The Apprentice host Donald Trump endorsed ex-Bain Capital CEO Mitt Romney for president. Many whose lives have been touched by either
man have heard
the same thing: "You're fired" |
Well, how about that--Trump's endorsing Mitt!
It kinda makes sense though now, doesn't it?
Since Romney's his equal
At firing people
And getting paid millions for doin' it...
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If Pres. Obama is a "Saul Alinsky radical" as Newt Gingrich claims, he has plenty of company: the Chicago community organizer's Rules for Radicals has been adopted
by political activists on the left and right, including members of the tea party and James O'Keefe, who studied it pre-ACORN sting |
What in tarnation does Newt see
In tyin' the prez to Alinsky?
Obama was ten
When the guy cashed it in;
It's not like they're Lenin and Trotsky.
February, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Rep. Randy "Duke"
Cunningham (R-CA), serving eight years in prison for taking
$2.4
million in
bribes, wrote to Newt Gingrich, "I
have
80% of
inmates that would vote for you"
|
The insiders don't want him nominated,
But outside the beltway, Newt celebrated
Endorsements that came
From Palin and Cain
And Duke Cunningham, who's incarcerated.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As House Speaker, Newt Gingrich led the charge
to impeach Pres. Clinton for perjury in covering
up
an affair with an intern, as he too was having
an affair with an intern, his current wife Callista
|
She looks like she kissed Warren Beatty
Or just won a date with Tom Brady
But it's even better--
This little go-getter
Is thinkin' she'll be the First Lady.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jon Huntsman (l.) called Mitt Romney a "well-lubricated weather vane" who's "been on three
sides of every major issue," then dropped out
of
the GOP presidential race and endorsed him |
When Huntsman decided to quit,
His ringing endorsement of Mitt--
On top of the scorn
That he'd heaped all along--
Was phony as phony could get
(And naturally, didn't do sh*t).
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two days after Marianne Gingrich told ABC
News he'd asked her for an open marriage
before their divorce, former House Speaker Newt
Gingrich (R-GA) won the South Carolina GOP primary
by a wide margin over Mitt Romney |
Newt's second ex-wife is revealing
One heck of a flawed human being.
But voters don't mind;
A lot of 'em find
A dickhead immensely appealing.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rick Perry (shown), Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann & Herman Cain all suspended
their
campaigns, to keep raising money postmortem |
You're done but you don't wanna end it;
Then people with money won't send it.
Pretend your campaign's
Gonna come back again--
The best word to use is
"suspend" it.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) |
The choice that regrettably wasn't--
He starts to make sense, then he doesn't
(He'd like to repeal
The entire New Deal,
When common sense tells ya we mustn't).
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though Mitt Romney blames Pres. Obama for
the current job shortage, Massachusetts ranked
47th in jobs growth while he
was
governor (Jan.
2003-Jan. 2007, U.S. Labor Dept.).
Romney
did
not seek a second term
| Mitt says he will fix the economy
And while that is something we'd like to see,
His record as guv
At creating new jobs
Was kind of disastrous, actually.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Msgr. Kevin McAuliffe was sentenced to three years in prison for stealing $650,000 from his
Las Vegas-area parish over ten years to gamble |
Another Priest Collared
This wasn't child endangerment--
Only a little embezzlement.
A priest in our time
With a celibate crime--
What a refreshing development!
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
|
The cell phone has done for fidelity
What ATMs did for frugality.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) mistakenly endorsed Pres. Obama at a Mitt Romney rally in S. Carolina |
The geezer's still good for some drama:
McCain said to vote for Obama
When Mitt had to tell him
'It's ME that you're sellin'!'
Who booked me in THIS blunderama?!
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
It's hard to imagine how strong we'd be
If we could just take all the energy
We spend buttin' heads
And spend it instead
On beatin' the pants off the enemy.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney's remark that "I like being able
to
fire people" is his biggest gift to Democrats
since
his "Corporations are people, my friend" |
'I like being able to fire folks.'
(If voters are listenin', this guy is toast.)
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
What could go wrong, Jon Huntsman?
The former Utah governor on a coffee
shop
counter in NH, where he finished third
in
the
GOP
presidential primary and soon dropped out |
"The candidate's standing on glass!"
"Who cares that he might break his ass?
If he should fall through,
It's the harm he could do
To those pastries--they're really world class."
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Good dog |
Some dog owners may find this critical,
But life in the city gets pitiful
With all of the barking
And excrement-hopping;
It's folks without dogs make it liveable.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The persistent ex-Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) squeaked out a win in the Iowa presidential cau-
cus after polling near the bottom for the past year |
You'd think it would dawn on Santorum
How easy it's been to ignore him
Perpetually dressed
In an old sweater vest,
As if he was tryin' to bore 'em.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justice Clarence Thomas failed to report his wife's income on Supreme Court financial disclosure
forms as she made $686,589 from the rightwing
Heritage Foundation between 2003 and 2007.
He
will soon rule on the new healthcare law, which
the
Heritage Foundation & Mrs. Thomas oppose |
No wonder we're all doubting Thomas:
His filings were f*cking dishonest!
He kept checking "none"
For spousal income--
As she made a killing, we promise.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Oh no, not another rehash
Of Why The Economy Crashed,
By someone who didn't
Remotely predict it
But had to come up with some cash.
January, 2012
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
To pay for the two-month payroll tax cut, mort-
gages sold to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for
the next ten years will include a fee that raises
the borrowing cost for a 30-year, $200,000 loan
by $4,000, or $11 a month, at today's rates |
Your congressman may not have mentioned
You'll pay for your tax cut extension
As part of the loan
When you get your next home
(He hopes you're not paying attention).
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Republicans agreed to extend a payroll
tax
cut benefiting 160 million workers, for two months |
After a terrible run,
A showdown the Democrats won?!
A measly eight weeks
Of more payroll relief
But a small win is better than none.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Newt Gingrich said as president he'd ignore
Supreme Court decisions he opposed, and would
press for impeaching judges or even abolishing certain
courts if he disagreed with their rulings |
When I'm your Commander in Chief,
The courts won't intimidate me.
If I think they're wrong,
I just won't go along
With their stupid elitist decree.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The American Civil Liberties Union is calling on Pres. Obama to veto the National Defense Auth-
orization
Act, which allows a
president to detain
U.S. citizens
indefinitely without charge or trial |
'Fya don't like the ACLU,
Do you understand what they do?
They stand up and fight
For Americans' rights--
Conceivably, someone like you.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
They'll feel our pain: Mitt Romney tried to wager $10,000 in a Republican debate; rival
Newt Gingrich disclosed having
Tiffany credit lines of $1.5 million |
I can't believe Newt Gingrich slammed
Mitt Romney for betting ten grand,
When he himself owed
Fifty times that or so
On a super size Tiffany plan.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
|
"At the end of the day..."
"Boots on the ground..."
"Kickin' the can down the road..."
With the endless clichés
Goin' around,
My f*ckin' head could explode.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An RQ-170 Sentinel, the most advanced drone in
the U.S. arsenal, crash-landed in Iran with sophis-
ticated technology that could be exploited by that
country and its allies China and Russia |
Iran got its hands on our drone.
How long till they're making a clone
And flying around
Without making a sound,
And killing and maiming from home?
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Herman Cain's (l.) 999 tax plan surely
dies with his candidacy, but all the GOP candidates favor
regres-
sive changes
to the tax code.
Newt Gingrich (r.)
wants to end capital gains and estate taxes, and
cut corporate income taxes from 35% to 12.5% |
With Cain out, it looks like they won't install
A 9% sales tax after all.
But when will these farts
Think of anything smart,
Like taxing the folks with the wherewithal?
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The weakness of the field challenging Pres. Obama was evident in the latest WMUR Granite State NH poll, in which only 16% of likely Republican vot-
ers said they were firmly committed to a candidate |
The choices are so f*ckin' sad,
Obama's not lookin' so bad.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Just as the Tea Party moved Republicans to the right, a non-violent Occupy movement can push Democrats in the other direction--to fight harder
for the 99% of Americans who
are poorly served
by "free trade" economics & pay-to-play politics |
They picked up our tents for collection
And pepper-sprayed our "insurrection."
But we're not downhearted--
We're just getting started.
Now let's Occupy an election.
December, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Whoever ends up as the nominee,
we know that we're in for more comedy
|
Let's run down the GOP wannabes,
Cuz one of 'em's gonna be nominee:
Mitt Romney's a flipflopper,
Perry's a clodhopper,
Herman's a bedhopper (probably);
While Newt is a prostitute,
Bachmann's an absolute
Nut job, and Paul's a catastrophe;
Though Mr. Santorum
And Number Two Mormon
Don't wanna be last, someone has to be.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
What if an actress discovered
Her husband in bed with another,
And she blew her top
And "slipped" off their yacht,
And drowned screamin' out to those mothers?
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Police pepper-sprayed Occupy protestors on both coasts, including these students at the University
of
CA, Davis, and an 84-year old Seattle woman |
Tasers aren't lethal so they're okay,
And we feel the same about pepper spray.
So freeze, boys and girls,
Cuz you're in our world--
And we don't think you should protest today.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The "super committee's" failure followed lobby-
ist Grover Norquist's boast that GOP leaders in
both houses of Congress had assured him they
would not
raise any taxes to reduce the deficit |
Why have Republicans fought off
Every idea that's been thought of
To bring some more green
To the revenue stream?
(You don't think they could have been bought off?!)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Whoever gets the GOP nomination, it won't be a
fair fight. Republicans have tightened election laws
in key states that will make it harder for millions to vote next year--esp. students, minorities & seniors |
Karl Rove Pep Talk
Our guys make a lousy impression,
But I got a little confession:
Our side's gonna win
The White House again.
We'll do it with voter suppression.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If the rest of the world watched the Republican
debates, everyone would build a bomb shelter |
Déjà Vu
Let's go to war with Iran
Before they come up with a bomb.
