votes |
A Pew poll of public opinion
Asked, "What is Obama's religion?"
Nearly half had no clue
If he's Christian or Jew;
Eighteen percent put it as Islam.
When Time Magazine asked the same,
That last number had a big gain.
Now one in four said
He's Muslim. (That's bad.
America, where is thy brain?)
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An Islamic center is planned two blocks from the
new World Trade Center at NY's Ground Zero |
Put the mosque in the Trade Center!
And welcome the faithful who enter!
(The day no one's there,
Run for the stairs
And don't be the first to re-enter.)
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A former college classmate told GQ that fellow
swim team members Rand
Paul and a
friend,
who'd been smoking pot, blindfolded
and
kid-
napped her in college
and
tried to
force her
to
take bong hits. When she
refused, they
made
her kneel in a creek and "worship their
God,
Aqua
Buddha" |
Rand kidnapped a coed at Baylor
(But just to get stoned, not to nail her).
His caper went wrong
When he showed her his bong
(Alas, she was not an inhaler).
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
By doing big energy deals with Tehran, Russia,
China, Turkey & India are flouting the West's
new
sanctions intended to halt Iran's nuclear
program
|
Iranian sanctions won't work:
The Russians and Chinese and Turks
Are all overjoyed
To be filling the void,
And don't care if we think they're jerks.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If all the bills passed by the House under Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) were passed by the Senate
and signed by Pres. Obama, we'd have the change
we were looking for |
You'd think that this mother of five's
The worst human being alive!
Rightwingers condemn her
But come this November
Watch Nancy Pelosi survive.
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama with Pakistani Pres. Zardari.
Wiki-Leaked documents show that Pakistan,
which has received
$18 billion in U.S.
aid since
9/11, is
helping
the Taliban in Afghanistan |
Now guess who's been helping the Taliban:
None other than our friends in Pakistan!
(Though powerfully paid
In American aid,
Some live just to hurt an American.)
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republican Senators blocked extension of
jobless benefits
to 1.7 million
Americans
until Democrats broke their filibuster
|
The job bill's dead. They filibustered it
"Because it would increase the deficit."
No money for jobs
But for war they've got gobs.
Republican wisdom is infinite.
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When CNN's Larry King tried to shake hands with
murder
defendant O.J. Simpson in court, an
officer
had
to tell him three times to stop." Rebuffed,
King
gave Simpson a hang-in-there
gesture," wrote
Dominick Dunne in Vanity
Fair,
April 1995 |
When someone screws up in a big way,
Forgive and forget--that's what we say.
(Like, wasn't it tender
How Mr. Suspenders
Stayed best friends forever with
O. J.?)
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Make us whole"
|
People were lined 'round the block
This morning at seven o'clock.
"What's going on?" I say.
"New iPhone's out today!"
iShoulda bought Apple stock.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Rolling Stone article that felled Army Gen.
Stanley McChrystal cites the poor record of couinterinsurgencies:
the
French in Algeria,
Americans in Vietnam, Soviets in Afghanistan... |
While Stanley McChrystal is gone,
The Afghan quagmire lives on.
Do we ignore history?
Counterinsurgencies
Seldom if ever are won.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The UN reports that in our ninth year in
Afghanistan, insurgent violence is up sharply.
Support our troops--
Bring them home! |
If foreign troops marched down our streets,
We'd plant roadside bombs till they leave.
And if their bombs rained
From pilotless planes,
We'd all be insurgents indeed.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slap the next guy who says "Back in the day"...
pass it on |
"Back in the day, [blah blah blah, blah blah blah]."
"At the end of the day, [blah blah blah]."
"Hey, it's all good," they say.
Can't take one more cliché?
Close your ears and go, "La la la la..."
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) apologized to CEO
Tony Hayward
for the White House's
"shakedown"
of BP for a $20 billion "slush fund" |
REPUBLICAN OFFERS APOLOGY
And tells CEO it's a "tragedy"
That BP must pay
For its little mistake
--Just what you'd expect from the GOP.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Some Brits are angry at BP's suspension of
dividends to pay for its mess in the gulf |
Quite loath to be dividend-free,
Some Brits are defending BP.
(Payin' for the gusher
Means pensions will suffer
And money trumps morals, you see.)
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own
money to
win the GOP nomination for
governor of California |
Republicans get an erection
Whenever they buy an election.
With Meg, better yet--
She writes her own checks!
