Scared to eat? |
With bad eggs infecting the nation
And oil on your favorite crustacean,
You're so hungry now
You could eat a mad cow.
Enjoying that deregulation?
Top |
Ken Mehlman has just come out as gay,
but his Republican leadership positions
came
during
the party's
most
anti-gay
period,
as anti-gay
marriage
measures
were
placed on
state ballots
across the
country to
drum up Republican votes |
Imagine it's gotta be hell, man
Waking up next to Ken Mehlman
Screwed by the one
Who screwed everyone
As closeted GOP chairman.
Top |
When NJ lost out on a $400 million federal education grant by providing the wrong
year's
data on its
application, Gov. Christie
(R-NJ)
blamed
Pres. Obama and the length of
the
application before firing his education
commissioner who'd made the error |
New Jersey blew four hundred mill
In grants from the federal till
By screwing the app up
And blaming the f*ck-up
On Washington, just for the drill.
Top |
Federal investigators are focusing on Houston-
based BP
supervisor
John Guide and drilling
engineers Mark Hafle and Brian Morel for
ordering less
safety devices than recommended
on the Deepwater Horizon well. Hafle
and
Morel refused to testify, taking the fifth |
The guys who designed BP's well
Like Hafle and Guide and Morel
Knew less centralizers
And safety devices
Would cut the time drilling to hell.
Top |
Pres. Obama is a Christian who prays daily, the White House said to address growing doubts. Opponents portray Obama as a dangerous
outsider, though he's American born,
goes to
church, and won by nearly nine million votes
|
A Pew poll of public opinion
Asked, "What is Obama's religion?"
Nearly half had no clue
If he's Christian or Jew;
18% put it as Islam.
When Time Magazine asked the same,
The last number had a big gain.
Now one in four said
He's Muslim. (That's bad.
America, where is our brain?)
Top
|
A mosque is planned four blocks from the new World Trade Center at NY's Ground Zero |
Put the mosque in the Trade Center
And welcome the faithful who enter.
(The day no one's there,
Run for the stairs
And don't be the first to re-enter.)
Top |
A former college classmate told GQ that fellow swim team members Rand
Paul and a
friend,
who'd been smoking pot, blindfolded
and
kid-
napped her in college
and
tried to
force her
to
take bong hits. When she
refused, they
made
her kneel in a creek and "worship their
God,
Aqua
Buddha"
|
He kidnapped a coed at Baylor
(But just to get stoned, not to nail her).
Rand's caper went wrong
When he showed her his bong--
Alas she was not an inhaler.
Top
|
By doing big energy deals with Tehran, Russia, China, Turkey and India are flouting the West's
new sanctions intended to halt Iran's nuclear program
|
Iranian sanctions won't work:
The Russians and Chinese and Turks
Are all overjoyed
To be filling the void,
And don't care if we think they're jerks.
Top |
If all the bills passed by the House under Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) were passed by the Senate and signed by Pres. Obama, we'd have the change we were looking for |
You'd think that this mother of five's
The worst human being alive!
Rightwingers condemn her
But come this November
Watch Nancy Pelosi survive.
Top |
Pres. Obama with Pakistani Pres. Zardari.
Wiki-Leaked documents show that Pakistan,
which has received
$18 billion in U.S.
aid since
9/11, is
helping
the Taliban in Afghanistan |
Now guess who's been helping the Taliban:
None other than our friends in Pakistan!
(Though powerfully paid
In American aid,
Some live just to hurt an American.)
Top |
Republican Senators blocked extension of
jobless benefits
to 1.7 million
Americans
until Democrats broke their filibuster
|
The job bill's dead. They filibustered it
"Because it would increase the deficit."
No money for jobs
But for war they've got gobs.
Republican wisdom is infinite.
Top |
When Larry King tried to shake hands with
murder defendant O.J. Simpson in court, an
officer
had to tell him three times to stop.
"Rebuffed, King gave Simpson a hang-in-there
gesture," wrote Dominick Dunne, who said
King later confided that Simpson told
him,
"Thank you for being so supportive."