A nice, clean attack--
Not like Iraq,
Afghanistan or Viet Nam...
A surgical strike--
That's what we like.
Blow 'em to hell and be gone!
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mike McQueary (l.) said that when he saw fellow Penn State coach Jerry Sandusky raping a 10-year old boy in the shower in 2002, he told his boss Joe Paterno (r.), who in turn told his, but no one
there
ever reported that or similar incidents to police |
We've all had to work with some beasts,
But not as disgusting as these:
Big men who could take
A child bein' raped
And not even call the police
(And not even one was a priest).
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the end, it wasn't a scandal like his relationship with teen stripper Ruby that brought down Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berusconi, but his country's $2.6 trillion debt after a decade of low growth |
Oh sure, he was fulla baloney,
But we're gonna miss Berlusconi.
That last little girl
Was outta this world.
(You wouldn't do that? You're a phony!)
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain continued
to deny allegations that he sexually harassed
women, as
one accuser graphically described a
near-assault
and another
called him a "monster" |
"A little heads-up for the press:
That wasn't my hand up her dress.
'Twas my evil twin
And you should talk to him
But he's dead so just give it a rest!"
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An L.A. County jury convicted Michael Jackson's personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, of invol-
untary manslaughter, rejecting his defense that the singer died by his own hand while left unattended |
When someone starts blaming the victim,
It must feel great to convict him--
Especially a doc
Who's fed you a crock
On someone who can't contradict him.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
There's only one problem that I can see,
Reviewing your Privacy Policy...
It's in the fine print
So you might have to squint:
It says you don't have any privacy.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Justin Bieber, 17, was sued by Maria
Yeater,
20,
who falsely claimed the singer fathered
her
3-month
old son
backstage
after an L.A.
concert
last
year.
The suit was soon dropped |
False Alarm
Ah, life has been good to our laddie--
He's driven the little girls batty.
But that could be over--
Now one has come forward
To claim he's her little boy's daddy.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama's job-creation advisors include job-
cutters like Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of GE,
which
has closed 31 U.S. locations and cut 22,000
jobs
in the last four years while expanding overseas |
The president's gurus on jobs
Are giving the president gobs
Of worthless advice,
While in real life
They're cutting us working-class slobs.
November, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Aghan Pres. Hamid Karzai told Pakistani TV
that
his country would side with Pakistan
in
a
hypothetical war against the United States |
Hamid Karzai flipped us off again
When he declared that Afghanistan
Would stand with its neighbor
Against the invader
If we had a showdown with Pakistan.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In a 2009 visit by four U.S. Senators, Libyan
dictator Moammar Khadaffi was promised arms
by Sen.
John McCain, a Wikileaks cable shows.
But his
plan to nationalize
the oil companies
may
have helped
tilt the West's support to
Libya's
rebels,
who
killed him after
French
warplanes
&
a U.S.
predator drone attacked
his convoy |
We promised Khadaffi some arms
And then we destroyed him with bombs.
(As soon as he tried
To nationalize
The oil, our buddy was gone.)
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As a result of the Supreme Court 's Citizen United decision, groups like Karl Rove's American Cross-
roads
will face no spending limits in
their efforts
to unseat Pres. Obama in 2012. Rove's
super
PAC
has received
90% of its
contributions
this
year
from three billionaires |
We're such a distractable bunch,
I just have a cynical hunch
We'll base who we vote for
On ads that are paid for
By those who are eating our lunch.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In another mass shooting, Scott Dekraai killed his
ex-wife and seven others in a Seal Beach CA hair
salon where she worked |
Do people resistant to gun control
Rethink their position when some asshole
Goes crazy and wastes
Everyone in the place?
Or what's their solution, more self-control?
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Mitt Romney (R) served one term as governor of Mass. & has been running for president ever since |
Republican voters, let's have some fun
And count the elections Mitt Romney's won:
With all of his dough
You might think it'd be mo',
But 2002 was the only one.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Michelle Bachmann (above), Herman Cain and
Ron
Paul have all won recent straw polls |
So which unelectable asshole
Will win the Republican straw poll?
It won't be whoever
They run in November,
But let's hear the meaningless drum roll.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With 23 million Americans unable to find full-
time work, Republicans continue to
oppose
any
jobs legislation |
Jobs bill? They'll never pass one.
They'll kill it like the last one.
And while they pan
Obama's plan,
At least he f*ckin' has one!
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Anti-labor candidates like Gov. Scott Walker (R-
WI) won big in 2010, the first post- Citizens Unit-
ed election allowing unlimited
corporate spending |
It doesn't take much analyzing:
Government by advertising
Doesn't work--
Ya get the jerks
The plutocrats are merchandising.
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
"How do Republicans get us
Voting against our own interests?"
"It's not all that tough
When you're spendin' enough,
And lyin' like nobody's business."
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A homeowner lights his tap water on fire for film-
maker Josh Fox (shown) in the HBO documentary Gasland. Hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to ac-
cess natural gas deposits, was exempted from the
Clean Water Act by the Bush administration |
There's gas underfoot--let's get cracking!
Your land's where we're gonna be fracking.
Just sign this right here
And your future's secure!
(And oh, if your children start hacking
And coughing up blood
And contaminate crud,
You might wanna think about packing.)
October, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie
(R-NJ)
|
Chris Christie continues to balk
At all of the president talk.
They want him to run
But sonuva gun,
It's hard enough even to walk.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Although the majority of Americans favor a
single-
payer Medicare-for-all system, which
would
actually reduce the deficit, that was not a priority
of the 4,525 lobbyists
who influenced the new
health bill (eight for each member of Congress) |
Imagine, instead of "Obamacare,"
A plan that was popular everywhere:
The Dems would be stronger
If they had fought longer
For everyone's right to have Medicare.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Given that folks in the GOP
Wanna end Social Security
And Medicare too,
Here's what you do:
Vote Democratic exclusively
(Or stop getting older immediately).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are calling Pres. Obama's plan to
raise taxes on millionaires "class warfare," even
though billionaire
Warren Buffett proposed it,
saying he pays a lower rate than his secretary |
They won't raise the tax rate on millionaires
(Proposed, don't forget, by a billionaire).
"Class warfare!" they call it,
And they're gonna stall it
(While they kick the crap out of Medicare).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Taxpayers are losing $535 million on a Dept. of Energy loan to a now-bankrupt solar panel maker
whose largest investor is the family foundation
of a billionaire Obama contributor. The loan was pushed
through after the White House OMB
warned
that it was "NOT ready for prime time" |
Their loan had a federal guarantee,
So now that Solyndra's in bankruptcy,
They'll leave us the bill
For 500 mill.
No wonder they call it "green" energy.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA) claims he wants
to save Social Security, and hammers
Gov. Rick
Perry (R-TX) for calling it a 'Ponzi scheme,' but
his own book makes basically the same charge |
The queerest damn marriage you'll ever see:
Romney and Social Security.
His rival's so radical,
He's lookin' practical,
Saying--with utter hypocrisy--
He's not here to bury it,
Only to vary it.
Social Security, R.I.P.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama sent supporters an e-mail offering a chance to have dinner with him for a minimum contribution of $5 |
Inbox
Barack makes me feel like a winner!
He's askin', "Can we meet for dinner?"
Oh wait, there's a catch--
It's a lottery, natch.
I'll pass. Let him find a beginner.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With pensions disappearing and investments suf-
fering, Social Security has paid seniors guaranteed
benefits for 76 years, but Gov. Rick Perry
(R-
TX)
calls it a "monstrous lie" &
"Ponzi scheme" |
The way you find out it's a "Ponzi scheme":
It stops paying out [so it doesn't seem
That Social Security
Merits that imagery,
Since it pays out like a f*cking dream].
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans want more tax cuts for "job
crea-
tors"
even though the
last 10 years have seen
the
largest tax cuts [and deficits] in history, &
less
private sector
job creation than the 1930's |
Joblessness numbers are up again,
Thanks to those feckless Republicans
Who will not say yes
To a "jobs bill" unless
It's all tax cuts that nobody ever spends.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
18,000 wildfires have charred 3.4 million acres in Texas this year, and Gov. Rick Perry, who has
made
a name blasting federal spending,
wants
more
help from Washington (having cut his
state's
volunteer fire dept. funding by 75%)
|
"Let's stop all this government spending!
(But don't even think of suspending
The aid we require
To put out these fires--
Now what were ya thinkin' of sending?)"
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK), who resigned
during her first term, continues to
tease
supporters about running for president |
"Run, Sarah, run!" goes the crowd.
Excuse me for laughin' out loud,
But how couldja vote
For that pig in a poke,
Without bein' totally plowed?
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fed Chairman Bernanke and top economists
warned of more job losses if Republican budget
cuts became reality. Now that it's happening,
why isn't Pres. Obama
connecting
the dots? |
The key to Republican strategy:
Keep cutting until the economy
Is so f*cking bad
A job can't be had
(Except for the president's, naturally).
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama rescheduled a jobs speech to a Joint Session of Congress after House Speaker Boehner
(R-OH) objected to the date
|
His use of executive power
Is looking like Amateur Hour.
He'd better learn fast
How to kick ass--
The base is beginning to sour.
September, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
During its " Fast & Furious" program, 2,000 guns
were illegally purchased under ATF surveillance
in Arizona & then lost by agents trying to track
them. One was used to kill a U.S. Border Patrol
agent; others turned up at crime scenes in Mexico |
Your program went way past injurious.
Some good people died, and we're curious:
Who thought that those guns
Wouldn't hurt anyone?
Think fast, ATF, cuz we're furious.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) |
Disaster aid oughta be there for us
To help us through something calamitous,
But Cantor objects:
'Don't send it unless
We hurt someone else with more spending cuts.'