We're screwed, and they won't use protection.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In its flouting of consequences, the Republicans'
"Drill, baby, drill" is eerily similar to the
catch-
phrase of the 60's
race riots, "Burn,
baby,
burn" |
To every last fish in the killing sea
And turtle and oyster and manatee
And seabird and whale
And all else we failed,
We're sorry for our damned stupidity.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many Israelis recognize that only outside pressure
will push their country away from apartheid and
toward a two-state solution with the Palestinians |
When sanctioned by governments worldwide,
South Africa ended apartheid.
Now in the Mideast
Will there ever be peace
Till Israel loses its dark side?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From live video feed of the oil gushing into the
Gulf of Mexico |
Rand Paul says Obama should get
His boot offa poor BP's neck,
Cuz "that's un-American...
Accidents happen."
Can we cap the well with this dreck?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rand Paul (R-KY) said the Civil Rights and Fair Housing
Acts encroach on a business's right to discriminate |
To Tea Bagger Rand of Kentucky,
The Civil Rights Act is horsepucky.
'You should have the right
Not to serve a non-white...'
Just me, or does this tea taste yucky?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
said he
served in Vietnam but never did |
While on a big whopper they're chokin'
And leaving supporters heartbroken,
Pols never say "I
Am sorry I lied..."
It's always, "I may have misspoken."
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Those demanding "less government" should
ask
just
how much less we can stand |
Toyota put growth over safety
And so did their soulmates at BP
While NHTSA and MMS
Did their jobs less and less,
Failing so badly it's creepy.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When fat cats give assurances, cover your ears
and go "La la la la la" |
The Titanic, they said, was unsinkable.
Another big oil spill unthinkable.
The '29 crash?
That was "all in the past."
The worst part? We're still so hoodwinkable.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Anti-gay activist George Rekers quit NARTH,
his "cure the homosexuals" group, after going
to Europe with a male prostitute |
I hired him to carry my bags!
You know I'm not one of those fags!
I taught him the gospel!
[He gave you an assfull.
Now your reputation's in rags.]
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Halliburton followed BP's cement design, which
was thin
and didn't allow for proper testing,
according to experts |
They're ripping us off in two wars
And spilling oil onto our shores.
If you look for dirt on
BP/Halliburton,
You'll find it all over these whores.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The oil slick from a BP rig that exploded,
kill-
ing
11
workers, is headed for land as
200,000
gallons a day
leak
into the Gulf of
Mexico |
The gulf has an oil slick so dire,
They're setting the whole thing on fire.
If anyone still
Insists we can drill
Safely offshore, he's a liar.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
17 senior SEC officers spent the
meltdown
downloading pornography,
according to a
government report |
Amid the financial catastrophe,
What were they doin' at the SEC?
Were they bustin' jerkoffs
Like Goldman or Madoff?
Nah...too busy watchin' pornography.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Just in the month prior to the
explosion that
killed 29 coal miners, Massey Energy
was
cited
for 57 violations at Big Branch
that
included
repeatedly failing to develop a
ventilation plan |
Inside the mountain they crawl
So we'll have a light on the wall.
Day after day,
Sent into harm's way...
Like soldiers they die for us all.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans in the Senate have become "lawbortionists,"
killing even bills they
once supported...just to thwart
majority rule
|
Democracy loses its luster
When stick-in-the-muds filibuster.
A Senate bill dies
With 59 Ayes,
If 41 Nays they can muster.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What mandate for change?
300 bills passed by the House of Representatives
have died in the Senate. Most had the
votes
to
pass by simple majority, but were blocked
by an unprecedented number of GOP filibusters |
(As killing oneself is called suicide
And killing another is homicide)
When Senators kill
Every bill on the Hill,
The word for their crime is democracide.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big Business masterfully confused Americans
over
healthcare reform, convincing many that it
was a handout
to
others that wouldn't benefit themselves |
"Less government!" Tea Baggers sing,
Delighting those pulling their strings
(Fat cats who'll relax when
They're paying no tax and
We deregulate everything).
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
MSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott
Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning
to run against him |
Two months past a win that was stunning,
Scott Brown shows incredible cunning.
He's raising big dough
To stave off his 'next foe'
(A woman who's not even running).
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When President Obama signed healthcare
reform
into
law, Vice President Biden
couldn't
contain his enthusiasm
and
dropped
an F-bomb by an open mic |
"When health reform passed, how'd you feel?"
"Like, pinch me--this cannot be real!"
"Psst...I felt that way
When I heard Biden say,
'This is a big f*cking deal!'"