(Vanity
Fair,
April 1995) |
When someone screws up in a big way,
Forgive and forget--that's what we say.
(Like, wasn't it tender
How Mr. Suspenders
Stayed best friends forever with
O. J.?)
Top |
"Make us whole"
|
People were lined 'round the block
This morning at seven o'clock.
"What's going on?" I say.
"New iPhone's out today!"
iShoulda bought Apple stock.
Top |
The Rolling Stone article that felled Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal cites the poor record of couinterinsurgencies:
the
French in Algeria, Americans in Vietnam, Soviets in Afghanistan... |
While Stanley McChrystal is gone,
The Afghan quagmire lives on.
Do we ignore history?
Counterinsurgencies
Seldom if ever are won.
Top |
The UN reports that in our ninth year in Afghanistan, insurgent violence is up sharply. Support our troops--
Bring them home! |
If foreign troops marched down our streets
We'd plant roadside bombs till they leave.
And if their bombs rained
From pilotless planes
We'd all be insurgents indeed.
Top |
Slap the next guy who says "Back in the day"...
pass it on |
"Back in the day, [blah blah blah, blah blah blah]."
"At the end of the day, [blah blah blah]."
"Hey, it's all good," they say.
Can't take one more cliché?
Close your ears and go, "La la la la..."
Top
|
Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) apologized to CEO
Tony Hayward
for the White House's
"shakedown"
of BP for a $20 billion "slush fund" |
REPUBLICAN OFFERS APOLOGY
And tells CEO it's a "tragedy"
That BP must pay
For its little mistake
--Just what you'd expect from the GOP.
Top |
Many Brits are angry at BP's suspension of dividends to pay for its mess in the gulf |
Quite loath to be dividend-free,
Some Brits are defending BP.
(Paying for the gusher
Means pensions will suffer
And money trumps morals, you see.)
Top |
Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own
money to
win the GOP nomination for
governor of California |
Republicans get an erection
Whenever they buy an election.
With Meg, better yet--
She writes her own checks!
We're screwed, and they won't use protection.
Top |
"Drill, baby, drill" is eerily similar to "Burn, baby, burn"
from the
60's race riots, in its flouting
of consequences |
To every last fish in the killing sea
And turtle and oyster and manatee
And seabird and whale
And all else we failed
We're sorry for our damned stupidity.
Top |
Many Israelis recognize that only outside pressure will push their country away from apartheid and toward a two-state solution with the Palestinians |
When sanctioned by governments worldwide,
South Africa ended apartheid.
Now in the Mideast
Will there ever be peace
Till Israel loses its dark side?
Top |
From live video feed of the oil gushing into the
Gulf of Mexico |
Rand Paul says Obama should get
His boot offa poor BP's neck
Cuz "that's un-American...
Accidents happen..."
Can we cap the well with this dreck?
Top |
Rand Paul (R-KY) said the Civil Rights and Fair Housing
Acts encroach on a business's right to discriminate |
To Tea Bagger Rand of Kentucky
The Civil Rights Act is horsepucky.
'You should have the right
Not to serve a non-white...'
Just me, or does this tea taste yucky?
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
said he
served in Vietnam but never did |
While on a big whopper they're chokin'
And leaving supporters heartbroken,
Pols never say "I
Am sorry I lied..."
It's always, "I may have misspoken."
Top |
17 senior SEC officers spent the
meltdown
downloading pornography,
according to a
government report |
Amid the financial catastrophe
Guess what they were doin' at the SEC!
Were they bustin' jerkoffs
Like Goldman or Madoff?
Nah...too busy watchin' pornography.
Top |
Those demanding "less government" should
ask
just
how much less we can stand |
Toyota put growth over safety
And so did their soulmates at BP
While NHTSA and MMS
Did their jobs less and less,
Failing so badly it's creepy.
Top |
When fat cats give assurances, cover your ears
and go "La la la la la" |
The Titanic, they said, was unsinkable
Another big oil spill unthinkable
The '29 crash?
That was "all in the past"...