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A 5.8 earthquake centered near Mineral VA
damaged D.C.'s Washington Monument and
National Cathedral but caused no casualties |
If I were a jerk like Pat Robertson,
I'd say that the earthquake in Washington
Was God's little scare
For the lobbyists there,
And all their corruptible congressmen.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big Brother is watching, and pitching, you |
Well, first they came up with phrenology
And then it was on to psychology
And now the new game
For reading your brain
Is face recognition technology.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Is America ready for another anti-science
president working for Texas oil interests?
|
These skeptics on climate change, naturally,
Don't always communicate factually:
One warming denier
(Whose state is on fire)
Says we're in a "cooling trend," actually.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has also said
that the American Revolution
started in NH &
the
Founding Fathers
worked
to end slavery
|
Happy Birthday to Elvis! I lied--
August 16th's the day that he died
34 years ago
So I blew it, I know...
Can't the press ever let these things slide?!
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN) dropped out of
the GOP presidential race after finishing third in
the Iowa straw poll, as Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) jumped in |
Think nobody's missin' Pawlenty?
Hey, Starbucks is missin' him plenty.
Wherever he'd speak,
Their sales'd peak--
You'd give your eye teeth for a Venti.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
A hit job by Newsweek's not new;
They did it to Ross Perot too.
It means the establishment
Running the government
Wants someone other than you.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Critics of Gen. David Petraeus' counterinsurgency strategy say it didn't work for the French in Alger-
ia, Americans in Vietnam or Soviets in Afghanistan
|
America's patience is thinning
With wars that we know we're not winning.
The generals may say
Things are goin' our way
But success wouldn't take so much spinning.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As mandated by the debt ceiling bill, a "super committee" of six Republicans and six Democrats has three months to recommend $1.5 trillion in additional deficit reductions over the next decade |
Of course expectations are sh*tty
For Congress's "Super Committee."
This debt-trimming's nuts
When it's all done with cuts
And no help from the corporate kitty.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. govern-
ment's credit rating from AAA to AA+ for the
first time in history, saying that 'political brink-
manship [has made] America's governance and
policy-making less stable, effective & predictable' |
Triple-A rated like Canada,
Germany, France or Australia?
Those were the days--
Now we're just Double-A,
Like our friends in Japan and Slovenia.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Now that default is averted, Pres. Obama says
he'll focus on jobs. But the debt deal he just
signed, with $2 trillion in cuts & no new reve-
nue,
is predicted
to
make joblessness worse |
When faced with Republican brinkmanship,
Our president's known for his blinkmanship--
And each time he caves,
It's harder to save
An evermore rapidly sinkin' ship.
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Like new
|
They traded Furcal and it hurt.
Now what do I do with the shirt?
August, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
There's something about these people...
|
Hey, I'm patriotic, are you?
Do you hate our government too?
Then come and join up
With our Tea Party club.
Just look for the red, white and blue.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Even victory will look like defeat if Senate
Majority Leader Harry Reid's (D-NV) deficit-
reduction
bill passes. Entailing no new revenue
in deference to the Republicans, its budget
cuts
are predicted to further weaken the
economy |
They'll pass the Reid plan or they won't;
We're damned if they do or they don't.
With trillions in cuts
And no revenue, f*ck!
It's not what we need or we want.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House freshmen Republicans who want huge
budget cuts with no new revenue say they're
willing
to let the U.S. default to get their way
|
To make us default for no reason
Is not patriotic; it's treason.
But if we can't hang
The Tea Party gang,
We'd settle for kickin' their knees in.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Facing an ethics investigation and questions about his behavior, Rep. David Wu
(D-OR) announced
he's resigning from Congress |
The pressure to go was humongous
So David Wu's out of the Congress
And though
very few
Will miss Mr. Wu
We'll all miss those tiger pajamas.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are using the August 2 debt ceiling deadline and looming default to try to force Draconian budget cuts with no increase in
tax
revenue
from the wealthy and corporations |
Their "compromise" is an abortion,
With spending cuts out of proportion
To revenue gains
(The technical name
For what they are doin's "extortion").
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Tea Party Republicans like Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) would apparently rather see
the U.S. default on its debt for the first time in history than vote to raise the debt ceiling to cov-
er appropriations Congress has already made |
It's dangerous when children have too much tea:
The caffeine can lead to catastrophe.
Their brains are so small
They can't handle it all,
And many lose touch with reality.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) |
President Palin?
She walked off the job in Alaska,
And yet we've seen nobody ask her:
If you couldn't handle
The "Troopergate" scandal,
Then what makes you think you could master
The leadership skills
It would take, if you will,
To handle a real disaster?
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Prof. Elizabeth Warren will return to Harvard
after setting up the Consumer Financial
Protec-
tion Bureau which she conceived, and
which Republicans
are trying to put out of business
|
They never got tired of tarrin'
Professor Elizabeth Warren.
She fought a good fight
But for those on the right,
Consumer protection is foreign.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Fears of "Carmageddon" kept L.A. traffic light
as
a
freeway closed
for bridge demolition
|
How to survive Carmageddon,
The weekend that everyone's dreadin':
Avoid the Westside
Cuz
there's no 405,
Or walk to wherever you're headin'.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rupert Murdoch shut down the UK's 168-year
old News of the World and dropped his bid for
BSkyB amid revelations that his "journalists"had hacked thouasands of cell phones |
His people were hacking away
To gather the scoop of the day...
You think Rupert knew it?
There's one way to prove it:
Let's see what his phone has to say.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tech talk |
I don't wanna say this out loud,
But what in the f*ck is a "cloud?"
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell
(R-KY, on r.) said "the single most important
thing
we want to achieve is for Pres. Obama
to
be a
one-term president"--fodder for Demo-
cratic
charges
that
Republicans are deliberately sabotaging the economy
for political gain |
F*ck their Republican puffery!
They don't even want a recovery--
Till Twenty-Thirteen,
Ya know what I mean?
It's not like their wallets are suffering.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Millions were outraged when a jury found Casey Anthony not
guilty of murdering her
two-year old daughter, but one man saw opportunity |
One guy held a sign, "Casey, marry me!"
'N that's when I thought, What insanity!
If that little wretch
Were the last woman left,
I'd rather have sex with Sean Hannity.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Franklin Roosevelt used huge government action to lift the economy & create jobs, but to-
day's opposition is doing everything possible
to shrink the government, even risking default |
Our second worst downturn in history,
And government's really the enemy?
If FDR's watching,
He knows that we're botching
Our only good shot at recovery.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) quit bipartisan negotiations to raise the debt ceiling
over his side's opposition to ending tax breaks
and
loopholes for the wealthy and corporations |
Eric Cantor. That name, to me,
Is exactly what it should be...
Though the spelling is bad;
He really should add
An apostrophe 'fore the "t".
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Defense Dept. is the only government
agency that will receive a double-digit increase
in its
budget
for
fiscal year 2012 |
With all of the cutting that's going on,
You'd think they could cut at the Pentagon
...Now that Bin Laden,
The Soviet Union
And Cheney and Rumsfeld are finally gone.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans, who voted to raise the debt ceiling
seven times under Pres. Bush, oppose raising it
now even though their own Ryan budget adds
$6
trillion to the deficit over the next ten years |
Ten times since Two Thousand One--
Now that was a helluva run
For raising the debt limit,
Back when our government
Knew how to walk and chew gum.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans, who won midterm elections over frustration with the economy, seem determined
to make it even worse by insisting on spending
cuts
only to reduce the deficit |
The deficit isn't what got us here,
And lately it's up in the stratosphere
Cuz people ain't workin'!
(Ain't that what you jerks in
D.C. were supposed to be fixin' there?)
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama tends to sell his side short and
exact little in return for early concessions, as
shown
in the healthcare and budget debates |
He promised us change in 2008,
But "president's" harder than "candidate"--
And while he's sincere,
It's increasingly clear:
He doesn't know how to negotiate.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Maybe Tracy Morgan's onstage rants are a ploy
to guarantee a return booking, for the apology |
What's eating Tracy today?
'He's worried his kid'll be gay?
Or he'll meet a woman
With retarded children?'
Like, who is this, Andrew Dice Clay?!
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pilots working at U.S. computer screens are con-
ducting lethal drone attacks in at least 6 countries |
See the world, fighting for Uncle Sam!
You'll bomb Iraq and Afghanistan,
Then on to Libya,
Yemen, Somalia--
Don't forget, save some for Pakistan.
July, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rupert Murdoch's Midas touch was nowhere to
be seen with his six-year ownership of
Myspace |
Myspace
He paid more than what, half a billion?
And sold it for 35 million?
Yeah, Murdoch's so steamed
At his management team,
They're lucky he's not a Sicilian.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 Having the Ft. Calhoun Nuclear Plant surrounded
by water & Los Alamos Labs by fire
at the same time, just weeks after Fukishima, reminds us
how vulnerable nuclear facilities
are to natural disasters |
Osama bin Laden is toast
But he never scared me the most--
There's so much more danger
From ol' Mother Nature
No terrorist even comes close.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Impeached ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) was convicted on 17 counts of corruption, including trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Jurors were convinced by recorded evidence, though his
lawyer had argued he was just thinking out loud |
Blagojevich really got trounced--
They got him on 17 counts.
That hair's gotta go--
Hey, it's beautiful, bro,
But where you're gonna go they just pounce.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Republicans, wake up and face the facts,
And watch where you're swingin' that f*ckin' ax!
The budget's a bitch?
Then talk to the rich.
You're not gonna balance it on our backs.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Ya ever gone out like an innocent
And wondered what V.I.P. really meant?
Like, who's on that side
Of the velvet divide?
Just fools who paid more for the same event.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
No compromise: Republicans would rather end
Social
Security
and Medicare
than end tax
cuts
and loopholes
for
the wealthy
and corporations
|
At scaring us silly, they're really great:
Obamacare! Death panels! Nanny state!