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Over 100 billion cubic meters of natural gas
are
flared
or burned off annually (Cough) |
Something looked wrong out the window...
Black smoke above El Segundo...
Flames jetting high
From a torch in the sky...
A burn-off from our friends at ARCO.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With colorful admissions meant to be
denials,
former
Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY)
resigned
from the House after
male staffers
alleged
sexual harassment |
Tickle me into a tizzy!
Snorkle me until you're dizzy!
When you come up for air
You can tousle my hair!
I like when my congressman's busy.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Visitors can now carry concealed, loaded
firearms into national parks, thanks to a new
law
passed by Congress
as an amendment to
credit
card legislation |
I'm takin' my gun up to Yellowstone.
(Dem bison and me might not get along.)
...How long will it take
Till we fix this mistake?
A national park's where guns don't belong.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), top Republican on the
House
Budget Committee, wants to privatize
Social Security
and Medicare |
They want to end Social Security
Cuz they know what's better for you and me
(They'd let us get trounced
In private accounts
And wipe out that quaint little guarantee).
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
John McCain's daughter Meghan shown
opposing Prop. 8 which outlawed same-sex
marriage in California |
Wondering where all the mod'rates went?
Right now a few would be heaven-sent.
The party of Reagan
Could use more like Meghan--
John McCain's finest accomplishment.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act,
which
separated commercial and investment
banks after the
1929 crash, helped bring about
the 2008 crash |
Money's the root of all evil
(Since they repealed Glass-Steagall).
Now brokers are "bankers"
And these Wall Street wankers
Sell products that shouldn't be legal.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) (l.) blew a gasket
when Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Admiral
Mike Mullen (r.) and
Secretary of
Defense
Robert Gates testified in favor of
letting
gays
serve
openly in the military |
'Dja see where McCain got all sullen
And tore into Admiral Mullen
When he urged farewell
To "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?"
The "maverick" looked like the dull 'un.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
James O'Keefe III, shown with Hannah Giles
in their
ACORN get-up, was arrested at
Sen.
Mary
Landrieu's (D-LA) office with a group impersonating telephone repairmen, in a failed
attempt
to
record staff conversations |
When James played a pimp to Miss Giles,
They looked like Right Wingers Gone Wild.
But his latest scam
As a phone repair man
Went nowhere...guess clothes make the child.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After selling Britain a war it didn't need, former
Prime Minister Tony Blair now earns $1.2
million
as a consultant with luxury-goods
purveyor Louis Vuitton |
It's three years since Tony's been gone,
Undone by his Iraqi con.
And now Bush's poodle
Is making a boodle
Consulting for Louis Vuitton.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Chief Justice Roberts, shown flubbing Pres.
Obama's oath
of
office, led the Supreme
Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations can spend whatever they want on elections |
We voted for change with the POTUS--
Too bad we can't do that with SCOTUS.
We're stuck with John Roberts,
Scalia and Thomas
For life...and they're nuts, if you notice.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Democrats may want to lighten the load and
pass all the legislation they can with simple
majorities, as Pres. Bush
did with tax cuts |
Democrats 2010
Hey, run a bad race and you'll lose it
(Even in blue Massachusetts).
But now's not the time
To die on the vine.
You've got the majority--use it!
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Scott Brown (R-MA), Ted Kennedy's Senate replacement,
won Cosmopolitan's "America's
Sexiest Man" in 1982 |
From pinup to senator...Wow!
Great country we live in, and how.
The body looks grand
But under that hand
He's not hiding much, is he now?
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rush Limbaugh |
Unmoved by a subject so weighty,
Rush Limbaugh said, Don't give to Haiti.
Our troops there, he feels,
Are just "meals on wheels"
[All this from a prick who's 280].
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
RNC Chairman
Michael Steele compared
Sen.
Harry
Reid's
(D-NV) patronizing
remarks
about
then-Sen.
Obama, whom Reid backed,
to ex-Sen. Trent Lott's (R-MS) statement
that
the
country would have been
better off
if
segregationist
Strom Thurmond
had
won
the
White House
|
Watch out, Harry Reid, we will bury ya
With misleading racial hysteria!
Yes, ol' Michael Steele
Is keepin' it real
As Phoniest Man in America.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Rudy Guiliani (l.), Dana Perino and Mary
Matalin have all claimed recently that the U.S.
was not
attacked under
Pres. Bush (r.),
shown
after getting word of the 9-11 attack |
Hey Rudy, your head's up your tush:
"We
weren't attacked under Bush"?!