The worst part? We're still so hoodwinkable.
Top |
Anti-gay activist George Rekers quit NARTH,
his "cure the homosexuals" group, after going
to Europe with a male prostitute |
I hired him to carry my bags!
You know I'm not one of those fags!
I taught him the gospel!
[He gave you an assfull,
And your reputation's in rags.]
Top |
Halliburton followed BP's cement design, which was thin
and didn't allow for proper testing,
according to experts |
They're ripping us off in two wars
And spilling oil onto our shores.
If you look for dirt on
BP/Halliburton
You'll find it all over these whores.
Top |
The oil slick from a BP rig that exploded,
killing 11
workers, is headed for land as
200,000 gallons a day
leak
into the Gulf of
Mexico |
The gulf has an oil slick so dire
They're setting the whole thing on fire.
If anyone still
Insists we can drill
Safely offshore, he's a liar.
Top |
Just in the month prior to the
explosion that
killed 29 coal miners, Massey Energy
was
cited
for 57 violations at Big Branch that included
repeatedly failing to develop a ventilation plan |
Inside the mountain they crawl
So we'll have a light on the wall.
Day after day,
Sent into harm's way
Like soldiers, they die for us all.
Top |
Republicans in the Senate have become "lawbortionists,"
killing even bills that they
once supported just to thwart
majority rule
|
Democracy loses its luster
When stick-in-the-muds filibuster.
A Senate bill dies
With 59 Ayes
If 41 Nays they can muster.
Top |
300 bills passed by the House have died in the Senate, due
to unprecedented Republican
filibusters |
(As killing oneself is called suicide
And killing another is homicide)
When Senators kill
Every bill on the Hill,
The word for their crime is democracide.
Top |
Big Business masterfully confused Americans
over
healthcare reform, convincing many that it
was a handout
to
others that wouldn't benefit themselves |
"Less government!" Tea Baggers sing,
Delighting those pulling their strings
(Fat cats who'll relax when
They're paying no tax and
We deregulate everything).
Top |
 
MSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning
to run against him |
Two months past a win that was stunning
Scott Brown shows Republican cunning.
He's raising big dough
To stave off his 'next foe'
(A woman who's not even running).
Top |
When President Obama signed healthcare
reform
into
law, Vice President Biden
couldn't
contain his enthusiasm
and
dropped
an F-bomb by an open mic |
When health reform passed, how'd you feel?
Like, pinch me--this cannot be real!
Psst...I felt that way
When I heard Biden say,
"This is a big f*cking deal!"
Top |
Over 100 billion cubic meters of natural gas
are
flared
or burned off annually (Cough) |
Something looked wrong out the window
Black smoke above El Segundo
Flames jetting high
From a torch in the sky
--A burn-off from our friends at ARCO.
Top |
With colorful admissions meant to be
denials,
former
Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY)
resigned
from the House after
male staffers
alleged
sexual harassment |
Tickle me into a tizzy
Snorkle me until you're dizzy
When you come up for air
You can tousle my hair...
I like when my congressman's busy.
Top |
Visitors can now carry concealed, loaded
firearms into national parks, thanks to a new
law
passed by Congress
as an amendment to
credit
card legislation |
I'm takin' my gun up to Yellowstone
(Dem bison and me might not get along)
...How long will it take
Till we fix this mistake?
A national park's where guns don't belong.
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), top Republican on the House
Budget Committee, wants to privatize
Social Security
and Medicare |
They want to end Social Security
Cuz they know what's better for you and me
(They'd let us get trounced
In private accounts
And wipe out that quaint little guarantee).
Top |
John McCain's daughter Meghan shown
opposing Prop. 8 which outlawed same-sex
marriage in California |
Wondering where all the mod'rates went?
Right now a few would be heaven-sent.
The party of Reagan
Could use more like Meghan--
John McCain's finest accomplishment.
Top |
The 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act,
which
separated commercial and investment
banks after the
1929 crash, helped bring about
the 2008 crash |
Money's the root of all evil
(Since they repealed Glass-Steagall).