But scarier still
Are their own frickin' bills--
Read 'em and try not to emigrate.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
L.A. Dodgers Matt Kemp & Andre Ethier, both batting over .300,
celebrate a win. If owner Frank McCourt cannot make
payroll after draining
$100
million from the team for his personal use,
Major League Baseball could seize
it &
put it up for sale |
The Dodgers won three in a row
But that's the exception, I know--
More often they play
Like they might not get paid
And nobody's runnin' the show.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Golf is a good walk spoiled"--Mark Twain |
Obama and Boehner played golf
And some of us wanted to rolf
(It's such a disgrace
When a man shaves his legs,
And none of our problems get solved).
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Body shop costs have skyrocked since NHTSA weakened bumper standards under the Reagan administration. 13% of the new cars sold
in the
U.S. last month did not come with spare tires |
My car isn't new--I don't care--
I love it because it's so rare.
See, this baby has
What new ones don't have:
A bumper, a trunk and a spare.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Calling it a misguided attempt to isolate Israel,
Pres. Obama is lobbying allies to vote against
a Palestinian state resolution in the U.N. |
Why does our President spend his time
Lining up votes against Palestine?
We know who he's pleasin'
But those in the region
May see "hope and change" as an empty line.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Grover Norquist, whose Americans for Tax
Reform has exacted a no-tax pledge from most
of the Republicans in Congress, may be losing influence as many awaken to fiscal realities and
seek to close loopholes like the ethanol tax credit |
Hey, nobody voted for Grover,
Whose influence oughta be over:
The once-middle class
Is flat on its ass;
His bitches are rollin' in clover.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Bipartisan pressure is building to end
the
$6
billion annual tax credit
for ethanol. The U.S.
currently diverts 38% of its corn crop to
make biofuels,
raising food prices around the
world
|
Folks on the left and right both agree:
Let's end the ethanol subsidy
And give Uncle Sam
Six billion clams,
And let corn be what it's supposed to be.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Tea Party favorite Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MI) used the second GOP debate to announce her run |
It's clear that they're all on a mission
To hold the most rightwing position,
So don't be surprised
If one of 'em tries
To reintroduce Prohibition.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX) |
Rick Perry is some kind of optimist:
He thinks we'll forget he's secessionist,
And how his state's busted,
And how we all trusted
The last piece 'a sh*t Texas sent to us.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The stall made famous by a then-sitting Senator |
"I'm not gonna quit," and he meant it--
So Larry Craig stayed in the Senate,
Where all his old friends
Shunned him right to the end.
(Congressman Weiner, you get it?)
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Anthony Weiner
(D-NY) |
Abundantly clear from this Weiner mess:
There's nowhere to hide from our kinkiness
When all of the sexting
And all of the texting's
Just one click away from the internets.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New York's kinky ex-Congressmen (l. to r.):
The Tickler, the Flexer & the Weiner |
Eric Massa and Christopher Lee
And this Anthony Weiner are three
Of the horniest gents
That New York's ever sent
Down to Washington frickin' D.C.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Before exposing Anthony Weiner, blogger
Andrew Breitbart posted a misleadingly edited
video of
USDA
official
Shirley Sherrod, which showed
her as a
racist
and got her fired |
Just because Weiner admitted it
Doesn't make Breitbart legitimate:
Remember who got
Shirley Sherrod
Fired, the way she was edited.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Treasury Dept. will be unable to pay its
bills after August 2 if Republicans block raising
the debt ceiling. Economists say a first-ever U.S.
default would be catastrophic |
Alas, our Republican potentates
Are not mathematical heavyweights:
If they get their way
And the U.S. can't pay,
Imagine what happens to interest rates.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After a week of denials, Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) apologized for sharing eponymous photos
with women online, and said he would not resign, until he did so ten days later
|
The obvious lesson of Weinergate
For every political candidate:
When you're overheated
You don't have to tweet it--
Just go home and beat it, you reprobate.
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In the mother of all loss leaders, Amazon sold 440,000 new Lady Gaga albums at 99 ¢
in two
days (paying $8.40 for each
digital
copy it sold) |
Of all the unusual events...
New Gaga for 99 cents!
For buyers it's fun
But the industry's stunned--
Like, where will the prices go next?
June, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As governor, Mitt Romney (R-MA) signed a re-
quirement that everyone have health insurance, a
mainstream Republican idea, as was end-of-life counseling, until both became demonized within
The
Patient
Protection & Affordable Care Act
|
Flipflopicans
The mandate for coverage was their idea,
But these days they call it "Obamacare."
And end-of-life counseling?
That also was their thing,
Until it became the "death panel" scare.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Talk radio's like karaoke
Yeah, once in a while you get lucky
And hear someone great
But they're not worth the wait
Cuz everyone else is so sucky.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
CA preacher Harold Camping says his prophecy that the world would end was off by five months and that Judgment Day will actually come Oct. 21 |
Now that the world isn't over,
He's moved the date up to October...
Although he may find
Not many inclined
To give the End Times a do-over.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu was unknowing-
ly recorded in 2001 saying "America is a thing
you
can move very easily." He proved it with
his
lecture to a Joint Session of Congress |
This wasn't just any old yahoo:
No, this was the great Netanyahu!
They stood thirty times
To applaud all his lines,
That not one meshuggenah saw through.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
GOP presidential hopefuls from Gingrich
to Huntsman to Pawlenty feel required to say
they
would have voted for the House budget,
even
though most Americans oppose its radical
plan
to end Medicare. A Democrat won a special congressional
election
in NY on the issue |
They've finally come up with the best
Republican loyalty test:
'If you won't kill Medicare,
You won't go anywhere.'
This Democrat is impressed!
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
When you hear an interview show,
It's really important to know
Who's human or not
(The typical bot
Begins every answer with "So....")
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN, left), who said
he would
not run for president, and the late Frank Perdue ("It
takes a tough
man to make a tender chicken") |
Mitch Daniels is not gonna run--
So why's everybody so stunned?
The guy's pretty smart:
He knew in his heart
Ol' Frank Perdue couldn't have won.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A week before Israeli PM Netanyahu's conten-
tious White House visit, veteran dealmaker
former Sen.
George Mitchell (D-ME) resigned
as
Special Envoy on Middle East peace after
28 months
of fruitless negotiations |
George Mitchell, who brought peace to Ireland,
Has thrown in the towel on the Holy Land
(He thought he knew stubborn
From workin' in Dublin
But this was more than even he could stand).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Risking a first-ever federal default, Republicans
vow to
block raising
the nation's
debt limit
un-
less
they get $2 trillion
in budget
cuts. Ending
Bush
tax cuts for
the
rich
is "not
on the table" |
You'll have to explain how these hooligans,
Whose unprecedented shenanigans
Could cause the U.S.
To default on its debts,
Are such patriotic Americans.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) addresses a
town
hall meeting on how to trim government fat |
"Don't knock Christie's weight--nuthin's wrong--
Hey, the guy's just a little big-boned!"
"But if tightenin' the belt's
Good for everyone else,
Don't you think he could try that at home?"
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ex-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) and
wife Maria Shriver separated after she learned
he'd fathered a child over a decade ago with a longtime member of their household staff. On
his last day in office, he'd reduced prison
time
for a crony's son involved in a fatal stabbing |
That Arnold's a walking disaster
Whose rep couldn't sink any faster--
From cutting the sentence
Of Esteban Nunez
To secretly fath'ring a bastard.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Two Republicans who announced they would not seek the presidency (Trump and Huckabee) would have had to give up lucrative TV deals to run |
For President, who do you wanna see,
Besides all the latest don't-wannabes?
The Donald and Barbour
Are going no farther,
And neither is Iron Mike Huckabee.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
A.Q. Khan (l.) who admitted selling nuclear se-
crets to Iran, N. Korea & Libya, was released
from
house arrest in 2009 and never prosecuted
by Pakistan; IMF chief/French pol Dominique
Strauss-Kahn (r.) was arrested in NYC
for
the sexual assault of a hotel maid (his second
wife's god-daughter made a similar charge) |
Just pity the people named Kahn:
A Paki sold nuclear bombs,
And now a top frog
Is arrested and charged
With failing to keep his pants on.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Prince William (l.) and Harry |
Why don't these handsome young brothers
Look a bit more like each other?
(If you need a clue,
It's not cuz the two
Didn't both have the same mother.)
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Imagine if former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
had declared his presidential ambitions
on
CraigsList
instead of
Twitter |
Hypocrite prone to philander,
Pander, meander 'n slander,
Is looking for work
With plenty 'a perks
(President, or something grander).
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
First-term Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) is being wooed to run for president by some top Iowa
Republican donors unhappy with the field
|
"So what's his appeal again?"
"He's comfortable in his own skin."
"Well jeepers, why not?
He's certainly got
Enough to be comfortable in!"
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
60 Minutes alleged that parts of Greg Morten-
son's book "Three Cups of Tea" (such as being
kidnapped by the Taliban) are not true, and
that
donations and book proceeds are going not
toward
building Afghan schools, but to him |
I'm making us three cups of tea--
Here's one for you, 'n two for me.
I'll tell you my tale
In daring detail--
Just don't take it literally.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Photo: Irfan Khan, © Los Angeles Times
The Dalai Lama
at the
University of
Southern California |
Get ready for gridiron drama:
The Trojans got the Dalai Lama!
He takes the ball, meditates,
Fakes a pass, levitates...
Touchdown! He's wavin' to mama!
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
9 years, 7 months and 20 days after Septem-
ber
11, 2001, U.S. forces killed Al
Qaeda
leader Osama bin Laden in a mansion
near
the
Pakistan Military Academy |
Obama's poll numbers should rise
With Osama bin Laden's demise:
We'd rather be workin'
But puttin' that jerk in
The ground is a pleasant surprise.
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN), who said Republi-
cans should declare 'a truce on social issues,' will
sign a bill
making Indiana the first state to cut off
all
government funding for Planned Parenthood
|
"I got an idea that's really good:
Let's do away with Planned Parenthood!
Young women won't miss
A program like this
'F they just stay away from young peckerwoods."
May, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
|
Their birther baloney is baseless
Their posters are totally tasteless
And now their crusade
Is "Show us your grades!"
(Ya think that these folks might be racists?)
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Top brass were fired last year after an investiga-
tion
by
the Army inspector general found that
at
least
211 graves were mislabeled at Arlington
National Cemetery. But it's worse than that... |
Imagine a family's anxiety
At Arlington National Cemet'ry.
Your loved one is there--
You just hope they cared
To bury him where he's supposed to be.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) and other Republicans
faced angry town hall meetings over
their
budget
plan giving more tax breaks
to the
rich
while
shredding Medicare |
You notice the people ain't buyin'
The GOP budget by Ryan?
They wanted "less government"--
They didn't know it meant
Medicare actually dyin'!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Wolves face renewed hunting now that a rider attached to the budget bill requires them to be removed from the endangered species list in Montana and Idaho, to the cheers of hunters
and
ranchers and the alarm of conservationists |
We wolves are attracted to elk
And hunt 'em like nobody else
But we're in the sights
Of the two-legged types
Who wanna have that to themselves.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Attendance
at
tea
party rallies has dropped
sharply since
the
attempted assassination of
Rep.
Gabrielle Giffords
(D-AZ)
that left six
dead and 13
injured in
Tucson |
Tea Party leaders are bummin'--
Lately the crowds aren't comin'.
Why aren't they there?
Maybe they're scared--
Too many gun nuts among 'em!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
This year Good Friday and Earth Day
Happen to fall on the same day--
The Son and the Earth
Awaiting rebirth,
Bearing our sins in the same way.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
POTUS Envy
After saying everything he can to discredit the president, Donald Trump is expected to drop out
of the race before voters can say, "You're fired" |
The way Donald Trump has been lusting
For POTUS's job is disgusting.
If only he'd run--
It'd be so much fun
To watch Donald's rump take a dusting.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"I'll betcha that Donald Trump's nailed some babes, huh? Let's vote for him"
|
There's way more of us than of them--
So why do the rich always win?
Cuz too many simpletons
Vote for Republicans,
Thinkin' these guys are their friends.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Social Security benefits (already too low) won't
have to be cut if the earnings cap is removed and
all annual earnings and bonuses are subject to
FICA & Medicare tax, not just the first $100,000 |
The Social Security con:
They claim it'll run out of funds.
But just take the cap
Off the earnings we tax,
And problem solved. Please pass it on.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Initializing installation...Restore point created... |
Is Microsoft feeling okay?
There’s two or three updates a day
(Dunno if they’re workin’--
We're always restartin’
And never on line anyway).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Jolly good weapons of mass distraction |
"Prince William is marrying--wow!"
"And that affects you and me how?
You're getting excited
Cuz we've been invited
Or you're just a silly girl now?"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Come in, tower? Come in? |
These cutbacks don't come without risks--
Air passengers understand this:
Like one air controller
Asleep in a tower
With 8 hours off between shifts.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
|
Anonymous posters are fulla sh*t--
The cowardly clowns of the internet.
Their serving 'a slime
Stays frozen in time
(With spelling so bad who knows what they meant).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Energy companies that wrote big checks to
GOP candidates were rewarded when House
Republicans cut $1.6 billion from
the
Environmental
Protection Agency's budget |
"1.6 billion from EPA--
That's makin' progress, now wouldn'ya say?"
(True, big polluters
Are our biggest rooters
But we woulda made these cuts anyway.)
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After they sabotaged
the revenue stream by ex-
tending
tax cuts for
the
wealthiest Americans, Republicans framed the budget battle as the
need
to cut "wasteful spending" |
The budget for this year is finally done
But our little Tea Party's just begun.
Our purpose is clear--
Less taxes each year--
So watch as we reach out and f*ck someone.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Your tax [cuts for the rich] dollars at work |
It's all so confusing at first
This fight for the federal purse
But follow the dough
And that's how you'll know
It's Robin Hood, just in reverse.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration © Mother Jones
America got punked by a party promising jobs
|
America to GOP
Tax cuts at the top, we're not buying.
They're one of the reasons we're dying.
We know what you'll say
Cuz we hear it each day
But they don't
create jobs, so stop lying.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Having challenged Pres. Obama's birth certificate, Donald Trump is rumored to keep his under his hair
|
Why Donald Trump should be President:
"Why wouldja even be hesitant?
I got the dough
And a big TV show,
'N I'm not an illegal resident."
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Seniors who want to cut government
spending
are age-exempt from Republican proposals
to
slash
Social
Security and Medicare benefits
|
These cuts to entitlements bite!
('Fyou're grandfathered in, you're all right...
That's why many seniors
Are with the extremists:
They don't have a dog in this fight).
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Photo: Luis Sinco, © Los Angeles Times
While many on the right cheered for a government shutdown, the
military had a good reason not to
|
We're screwed by a Congress of clowns--
No pay unless they come around.
I guess for the Right
We're yesterday's fight:
"Support the troops," meet "Shut 'er down!"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Keep the government off our back!
Vote Republican
|
WATCH out cuz here's what you're gonna win
If you keep voting Republican:
Your Social Security,
Medicare--those'll be
Gone by the time that they should kick in.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michelle
Bachmann (R-MN) has used
vio-
lent
anti-government rhetoric to rally teabaggers |
Bachmann and Palin and Jim DeMint
Constantly run down the government.
Hey, if you shmucks
Hate it so much,
Don't feel ya still have to run for it!
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Transocean, which lost nine employees in the oil
rig explosion that fouled the Gulf of Mexico,
increased
bonus pay
for safety in 2010 |
"Hitherto under the onus
Of everyone wanting to stone us,
The management team
Is living the dream:
Everyone's getting a bonus!"
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Opposed by the same enemies, Pres. Obama's conciliatory style is the opposite
of FDR's
|
So how do you like him so far?
He's fine but he's no FDR
Who 'welcomed the hatred'
Of those he frustrated
And knew 'em for just what they are.
April, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Here we go again... |
Those Libyan rebels? Let's arm 'em
Before that Kaddafi can harm 'em.
It's not like Afghanistan:
Those guns'll never then
Wind up bein' used against our men.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It's one year since Tilikum, a killer whale involved
in two prior deaths, grabbed experienced trainer
Dawn Brancheau
into the water and killed her in front of a
Florida audience |
That SeaWorld disaster was chilling--
A killer whale
really went killing.
Its trainer is dead
But let it be said
At least it lived up to its billing.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Selling vodka to robots |
That trendy new vodka is really hot--
Their billboards all say R.U. BOT OR NOT?
The people decrying
They're not R. just lying,
Cuz robots around here is all we got.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin offered illuminating commentary
following Pres. Obama's Libya speech |
Are we in a war or a skirmish?
Give up, cuz you're not so bookwormish?
What Libya is,
According to Ms.
Palin, is really a "squirmish."
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Areas for improvement |
Base to Obama
Untangle our ass overseas
And focus on joblessness, please.
Oh yeah, one more thing:
And when you're speaking,
F*ckin' stop droppin' your g's!
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Army Spc. Jeremy Worlock
was sentenced to 24 years in prison for the random murder of three unarmed Afghan civilians.
He and others
in
his
unit posed smiling with Afghan corpses in
photographs
just published
in Der Spiegel
|
"Hearts and minds, that's what we have to win!"
Okay, but where is that happenin'?
Seems in Afghanistan,
Iraq and Pakistan,
We're as disliked as we've ever been.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Then-Pres. Bush was photographed smirking to
the
press corps after his admission that he
should
not have said "Bring 'em on" when asked about
possible attacks on American forces in Iraq |
Forty-four hundred and forty-four
Americans dead in Iraqi War
Through March 27,
2011;
The wounded are thirty-two thousand more.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With the news from Japan getting worse, news junkies can be forgiven for
having
a one-track mind
|
Don't give me the news from Namibia
Or endless political trivia.
I just want the poop
On those Japanese nukes.
I don't give a sh*t about Libya.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Labour Party leader Ed Miliband bashes
the
Tories with glee in Prime Minister's Questions |
The Democrats need a new firebrand
Like Labour of Britain's Ed Miliband.
The guy takes no sh*t
From Conservative twits,
And gives it right back, 'spite their upper hand.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Long flight |
Don't take your shoes off on the plane!
The gases could set us aflame!
The rest of us care
What we breathe in this air...
Goddam it, did you fart again?!
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Hours after the UN approved a No Fly Zone in Libya, Nobel Peace Prize winner Pres. Obama
took
the
US into another war
|
Oh whoopee, we're going to war!
(Have I seen this movie before?)
We're stretched pretty thin
With the two that we're in,
But why don't we get in one more?
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Japan struggled to prevent a nuclear meltdown after an earthquake and tsunami
damaged six reactors |
Poor earthlings, they can't disembark
The future they're facing is stark
One bright spot, however
They'll save lots of power
There once they all glow in the dark.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
How many jobs will be lost if Republicans get
their $60 billion in budget cuts? Between
200,000
(per Bernanke) to over 700,000, ac-
cording to other economists. Meanwhile
there's no evidence that the cuts would increase
employment or boost economic activity |
If Republican cuts all go down, then
Jobs lost 'll be hundreds of thousands.
That's why we should balk
At the deficit hawks
Compounding our joblessness problems.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) gave $140 million in
tax breaks to corporations just before he an-
nounced
this fiscal year's deficit of $137 million,
then signed
a bill curbing collective bargaining
rights for public employees, except the
unions
that supported
his election | In Walker we've come to despise
The hidden agenda and lies
But we shoulda known
He's bad to the bone--
It's all in those deadly dull eyes.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Socializing |
A socially handicapped zone
where everyone stares at his phone
i'm giving this bar
only one star
i could be this bored at home
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Returning presidential hopeful ex-Gov. Mike
Huckabee
(R-AR), an ordained Southern Baptist minister, claimed in a radio interview that
Pres.