Recall 9-11
When hell fell from heaven
And he was like out smokin' kush?
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) |
The man with the grey bow-tie hair
Occasionally
does get a stare.
It's thin up the middle,
But with enough spittle
That silly thing wouldn't be there.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) apparently does
not
have God's ear in the healthcare debate
|
The country "should pray," and we quote,
"That somebody can't make the vote."
But Tom's lil' prayer fell flat--
All sixty Democrats
Voted, and no one got smote.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), who promised
voters he'd push
for universal healthcare
and expansion of Medicare to
age
55+,
blocked both in the Senate |
Obstructionist Joe from Connecticut
Says healthcare will drive up the deficit.
Then stop voting for
Perpetual war,
You hypocrite. That's where the money went.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though the majority of Americans support a
publicly run insurance plan option, the Senate
has
dropped it from the healthcare bill due to opposition from (clockwise from left) Senators
Lincoln (D-AR), Nelson (D-NE), Landrieu
(D-LA)
and Liebermann (I-CT). Senate Majority
Leader Harry
Reid
(D-NV, shown center) needs
60 votes to pass the bill |
Our healthcare reform hopes are sinkin'
With Landrieu and Nelson and Lincoln.
Their hard opposition
To real competition
Has lobbyists everywhere winkin'.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Uninvited White House guests the Salahis are
the most
famous gate crashers in history, after
the Trojan horse |
We'll just kind of push our way through.
You still have those e-mails with you?
Act like you belong.
They won't know what's wrong...
"The President! How do you do?"
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Our trustworthy Afghan partner Pres. Karzai
reviews American troops, sort of |
Let's send more troops to Afghanistan
And when they come home, send 'em back again.
As we dig in for
A Hundred Year War
Who's crazier...we or the Taliban?
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama, shown honoring soldiers killed
in Afghanistan, sent 30,000 more troops over
the objections of Karl Eikenberry, U.S.
Ambassador and former
commander there |
Ambassador Karl Eikenberry
Said 'Don't send more troops. It's too hairy.
The government's f*cked,
Karzai's too corrupt...'
So how many more must we bury?
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Switzerland's ban on new Islamic towers,
approved by
57% of voters, was called
discriminatory by the UN
human
rights chief |
Come ski the Swiss Alps, drink our beer!
Partake of the quaint atmosphere!
But we've been a-votin'
And one thing's verboten:
You can't put your minarets here.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Though 95% of working families got a tax cut
through Pres. Obama's stimulus package, the
Tea
Party went to war with him over taxes
|
The king is dead, buddy, believe it.
And maybe it's hard to conceive it,
But taxes are down
With this president, clown.
Reality: love it or leave it.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Noblesville IN hundreds of supporters
were left
standing in the rain after waiting
hours
to get their
books
signed by Sarah
Palin,
whose bus
drove off to
boos and
chants
of "Quittin' on the job!"
|
You left me out here in the rain--
Ms. Palin, do you feel my pain?
I bought your new book
But you never looked.
Signed, TOO HURT TO GO ROGUE AGAIN--
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
George W. Bush lowered the bar for
presidential visits to China |
Is nu-cle-ar so hard to say?
George Bush couldn't say it that way.
And though it behooved him,
He never improved and
Says nu-cu-lar still to this day.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Discussing where 9-11 plotter Khalid Sheikh Mohammed should be tried, Fox TV host Bill
O'Reilly told former judge
Andrew
Napolitano,
"I don't
care
about the
Constitution!...Don't be
a pinhead" |
Now show some respect and be smiley.
I'll cutcha off if you get wily.
Don't make like you're bright;
What I say is right!
--Advice For My Guests, Bill O'Reilly
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lou Dobbs still questions President Obama's
birth
certificate and American citizenship |
Lou, now that you've left CNN
And may run for Prez in the end,
Please show us in triplicate
Your birth certificate.
Prove you're an earthling, my friend.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
After squeaking by in the House, healthcare
reform
faces an even tougher fight in the
Senate |
The House passed reform...what the hell!
By two lousy votes...gee, that's swell.
Our Hope springs eternal--
Now may our infernal
House of Lords pass it as well.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) wants
Americans to
be "armed and dangerous"
against
the global warming
bill, and to go
to
Washington to "see the whites
of the
eyes" of their
Congressmen
to fight
healthcare reform
|
'We don't have to fight global warming
Or do any healthcare reforming.'