Now brokers are "bankers"
And these Wall Street wankers
Sell products that shouldn't be legal.
Top |
 
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) (l.) blew a gasket
when Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Admiral
Mike Mullen (r.) and
Secretary of
Defense
Robert Gates testified in favor of
letting
gays
serve
openly in the military |
Unasked for his views, he got sullen
And tore into Gates and Mike Mullen
When they urged farewell
To "don't ask, don't tell"
The "maverick" looked like the dull 'un.
Top |
James O'Keefe III, shown with Hannah Giles
in their
ACORN get-up, was arrested after an
incident at
Sen. Mary
Landrieu's (D-LA) office |
When James played a pimp to Miss Giles,
They looked like Right Wingers Gone Wild.
But his latest scam
As a phone repair man
Went nowhere...guess clothes make the child.
Top |
After selling Britain a war it didn't need, former
Prime Minister Tony Blair now earns $1.2
million
as a consultant with luxury-goods
purveyor Louis Vuitton |
It's three years since Tony's been gone,
Undone by his Iraqi con.
And now Bush's poodle
Is making a boodle
Consulting for Louis Vuitton.
Top |
Chief Justice Roberts, shown flubbing Pres. Obama's oath
of
office, led the Supreme
Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations can spend whatever they want on elections |
We voted for change with the POTUS--
Too bad we can't do that with SCOTUS.
We're stuck with John Roberts,
Scalia and Thomas
For life...and they're nuts, if you notice.
Top |
Democrats may want to lighten the load and
pass legislation with simple majorities, as Pres. Bush
did with tax cuts |
Hey, run a bad race and you'll lose it
(Even in blue Massachusetts)
But now's not the time
To die on the vine--
You've got the majority...Use it!
Top |
Scott Brown (R-MA), Ted Kennedy's Senate replacement,
won Cosmopolitan's "America's
Sexiest Man" in 1982 |
From pinup to senator...Wow!
Great country we live in, and how.
The body looks grand
But under that hand
He's not hiding much, is he now?
Top |
Rush Limbaugh |
Unmoved by a subject so weighty,
Rush Limbaugh said, Don't give to Haiti.
Our troops there, he feels,
Are just "meals on wheels"...
(All this from a prick who's 280).
Top |
RNC Chairman Michael Steele compared
Harry
Reid's
patronizing
remarks about
then-Sen. Obama to Trent Lott's statement
that
the
country would have been
better
off
if segregationist
Strom Thurmond
had
won
the
White House
|
Watch out, Harry Reid, we will bury ya
With misleading racial hysteria!
Yes, ol' Michael Steele
Is keepin' it real
As the Phoniest Man in America.
Top |
 
Rudy Guiliani, Dana Perino and Mary
Matalin have all claimed recently that the U.S.
was not
attacked under
President Bush |
Hey Rudy, your head's up your tush:
"We
weren't attacked under Bush"?!
Recall 9-11
When hell fell from heaven
And he was like out smokin' kush?
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) |
The man with the grey bow-tie hair
Occasionally
does get a stare.
It's thin up the middle
But with enough spittle
That silly thing wouldn't be there.
Top
|
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) apparently does
not
have
God's ear in the healthcare debate
|
The country "should pray," and we quote,
"That somebody can't make the vote."
But Tom's lil' prayer fell flat--
All sixty Democrats
Voted, and no one got smote.
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), who promised
voters he'd push
for universal healthcare
and expansion of Medicare to
age
55+,
blocked both in the Senate |
Obstructionist Joe from Connecticut
Says healthcare will drive up the deficit.
Then stop voting for
Perpetual war,
You hypocrite. That's where the money went.
Top
|
Though the majority of Americans support a publicly run insurance plan option, the Senate
has
dropped it from the healthcare bill due to opposition from (clockwise from left) Senators Lincoln (D-AR), Nelson (D-NE), Landrieu
(D-LA)
and Liebermann (I-CT). Senate Majority
Leader Harry
Reid
(D-NV, shown center) needs
60 votes to pass the bill |
Our healthcare reform hopes are sinkin'
With Landrieu and Nelson and Lincoln.