Obama
was raised in Kenya, where the Mau
Mau revolution inspired his
anti-Western feelings |
Don't care if he's fat or he's thin,
If he's saved or he's drownin' in sin.
All I care about
Is just keepin' him out
Of the White House forever. Amen.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Newt Gingrich (R-GA), who is exploring a presidential run, called on House Republicans "to move a bill to create a venue for state bankruptcy," so states can escape their pen-
sion obligations to firemen, cops and teachers
|
Newt Gingrich can fix the economy:
Have states all declare they're in bankruptcy!
It's easy, it's fast--
Everyone gets the shaft!
These problems ain't hard as they seem to be.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Production was suspended on the top TV
show over Charlie Sheen's behavior |
For Two and a Half Men to last,
You just have to change up the cast.
The little boy grew,
So try somethin' new--
Like Charlie Sheen playing the Half.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Col. Kadafi blamed Osama bin Laden for a
Libyan revolt against his rule, and said young
protesters
were fueled by milk and
Nescafé
spiked
with hallucinogenic drugs |
Al Qaeda put drugs in my Nescafé!
Now fighting is all I can do all day!
(Think after I topple
Kadafi, some Snapple
With extra drugs in it would be okay?)
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Service with a smile
Illus. by Maggie Delbon, © Enterprise Media
|
When thanking somebody, "You're welcome"
Has sadly turned into "No problem"--
A grudging reply
That sounds like a lie
(And maybe that's why it's so common).
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) was the first
Republican governor to scapegoat teacher
unions for state budget shortages, but the
real
culprit is unemployment |
Our teachers are lower than Jaws' shit.
Whatever the problem, they caused it.
Why, sonuvabitch,
They're all gettin' rich!
Let's lower their pay till they all quit.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Meet the new, fiscally responsible Republicans |
Republican Guide to Fiscal Responsibility
Step 1: Kill the surplus with tax cuts
Step 2: Fight two wars till they bust us
Step 3, this is key:
Straightfacedly
Explain how the Democrats f*cked us.
March, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Rightwing billionaires Charles (l.) & David Koch founded & largely fund Americans For Prosperity,
a political advocacy group opposing the stimulus package, climate change legislation, health care reform, collective bargaining rights, paying taxes... |
Americans For, what, Prosperity?
You Koch brothers gotta be kiddin' me!
The minimum wage
Puts you guys in a rage!
Your front isn't what it pretends to be.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) spent 20 minutes on
the phone with a man he thought was billionaire rightwing contributor David Koch (pron. coke),
discussing
his efforts to bust Wisconsin unions |
"Scott Walker." "Hi Scott, David Koch"
[Imposter who taped while they spoke,
Just kicking 'round plans
To f*ck Everyman,
With Scott never getting the joke].
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans For Prosperity, funded by the Koch brothers, is bussing Tea Partiers to Madison to support Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI) against those demonstrating to keep collective bargaining rights. The billionaire Kochs have much to gain from his union-busting efforts, & the middle class much
to
lose: it fared best when unions were strong
|
The Tea Party's mixed up again
They think that Scott Walker's their friend
And unions are bad
So bring on the scabs...
But guess who'll get f*cked in the end.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Illustration © Mother Jones
Just weeks after they blocked all bills until tax
cuts were extended for the wealthy [adding al-
most $1 trillion to the deficit], Republicans are
ready to shut down the government if Demo-
crats don't agree to draconian spending cuts
|
The rich got their tax cuts, so now
It's time to shut government down
(It's hard to believe
We voted for these
Banana Republican clowns).
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The latest Glenn Beck fantasy has both Presidents Bush conspiring with American leftists to place
the seat of Islamic world government in Babylon |
Glenn Beck's latest off'ring of fear and hate
Has something to do with a "caliphate"
(You must turn on Fox
If you wanna watch
A crazy man mentally masturbate).
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In his speech at Cairo University in June, 2009, Pres. Obama lectured the government: "You
must maintain
your power through consent
[and] place the interests of your people...above
your party....Elections alone do not make true democracy."
An audience member shouted,
"Barack Obama, we love you!"
|
Democracy, people, is where it's at!
Obama told Cairo. We got your back!
Now Egypt is reeling
And he must be feeling
A bit like Steve Urkel: Did I do that?
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) resigned hours
after this photo and flirty emails with a
woman
on Craigslist turned up on a gossip
website.
Using his real name, the married congressman,
46, said he was a divorced lobbyist, 39 |
How many people have jerked off
To Christopher Lee with his shirt off?
He doesn't look bad
For a husband and dad;
"Lobbyist," though, that's a turnoff.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Keeping its word not to attack protestors, the Egyptian Army stood by and let others do it
|
Egyptian protestors, we ♥ you!
The Army will never attack you!
[But if other feds
Should start cracking heads,
You don't think we'd actually back you?!]
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The digital age is a thief's delight |
The rights of an author get trampled
When copy gets "scraped," music "sampled."
So if someone takes
A work you create,
Sue him and make an example.
February, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If the U.S. seems cool toward change in Egypt, it's because it doesn't know who'd fill the power vac-
uum to be left by dictator ally Hosni Mubarak (l.) |
Egyptians would like to be done
With Hosni Mubarak & Son.
The Yanks are aghast:
"Hey wait, not so fast--
We don't know who else we can run!"
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"American Exceptionalism," or
How to
Win Friends & Influence People |
America--we're so Exceptional
It's hard not to get all erectional.
We're so heaven-blessed
God loves us the best
Why can't the world be more affectional?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After years of helping to transfer wealth
from
the middle to upper class, many in Washing-
ton are now
calling for "shared sacrifice"--with
cuts to
programs
like Social Security because
keeping
them
might require the rich to contrib-
ute
more
than
their
current share |
The middle class, tossed out of paradise,
Is asking what's meant by "shared" sacrifice:
Just what will the rich in
America pitch in
As we give up more of our half a slice?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Keith Olbermann signed off on Countdown as MSNBC announced an end to their contract, just days after the FCC & Justice Dept. approved Comcast's acquisition of a 51% stake in NBC Universal from General Electric |
We took it for granted--now Countdown
Is leaving the air--what a letdown.
Keith Olbermann, why
Are you leavin' us, guy?
Did someone on high make you step down?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Working with Presidents Kennedy (his brother-
in-law) and Johnson, the late Sargent Shriver
launched numerous social programs that remain
in
place today. "Serve, serve, serve," he said. "In
the end, it will be the servants who save us all." |
Back when government wasn't taboo
And "the cause of our problems" [not true],
From VISTA and Peace Corps
To Head Start and Job Corps,
He showed us the good it can do.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gun stores are sold out of the Glock 18 w/33
round magazine, the gun that suspected shooter
Jared Loughner used to kill six & injure 13
oth-
ers
including Rep. Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson |
You know a society's sick
When a tragedy happens like this
And taking top prize
As gun sales rise?
The same f*cking Glock with a clip.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
(R-TX), sentenced to three years in prison for money-laundering, called it a "travesty of jus-
tice" & said he'd been convicted "in the most
liberal county in the country [Travis Co., TX]" |
So Tom DeLay, known as The Hammer,
Is finally facing the slammer.
But appeals can drag on
So while he's out on bond,
We'll still have to hear the guy yammer.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Remember when America actually made things? Now an entrepreneur defaces U.S. currency to
make a
buck off banner ads |
A website's defacing our currency:
It's WheresGeorge.com if you wanna see.
They want you to track
Where a bill's been and back
(Just do it before they're in custody).
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Unsuccessful Senate candidate Sharron Angle
(R-NV) said, "I'm hoping that we're not getting
to 2nd Amendment remedies. I hope the vote
will be the cure for the Harry Reid problems." Inflammatory political speech and permissive
gun laws were denounced by Sheriff Dupnik
after
the attempted assassination of Rep.
Giffords (D-AZ) in Tucson, where six died
|
Sharron Angle, your crass contribution
About Second Amendment solutions
Did not show much thought
That lives could be lost.
Only YOU can prevent noise pollution.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"The leader and the speaker have established
their integrity and their mendacity for years
in this Congress," Rep. Steve King (R-IA)
told
the new session on January 6 |
'Our Speaker John Boehner's integrity
Is matched only by his mendacity...'
You got it, Steve King.
What knowledge you bring!
Norm Crosby himself would be proud 'a thee.
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), Rep. Jeff Denham (R-CA) and Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID) are among
new lawmakers who promised Tea Party sup-
porters they'd "reduce the influence of lobbyists
and special interests in Washington," and then
named lobbyists as their chiefs of staff |
We voted for change so don't laugh
At our little tea party gaffe
But the guy we elected
Has gone and selected
A lobbyist as chief of staff!
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) takes the gavel |
The Hundred Twelfth Congress is here
And plugging a bogus idea:
That shrinking the government
Will solve our predicament.
Where are the jobs, Boehner dear?
January, 2011
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slap the next person to overuse "like"...pass it on |
Throughout, like, the whole USA
The word you hear everyone say
Is "I was like blah blah blah...
She was like blah blah blah..."
Shut the f*ck up, like, OK?!!
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America's proliferation of guns and densen-
sitization to violence are a lethal combination |
You know what would really be something?
If we could just get off the gun thing.
That Glock on your hip
Makes you look kinda sick
[But sayin' that might be a dumb thing].
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Dream Act, which would have given those brought to the US illegally as children a path to
citizenship through college or military service,
passed the House but fell 5 votes short of the 60 needed to bring it to the Senate floor for debate |
Senate Rules
The Dream Act got 55 Yays
But lost out to 41 Nays
(It's like a bad dream--
You can win by 14
And go down to defeat anyways).
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) has held so many bills from moving
forward that he's known as Dr. No.
The latest to fall, an overhaul of vehicle
safety
laws drafted
in the
wake
of Toyota's
fatal
sudden-acceleration accidents, had once seemed certain to pass |
You can't have majority rule
When a Senator's playin' the fool.