Oh please, doctor, clear
Her head from her rear
Where all these ideas keep on forming!
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Nothing the President does is right with
Liz Cheney or
her father, the former
Vice President |
To speak as a daughter is charming
(In some cases even disarming...)
But not when, like Pop,
You're bitching non-stop
And constantly being alarming.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he'll join
Republicans in blocking a vote on health care
reform |
So who ran for veep with Al Gore
But
loves John McCain even more?
Your hint: has a sad face
(Or two) and a big taste
For insurance profits and war.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
President Obama's outreach to the Muslim
world and contribution to a "new climate in
international politics"
were cited in his award
of the Nobel Peace Prize |
Where those on the right hear "apology,"
The rest of the world sees diplomacy.
When the noise gets too loud
From the fault-finding crowd,
Thank God there's the rest of the world to see.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
The White House delayed a meeting with the
Dalai Lama,
exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, to
gain favor with China,
the Washington Post
reported |
"Hello Dalai? This is Barack.
I'd love to meet with you, no crock.
But now's not the time--
See, China might mind
And cut off our funds...sorry, doc."
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
celebrated
when
Chicago lost its bid to host
the 2016 Olympics |
The U.S. won't host the Olympics,
And some people think that's terrific.
No jobs will arrive,
No boost to our pride--
And still they cheer...how patriotic.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New York's Empire State Building was lit in
red and
yellow to celebrate the 60th anni-
versary of the founding
of
the
People's
Republic of China |
The Empire State Building fellow
Explained why it's lit red and yellow:
"We made it look nifty--
Red China turned 60!"
(And we've turned into a bordello.)
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) |
'The GOP health plan is Don't get sick--
And if you do, pray you go nice 'n quick.'
As Congressman Grayson
Explained to the nation,
They've got no solutions, just rhetoric.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) yelled "You lie!"
when President Obama told a Joint Session
of
Congress that proposed
health care
reform
wouldn't
benefit illegal immigrants |
"You lie!" shouted Congressman Joe,
Disrupting the President's show.
"My words were spontaneous..."
[As well as spurious.
Check your facts next time, you schmo.]
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Some Republicans called President Obama's
back-to-
school address an attempt to
indoctrinate America's
schoollchildren
with his "socialist idelogy" |
A sure sign we're hitting the skids:
The Prez wants to talk to your kids
'Bout staying in school
But don't let him, fool--
Teach "Just Say No" when greatness bids.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
|
The biggest blowhards in the land
And little white sheep they command
Spent eight years in clover
While Bush f*cked us over.
Now they're blaming who? The black man.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Senators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John
McCain (R-AZ)
said they missed the late
Sen.
Ted Kennedy's leadership
on health
care,
even though both voted
against the
Kennedy
bill in committee |
Guys, if for reform you're not ready
Cuz Insurance Money's too steady,
For once in your life
Just vote for what's right?!
If not for us, do it for Teddy.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Despite getting $170,000 per game, former
slugger Manny Ramirez' lackluster perform-
ance
since
returning from suspension helped
doom the
Dodgers'
2009 pennant race |
Your
slow butt and dull bat are peerless.
You're cold as a ditch digger's rear is.
If Torre is smart,
He'll bench you, you fart.
Meet LVP Manny Ramirez.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Released terrorist Ali Megrahi (l.), convicted
for
bombing
Flight 103 over
Scotland, with
Col. Moammar Khadaffi's son upon
arrival in Libya |
Megrahi bombed Flight 103--
So why in the hell is he free?
The Scots cite his cancer
But some think the answer
Is Libya's deal with BP.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Armed protestor William Kostric outside
presidential town hall in Portsmouth NH |
A town hall is coming--how fun!
Hey, just for show I'll bring a gun.
(I may be a zero
But I'll be a hero
To every jerk under the sun.)
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Blue Dog Democrat" Sen. Max Baucus
(D-MT)
talks
health care with Sen.
Chuck Grassley (R-IA) |
When blue dogs lie down with red cats
They stink of unnatural acts.
The Change we believe in
Ends up in the trash bin
...Thanks to these Republicrats.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former House Speaker Tom DeLay (R-TX) left
TV's
Dancing with
the Stars with stress
fractures
in
both feet |
So Dancing w' the Stars got DeLay?
The old termite man? You don't say!
From shame and indictment
To fame and excitement...
God, make this big bug go away.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Eric Cantor
(R-VA)
and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) |
Bipartisanship's a delusion
With Boehner and crew in collusion.