Their hard opposition
To real competition
Has lobbyists everywhere winkin'.
Top |
Uninvited White House guests the Salahis are
the most
famous gate crashers in history, after
the Trojan horse |
We'll just kind of push our way through
You still have those emails with you?
Act like we belong
They won't know what's wrong...
"Oh President! How do you do?"
Top |
Our trustworthy Afghan partner Pres. Karzai reviews American troops, sort of |
Let's send more troops to Afghanistan
And when they come home, send 'em back again.
As we dig in for
A Hundred Year War
Who's crazier...we or the Taliban?
Top
|
Pres. Obama, shown honoring soldiers killed
in Afghanistan, sent 30,000 more troops over
the objections
of Karl Eikenberry, U.S.
Ambassador and former
commander there |
Ambassador Karl Eikenberry
Said 'Don't send more troops. It's too hairy.
The government's f*cked,
Karzai's too corrupt...'
So how many more must we bury?
Top |
Switzerland's ban on new Islamic towers,
approved by
57% of voters, was called
discriminatory by the UN
human
rights chief |
Come ski the Swiss Alps, drink our beer
Partake of the quaint atmosphere
But we been a-votin'
And one thing's verboten:
You can't put your minarets here.
Top |
Giving hardliners a taste of their own rhetoric |
King George is dead, Tea Bag--believe it--
And so's his tax, though you perceive it.
This President won
By 9 million, son.
America: Love it or Leave it.
-Top
|
In Noblesville IN hundreds of supporters
were left
standing in the rain after waiting
hours
to get their
books
signed by Sarah
Palin,
whose bus
drove off to
boos and
chants
of "Quittin' on the job!"
|
You left me out here in the rain--
Ms. Palin, do you feel my pain?
I bought your new book
But you never looked.
Signed, TOO HURT TO GO ROGUE AGAIN--
Top |
George W. Bush lowered the bar for
presidential visits to China |
Is nu-cle-ar so hard to say?
George Bush couldn't say it that way
And though it behooved him
He never improved and
Says nu-cu-lar still to this day.
Top |
Fox TV host Bill O'Reilly told Homeland
Security
Secretary
Janet Napolitano "I don't
care
about the
Constitution!" and called
her a
pinhead when
she said "I do" |
Now show some respect and be smiley
(I'll cutcha off if you get wily)
Don't make like you're bright;
What I say is right!
--Advice For My Guests, Bill O'Reilly
Top
|
Lou Dobbs still questions President Obama's
birth
certificate and American citizenship |
Lou, now that you've left CNN
And may run for Prez in the end
Please show us in triplicate
Your birth certificate--
Prove you're an earthling, my friend.
Top |
After squeaking by in the House, healthcare
reform
faces an even tougher fight in the
Senate |
The House passed reform...what the hell!
By two lousy votes...gee that's swell.
Our Hope springs eternal--
Now may our infernal
House of Lords pass it as well.
Top |
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) wants
Americans to
be "armed and dangerous"
against the global warming
bill, and to go
to
Washington to "see the whites
of the
eyes" of their
Congressmen
to fight
healthcare reform |
'We don't have to fight global warming
Or do any healthcare reforming.'
Oh please, doctor, clear
Her head from her rear
Where all these ideas keep on forming.
Top |
Nothing the President does is right with
Liz Cheney or
her father, the former
Vice President |
To speak as a daughter is charming
In some cases even disarming
But not when, like Pop,
You're bitching non-stop
And constantly being alarming.
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he'll join Republicans in blocking a vote on health care
reform |
So who ran for veep with Al Gore
But
loves John McCain even more?
Your hint: has a sad face
(Or two) and a big taste
For insurance profits and war.
Top |
President Obama's outreach to the Muslim
world and contribution to a "new climate in
international politics"
were cited in his award
of the Nobel Peace Prize |
Where those on the right hear "apology"
The rest of the world sees diplomacy.