It only takes one
And a good bill is done:
He puts a "hold" on it, and drools.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin tried to wink her way into voters'
hearts in the 2008
VP debate with Joe Biden |
"My Gawd, Sarah Palin is somethin'!
She winked at me once, the lil' dumplin'."
"Was she on TV?"
"Yeah, but she winked at me!
'N I thought, Yer in luck, country bumpkin!"
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. John Kyl (R-AZ) complained that keeping
the
Senate in session up to Christmas was "disrespectful" to Christians |
Republicans: "It's sacreligious!
We may have to work up to Christmas!"
Well, next year don't fight
Every bill that is right
And you'll get home on time, you ol' bitches.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The late Richard Holbrooke's grim assessment
of Afghanistan was reinforced by classified in-
telligence reports of little progress there and
the
arming, training and funding of the Taliban
by Pakistan, which
is due to get another $7.5
billion
from the U.S. over the next 3 years |
As we send more billions to Pakistan,
Our BFF's training the Taliban
To blow up our guys
(We fund their demise).
Don't let your kid go to Afghanistan.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The final words of veteran U.S. diplomat Richard Holbrooke were "You've got to stop this war in Afghanistan," his family has disclosed. As U.S. special envoy there, he told Bob Woodward our strategy "has a one in ten chance of succeeding" |
To the President:
Please give Richard Holbrooke his wish 'n
Wrap up this Afghanistan mission.
You'll save lotsa lives,
Let guys see their wives
And play with the kids 'n go fishin'.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Incoming Weeper of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) cries about "living the
American
dream," but seems oblivious to
how
Re-
publican proposals would kill that
dream
for others: from repealing student
loan
reform to eliminating
the
minimum wage
to privatizing
Social
Security
and Medicare |
The American Dream makes him cry...
While Republican schemes make it die.
If Americans knew
What these guys wanna do
They would all blubber too, that's no lie.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans are riding on hot air and lots of money |
You can't run a country on rhetoric
And claim that you're fighting the deficit
While pimping two wars
For a decade (soon more)
And giving tax breaks with no benefit.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Americans are already paying for GOP election gains, as emboldened Senate Republicans block
all bills including an extension of tax cuts for
98% of Americans, until they are extended
for
the
wealthiest 2% |
Till they get their way with tax loopholes
They've shoved other bills down a rathole.
Kill Don't Ask Don't Tell?
Pass the Dream Act as well?
No chance, cuz we voted for assholes.
There's nothing they're willing to barter
(The START Treaty's still a non-starter!)
No tax cuts for us--
We're under the bus.
Too bad that the voters weren't smarter.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in custody.
British authorities should question
the
BBC
about its decision to link to WikiLeaks'
top
secret U.S. cable that amounts to a "hit
list
for
Al
Qaeda" of crucial overseas sites. AP and
other
news
organizations
did
not publish the list |
WikiLeaks says, 'So tough!
We're blabbing your secret stuff.'
And then BBC
Wants the whole world to see
Our soft targets. Enough's enough!
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republican Senators held unemployment bene-
fits and other bills hostage to an extension of
Bush
tax cuts for the wealthiest
2% of
Ameri-
cans,
even though
keeping
them will cost $830
billion over the
next
ten years, and they haven't created
jobs:
Only one million were created in
Pres.
Bush's 8 years v.
22 million in Pres.
Clin-
ton's (the tax rates
they don't want to return
to) |
It's out there for all to see--
The blatant hypocrisy:
"To combat the deficit"
No jobless benefits
Coming to you or me
'Less billionaires get a hand
And all 'a their tax cuts stand
[The deficit will
Get bigger still,
But deficit fears be damned].
It's out there for all to see--
We're f*cked by the GOP.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
It's hard to age gracefully when you're a cell phone |
It looks like an old piece of crap
It doesn't have photos or apps
But give me a ring
And I'll answer the thing--
You can't ask for much more than that.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Iraq veteran
infantry officer Lt. Daniel Choi, a
West Point graduate, Arab linguist and one of 14,000+ military personnel discharged under
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, was the first to re-enlist
when a judge declared the law unconstitutional |
The courts say the law's gotta go
The Pentagon also thinks so
The people agree
End DADT!
But "Maverick" McCain still says No.
December, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Somali-born Mohamed Mohamud, 19, was ar-
rested by the FBI after trying to detonate a
bomb at Portland's Christmas tree-lighting |
He wouldn't have batted an eye
If hundreds of people had died
But Portland's okay
And Mo's put away.
Keep up the good work, FBI.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After N. Korea's surprise attack on a S. Korean
island, Sarah Palin told Glenn Beck
"...obviously,
we gotta stand with our North Korean allies."
According
to the election best-seller Game
Change, Palin
could not tell her
debate coaches
in
Sept.
2008
why there was a N.
and S. Korea
|
Didja hear Sarah Palin on Asia?
Perhaps it's a case of aphasia--
She 'stands with our allies
In North [this is no lie]
Korea'--Goddam, does that faze ya?!
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pope Benedict, who provoked outrage when he
said that using condoms could make the AIDS
epidemic worse, now says that they could
be
acceptable in some cases "for a prostitute" |
The Pope says a condom's okay*
*But just if you do it for pay.
That's some limitation:
The world's population
Grows 200,000 per day.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Asked about global warming, Rep. John Shim-
kus (R-IL) said we shouldn’t worry about the
planet
being destroyed because God promised
Noah it
wouldn’t happen again after the great
flood. He wants
to head the Energy Committee |
We'd better start listening to scientists
Or life as we know it will not exist.
Keep raising the heat
And nobody will eat.
It's not like we pray our way outta this.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
America will squander up to $6,000,000,000,000
(six trillion dollars) in Afghanistan
and
Iraq
while China sells the world what we used to make here |
China's not fighting two wars;
They're too busy finding new shores.
It just goes to show
How far you can go
When you are using both oars.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Money and negative ads from a millionaire
candidate and outside groups doomed the
re-election
of Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI),
one
of
the
Senate's
strongest progressives |
Tired of Feingold, Wisconsin
Traded for fool's gold, Ron Johnson.
Veering hard right
Shows a death wish, all right--
Too bad they can't get Charles Bronson.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Pres. Bush writes that Sen. Minority
Leader Mitch McConnell asked him in Sept.
2006 to withdraw some troops from Iraq to
help Republican chances in the midterm elec-
tion [while
both men were blasting Democrats
for
wanting
to "cut and run"] |
C'mon George, y'know I got your back
But goddam it, we're taking some flak!
If we don't cut and run
These elections are done!
Can't you please pull some troops from Iraq?
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Some who like the Second Amendment
don't
care for others that separate
church & state (I),
guarantee citizenship & equal
protection (XIV),
& allow people to elect their Senators (XVII) |
Constitution? They love and defend it*
*Except where it's wrongly amended:
The First and Fourteenth
And, no joke, Seventeenth
Are Amendments they wanna see ended.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After demonstrating how not to run for Governor, Carl Paladino (R-NY) showed how not to concede |
It looked like a scene from Casino:
Election night, Carl Paladino
Picked up a big bat
But before it went splat
They said, "Stop, Carl! Ya lost! No more vino!"
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Presumptive Speaker of the House John Boehner
(R-OH) will be second in line to the presidency |
How's the President? Sure hope he's fine...
And Joe Biden? We ask all the time--
Let's hope Joe and Barack
Keep those art'ries unblocked
Cuz John Boehner's the next one in line.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Do constant, unfounded claims that
President
Obama is weak on
terror embolden
our
enemies? |
Where ignorance passes for reason,
Obama hate's always in season
So turn off Fox News,
Let talk radio snooze
And enjoy a nice day without treason.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Merrill Lynch needs some love after losing billions under
CEO Stanley O'Neal and being taken over by
Bank of America |
When Merrill got lynched it was hard:
They still have such low self-regard
That every last piece
You get from them reads
Important and Do not discard.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A record-breaking Latino turnout helped
save
Senate seats for Barbara Boxer (D-CA, above),
Harry
Reid (D-NV) &
Michael Bennett (D-CO) |
With big corporate interests attacking,
The Democrats took a shellacking
But it woulda been worse
(They'd be calling the hearse)
If Latino support had been lacking.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Despite making false claims about
their military records, Mark Kirk
(R-IL), on l., and Richard
Blu-
menthal (D-CT) were both elected to the Senate |
As long as our leaders inspire,
Who cares if their pants are on fire?
Like Fibber McKirk
And that Blumenthal jerk--
The latest of great Senate liars.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With corporate money flowing to unseat Demo-
crats who voted for reform of healthcare, Wall
Street
and Big Oil, 2010 campaign expenditures
will
total $4 billion, thanks to the Roberts
Supreme
Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations
can spend whatever they want on elections |
Though 4 billion may sound kinda high
For an off-year election (no lie)
There's no need to fret
Because we're gonna get
The best government money can buy.
November, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
As local government attorney, Senate candidate
Joe Miller (R-AK) got a 3-day suspension and
6-month probation after using multiple govern-
ment
computers in 2008 to slam a rival online,
and
then lying about it.
Recently his security
guards handcuffed
a reporter
trying to question
him
at an event
|
Joe Miller the Tea Party fave
Admits that he did misbehave
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
We just wish the a-hole would shave!
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Shown Sharron Angle's (R-NV) anti-
Harry
Reid ad smearing Latinos, The View's Joy Behar
exploded, "I'd like to see her do this ad in the
South Bronx. Come here, bitch! Come to New
York
and do it." |
When fighting back, Dems don't go far enough
Like ex-boxer Reid ("doesn't spar enough").