It boggles the mind
Why Dems waste their time...
Wake up, donkeys! You're the solution!
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin riding a
pony. A closer look reveals "bitch tits" |
Women worldwide are salutin'
Bare-chested Vladimir Putin.
He's evil, of course,
But on a wee horse
He looks purty good, yer darn tootin'.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned
with 16
months left in his term to pursue
other opportunities |
Martinez and Palin and Lott
Won races, then quit on the spot.
They'll rake in the dough
Wherever they go
(And oh, for your vote thanks alot).
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) in his
Twitter
video discussing state's
budget crisis |
For Arnold it's been such a blast...
Running a state on bombast.
But when history's written
This camera-smitten
Guv'll be rated near last.
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA) |
It really is so hard to kindle
Any love for Bobby Jindal.
He pooh-poohed the stimulus,
Then took the check from us,
Signed his own name...what a swindle!
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) resigned with
18 months left in her term
|
The planets and stars were aligned
The day Sarah Palin resigned.
Of her own volition
The guvnor went fishin'
And left fishy guvnin' behind.
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Sen. John Ensign (R-NV)
|
John Ensign was seeing the Mrs.
Of his chief of staff (hold your hisses).
John's dad crossed her hand
With ninety-six grand:
"Now leave John alone...Hugs and kisses."
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) |
The old "Appalachian trail"
Turned out to be a tall tale.
With a Father's Day trip
To his Argentine chick,
Mark Sanford touched the third rail.
June, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA) |
Her chat with an Israeli spy
Was taped by our own FBI.
'Jane Harman's the name
And chutzpah's my game.
Reduce all your charges? I'll try.'
April, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) |
Blagojevich set a new low
For governors grubbing some dough.
He thought it'd be neat
To sell Barack's seat--
Now that's an impeachable ho!
December, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
The late Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) narrowly lost
re-election in 2008 after his federal corruption conviction, which was later overturned on the
grounds
of gross prosecutorial misconduct.
Stevens
died in
a plane crash August 9, 2010,
and was eulogized as
the
"patron of Alaska" |
Ted Stevens' A-frame got bigger
Thanks to an oilman...go figure.
With gifts underfoot,
Ted counted his loot
And brought home the earmarks with vigor.
November, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber, questions candidate Barack Obama in Ohio |
With back taxes owed since last summer
And no plumbing license (a bummer),
He claimed to be buying
His firm (he was lying).
Just wear your boots 'round Joe the Plumber.
October, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) |
The best looking guy in the race
Had nary a hair out of place.
But when it came out
That he was a lout,
The egg was all over his face.
August, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D-NY) |
As governor of New York State
Herr Spitzer ran off on his mate.
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
It's that he paid ten grand per date!
March, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) |
There once was a Larry named Craig
Whose self-hate was easy to peg.
He kept voting nay
On all matters gay
While for a good man he would beg.
August, 2007
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Bill Jefferson (D-LA) |
A Jefferson named "Dollar Bill"
Kept ninety grand where it could chill
And though he had burned 'em
The people returned him
To serve one more term on the Hill.
November, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) |
There once was a Foley named Mark
About whom we were in the dark
Until his outrageous
Emails to pages
Caused all the young dudes to narc.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R-WY) |
'Now fear this!' Dick Cheney would cry,
'There'll be mushroom clouds in the sky
With dubya-M-Ds
And anthrax disease...
If you don't vote for us, you'll die!'
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
James Inhofe (R-OK) |
Among other pitiful jokes
He called global warming a hoax.
Jim Inhofe's a loyal
Friend of Big Oil
And for them he'll toil till he croaks.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many Americans hated the French for
not joining the invasion of Iraq
|
Don't eat those potatoes au gratin!
It's Freedom Fries now, ya forgotten?
If it's French, send it back!
[For not whacking Iraq?
Just how dumb has this country gotten?!]
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Of the 1992 presidential candidates, only Ross
Perot opposed the North American Free Trade Agreement--predicting a "giant
sucking
sound"
of U.S. manufacturing
jobs
going south. Indeed,
the U.S.
would lose over 1 million jobs
to
NAFTA
(1993-2004), and 2.4 million more to
China's entry into the
World
Trade
Organization
(2001-2009)-- Economic
Policy Institute |
When they shoved free trade up our ass
The jobs started goin' away fast
And both parties tried
To promise blue sky
But skies have remained overcast.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
News Limericks and Political Limericks
Poetry for the 99%
|
News Limericks, Political Limericks 