When the noise gets too loud
From the fault-finding crowd
Thank God there's the rest of the world to see.
Top |
The White House delayed a meeting with the
Dalai Lama,
exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, to
gain favor with China,
the Washington Post
reported |
"Hello Dalai? This is Barack.
I'd love to meet with you, no crock.
But now's not the time--
See, China might mind
And cut off our funds...sorry, doc."
Top |
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
celebrated
when
Chicago lost its bid to host
the 2016 Olympics |
The U.S. won't host the Olympics
And some people think that's terrific.
No jobs will arrive,
No boost to our pride--
And still they cheer...how patriotic.
Top |
New York's Empire State Building was lit in
red and
yellow to celebrate the 60th anni-
versary of the founding
of
the
People's
Republic of China |
The Empire State Building fellow
Explained why it's lit red and yellow:
"We made it look nifty--
Red China turned 60!"
(And we've turned into a bordello.)
Top |
Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) |
'The GOP health plan is Don't get sick--
And if you do, pray you go nice 'n quick.'
As Congressman Grayson
Explained to the nation,
They've got no solutions, just rhetoric.
Top |
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) yelled "You lie!"
when President Obama told a Joint Session
of
Congress that proposed
health care
reform
wouldn't
benefit illegal immigrants |
"You lie!" shouted Congressman Joe,
Disrupting the President's show.
"My words were spontaneous..."
[As well as spurious.
Check your facts next time, you schmo.]
Top |
Some Republicans called President Obama's
back-to-
school address an attempt to
indoctrinate America's
schoollchildren
with his "socialist idelogy" |
A sure sign we're hitting the skids:
The Prez wants to talk to your kids
'Bout staying in school
But don't let him, fool--
Teach "Just Say No" when greatness bids.
Top |
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
|
The biggest blowhards in the land
And little white sheep they command
Spent eight years in clover
While Bush screwed us over.
Now they're blaming who? The black man.
Top |
Senators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John
McCain (R-AZ)
said they missed the late
Sen.
Ted Kennedy's leadership
on health
care,
even though both voted
against the
Kennedy
bill in committee |
Guys, if for reform you're not ready
Cuz Insurance Money's too steady
For once in your life
Just vote for what's right?!
If not for us, do it for Teddy.
Top |
Despite getting $170,000 per game, former
slugger Manny Ramirez' lackluster perform-
ance
since
returning from suspension helped
doom the
Dodgers'
2009 pennant race |
Your
slow butt and dull bat are peerless;
You're cold as a ditch digger's rear is.
If Torre is smart
He'll bench you, you fart.
Meet LVP Manny Ramirez.
Top
|
Abdel Basset Ali Megrahi (l.), convicted for bombing
Flight 103 over Scotland, with
Ghadafi's son upon
arrival in Libya |
Megrahi bombed Flight 103--
So why in the hell is he free?
The Scots cite his cancer
But some think the answer
Is Libya's deal with BP.
Top |
Armed protestor William Kostric outside
presidential town hall in Portsmouth NH |
A town hall is coming--how fun!
Hey, just for show I'll bring a gun.
(I may be a zero
But I'll be a hero
To every jerk under the sun.)
Top |
"Blue Dog Democrat" Sen. Max Baucus
(D-MT) talks
health care with Sen.
Chuck Grassley (R-IA) |
When blue dogs lie down with red cats
They stink of unnatural acts.
The Change we believe in
Ends up in the trash bin
...Thanks to these Republicrats.
Top |
Former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) left TV's
Dancing with
the Stars with stress
fractures in both feet |
So Dancing w' the Stars got DeLay?
The old termite man? You don't say!
From shame and indictment
To fame and excitement...
God, make this big bug go away.
Top |
Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Eric Cantor
(R-VA)
and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) |
Bipartisanship's a delusion
With Boehner and crew in collusion.
It boggles the mind
Why Dems waste their time...
Wake up, donkeys! You're the solution!
Top |
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin riding a pony. A closer look reveals "bitch tits" |
Women worldwide are salutin'
Bare-chested Vladimir Putin.
He's evil, of course
But on a wee horse
He looks purty good, yer darn tootin'.
Top |
Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned
with 16
months left in his term |
Martinez and Palin and Lott
Won races, then quit on the spot.
They'll rake in the dough
Wherever they go
(And oh, for your vote thanks alot).
Top |
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) in his
Twitter
video discussing state's
budget crisis |
For Arnold it's been such a blast...
Running a state on bombast.
But when history's written
This camera-smitten
Guv'll be rated near last.
Top |
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA) |
It really is so hard to kindle
Any love for Bobby Jindal.
He pooh-poohed the stimulus,
Then took the check from us,
Signed his own name...what a swindle!
Top |
Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) resigned with
18 months left in her term
|
The planets and stars were aligned
The day Sarah Palin resigned.
Of her own volition
The guvnor went fishin'
And left fishy guvnin' behind.
Top |
Sen. John Ensign (R-NV)
|
John Ensign was seeing the Mrs.
Of his chief of staff (hold your hisses).
John's dad crossed her hand
With ninety-six grand:
"Now leave John alone...Hugs and kisses."
Top
|
Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) |
The old "Appalachian trail"
Turned out to be a tall tale.
With a Father's Day trip
To his Argentine chick
Mark Sanford touched the third rail.
Top |
Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA) |
Her chat with an Israeli spy
Was taped by our own FBI.
'Jane Harman's the name
And chutzpah's my game.
Reduce all your charges? I'll try.'
Top
|
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) |
Blagojevich set a new low
For governors grubbing some dough.
He thought it'd be neat
To sell Barack's seat--
Now that's an impeachable ho!
Top |
The late Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) |
Ted Stevens' A-frame got bigger
Thanks to an oilman...go figure.
With gifts underfoot
Ted counted his loot
And brought home the earmarks with vigor.
Top |
Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber, questions candidate Obama in Ohio |
With back taxes owed since last summer
And no plumbing license (a bummer)
He claimed to be buying
His firm (he was lying)...
Just wear your boots 'round Joe the Plumber.
Top
|
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) |
The best looking guy in the race
Had nary a hair out of place
But when it came out
That he was a lout
The egg was all over his face.
Top |
Former Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D-NY) |
As governor of New York State
Herr Spitzer ran off on his mate.
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
It's that he paid ten grand per date!
Top
|
Former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) |
There once was a Larry named Craig
Whose self-hate was easy to peg.
He kept voting nay
On all matters gay
While for a good man he would beg.
Top
|
Former Rep. Bill Jefferson (D-LA) |
A Jefferson named "Dollar Bill"
Kept ninety grand where it could chill
And though he had burned 'em
The people returned him
To serve one more term on the Hill.
Top
|
Former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) |
There once was a Foley named Mark
About whom we were in the dark
Until his outrageous
Emails to pages
Caused all the young dudes to narc.
Top |
Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) |
Among other pitiful jokes
He called global warming a hoax.
Jim Inhofe's a loyal
Friend of Big Oil
And for them he'll toil till he croaks.
Top |
Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R-WY) |
'Now fear this!' Dick Cheney would cry,
'There'll be mushroom clouds in the sky
With dubya-M-Ds
And anthrax disease...
If you don't vote for us, you'll die!'
Top
|
7 years and 4 months passed between two presidents' declarations that major combat operations had ended in Iraq: Bush (May
1,
2003) and Obama (August 31,
2010) |
Iraqis have suffered too long!
It's time to go take out Saddam.
They'll greet us with flowers,
We'll win it in hours
And hurry home. What could go wrong?
Top
|
When candidates Gov. Clinton (D-AR) and Pres. Bush (R-TX) both supported NAFTA in 1992,
3d
party candidate Perot predicted a "giant
sucking sound"
of U.S. manufacturing
jobs
going south to Mexico |
When they shoved free trade up our ass
The jobs started goin' away fast
And both parties tried
To promise blue sky
But skies have remained overcast.
--------------------
Top
Limericks by
Robert C. Keating
© 2010 MostCorrupt.com |