They might take their cue
From that gal on The View--
At this point they can't go Behar enough.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
U.S. Chamber of Commerce CEO Tom Donohue with former Pres. Bush. The chamber is spending $75,000,000+ in contributions from U.S. and for-
eign companies to defeat Democrats who've voted
for stronger regulation of healthcare, Wall Street
and Big Oil, and
the Chamber has hosted seminars
with Chinese government
officials
to
teach
American
firms how to outsource
|
The United States Chamber of Commerce:
With a name like that they should be for us
But they don't feel funny
'Bout takin' foreign money
And teaching our firms how to outsource.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Carly Fiorina (R-CA) was fired
as Hewlitt Packard CEO with $42 million com-
pensation, after HP's
stock price fell by
half
and
33,000 employees lost their jobs |
And it's Boxer against Fiorina,
The ex-Hewlitt Packard czarina
With yachts on both coasts
And thousands of folks
Who wish that they'd plain never seen 'er.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Young love waits for no one |
i miss u i need u i want u
i can't live this cruel life w/o u
so txt me back quik
or i'll call u a prik
and post lotsa bad thgs abt u
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A gift that will keep on giving
|
This war in Iraq's been a mother
But look what we're leavin' our brothers:
Now Sunnis and Shiites
Have someone to dislike
More than they dislike each other.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
$500 million from anonymous donors will be
spent this year on misleading attack ads, mostly against Democrats who've voted for stronger regulation of healthcare, Wall Street and Big Oil |
These right-wing attack ads are fulla crap
('Fya don't believe me, check Politifact).
They pump out the lies
With big TV buys
And tell us "we're taking our country back."
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Kim Jong Il's youngest son Kim Jong
Eun was
made a 4-star general after 3 years in the military, and
will soon take over as leader
of North Korea |
First North Korea had Kim Il Sung,
Then Kim Jong Il, his eccentric son.
Now that Jong's ill
And going downhill,
Make way for best fed son Kim Jong Eun.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Five American gay teens have committed suicide
in the last two weeks after bullying by classmates |
The bullies who love to harass
The little gay boy in the class
Are keeping a secret
But we're gonna leak it:
They all want a dick up their ass.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Possible side effects of Merck's daily hair loss
pill Propecia include "less desire for sex" and
"difficulty
in achieving an erection" |
Propecia fights baldness, it's said,
But side effects make me see red
(Though baldness is sick,
When you think with your dick
You don't wanna go soft in the head).
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Attempts like the late Rep. Jack
Kemp's (R-NY)
to broaden the base of the Republican party con-
trast with today's 'conservative purity' mindset |
Remember those people like Jack Kemp
Who spoke of a GOP "big tent?"
A storm came along--
Now that big tent's so gone
It's hard to imagine what Jack meant.
October, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Georgia "cure the gays" televangelist Eddie Long vows to fight charges that he coerced young male church members into having sex with him |
Pastor Long keeps getting sued
By young men who say they were screwed.
He says he's been framed
And will fight for his name
(After he saves this next dude).
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Moderate" Republican Senators Susan Collins
(l.) and Olympia Snowe of Maine
disappoint-
ed
Democrats once again by voting
with their
own
party--this time to block
repeal
of "Don't
Ask
Don't
Tell," a law they acknowledged
is unfair
|
As GOP heartbreakers go,
You can't beat Ms. Collins or Snowe.
We court these ol' dames
From Ballbuster, Maine,
But funny, they always say No.
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals
and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains," Tea Party favorite and Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell (R-DE) told Bill O'Reilly on The Factor in 2007 |
The case against stem cells explained:
'We can't let dem mice have our brains!'
Is Christie O'Donnell
Hitting the bottle?
Or too much Tea makes her insane?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Energy Dept. is holding 324 metric tons of bomb-grade uranium at the same time the Obama administration is urging nations to reduce or eliminate their stores of the material, according
to
the Project
on Government Oversight |
America: Please, everyone,
Get rid of your u-ra-ni-um
[The highly enriched
Bomb grade, of which
We only have 300 tons].
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Chuck Grassley
and other prominent Republicans spread fears of
"death panels" if the healthcare bill passed, even
though its provision for Medicare coverage
of
voluntary end-of-life counseling was supported
by numerous Republicans
|
With 2008 to erase,
Republicans must win this race.
To capture the prize,
They're making up lies
So big you can see them from space.
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ) went blank during her opening statement and swore off further debates |
The debate had just barely begun
When the cat got the governor's tongue
But hey by the way
If she's nothing to say
Shouldn't this whole thing be done?
September, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Scared to eat? |
With bad eggs infecting the nation
And oil on your favorite crustacean,
You're so hungry now
You could eat a mad cow...
Enjoying that deregulation?
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Ken Mehlman, who has just come out as
gay,
managed Pres. Bush's 2004 reelection
campaign
as anti-gay
marriage
measures
were
placed
on
state ballots
across
the
country to
drum
up
Republican votes |
Imagine it's gotta be hell, man
Waking up next to Ken Mehlman
Screwed by the one
Who screwed everyone
As closeted GOP chairman.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When NJ lost out on a $400 million federal
education grant by providing the wrong
year's
data on its
application, Gov. Christie
(R-NJ)
blamed
Pres. Obama and the length of
the
application before firing his education
commissioner who'd made the error |
New Jersey blew four hundred mill
In grants from the federal till
By screwing the app up
And blaming the f*ck-up
On Washington, just for the drill.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Federal investigators are focusing on Houston-
based BP
supervisor
John Guide and drilling
engineers Mark Hafle and Brian Morel for
ordering less
safety devices than recommended
on the Deepwater Horizon well. Hafle
and
Morel refused to testify, taking the fifth |
The guys who designed BP's well
Like Hafle and Guide and Morel
Knew less centralizers
And safety devices
Would cut their time drilling to hell.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama is a Christian who prays daily, the White House said to address growing doubts. Opponents portray Obama as a dangerous
outsider, though he's American born,
goes to
church, and won by nearly nine million votes |
A Pew poll of public opinion
Asked, "What is Obama's religion?"
Nearly half had no clue
If he's Christian or Jew;
Eighteen percent put it as Islam.
When Time Magazine asked the same,
That last number had a big gain.
Now one in four said
He's Muslim. (That's bad.
America, where is your brain?)
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
An Islamic center is planned two blocks from the new World Trade Center at NY's Ground Zero |
Put the mosque in the Trade Center
And welcome the faithful who enter.
(The day no one's there,
Run for the stairs
And don't be the first to re-enter.)
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
A former college classmate told GQ that fellow
swim team members Rand
Paul and a
friend,
who'd been smoking pot, blindfolded
and
kid-
napped her in college
and
tried to
force her
to
take bong hits. When she
refused, they
made
her kneel in a creek and "worship their
God,
Aqua
Buddha" |
Rand kidnapped a coed at Baylor
(But just to get stoned, not to nail her).
His caper went wrong
When he showed her his bong
(Alas, she was not an inhaler).
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
By doing big energy deals with Tehran, Russia, China, Turkey and India are flouting the West's
new sanctions intended to halt Iran's nuclear
program
|
Iranian sanctions won't work:
The Russians and Chinese and Turks
Are all overjoyed
To be filling the void,
And don't care if we think they're jerks.
August, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
If all the bills passed by the House under Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) were passed by the Senate
and signed by Pres. Obama, we'd have the change
we were looking for |
You'd think that this mother of five's
The worst human being alive!
Rightwingers condemn her
But come this November
Watch Nancy Pelosi survive.
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama with Pakistani Pres. Zardari.
Wiki-Leaked documents show that Pakistan,
which has received
$18 billion in U.S.
aid since
9/11, is
helping
the Taliban in Afghanistan |
Now guess who's been helping the Taliban:
None other than our friends in Pakistan!
(Though powerfully paid
In American aid,
Some live just to hurt an American.)
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republican Senators blocked extension of
jobless benefits
to 1.7 million
Americans
until Democrats broke their filibuster
|
The job bill's dead. They filibustered it
"Because it would increase the deficit."
No money for jobs
But for war they've got gobs.
Republican wisdom is infinite.
July, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When Larry King tried to shake hands with
murder defendant O.J. Simpson in court, an
officer
had to tell him three times to stop.
"Rebuffed, King gave Simpson a hang-in-there
gesture," wrote Dominick Dunne, who said
King later confided that Simpson told
him,
"Thank you for being so supportive."
( Vanity
Fair,
April 1995) |
When someone screws up in a big way,
Forgive and forget--that's what we say.
(Like, wasn't it tender
How Mr. Suspenders
Stayed best friends forever with
O. J.?)
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Make us whole"
|
People were lined 'round the block
This morning at seven o'clock.
"What's going on?" I say.
"New iPhone's out today!"
iShoulda bought Apple stock.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The Rolling Stone article that felled Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal cites the poor record of couinterinsurgencies:
the
French in Algeria, Americans in Vietnam, Soviets in Afghanistan... |
While Stanley McChrystal is gone,
The Afghan quagmire lives on.
Do we ignore history?
Counterinsurgencies
Seldom if ever are won.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The UN reports that in our ninth year in Afghanistan, insurgent violence is up sharply. Support our troops--
Bring them home! |
If foreign troops marched down our streets
We'd plant roadside bombs till they leave.
And if their bombs rained
From pilotless planes
We'd all be insurgents indeed.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Slap the next guy who says "Back in the day"...
pass it on |
"Back in the day, [blah blah blah, blah blah blah]."
"At the end of the day, [blah blah blah]."
"Hey, it's all good," they say.
Can't take one more cliché?
Close your ears and go, "La la la la..."
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) apologized to CEO
Tony Hayward
for the White House's
"shakedown"
of BP for a $20 billion "slush fund" |
REPUBLICAN OFFERS APOLOGY
And tells CEO it's a "tragedy"
That BP must pay
For its little mistake
--Just what you'd expect from the GOP.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Some Brits are angry at BP's suspension of dividends to pay for its mess in the gulf |
Quite loath to be dividend-free,
Some Brits are defending BP.
(Payin' for the gusher
Means pensions will suffer
And money trumps morals, you see.)
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own
money to
win the GOP nomination for
governor of California |
Republicans get an erection
Whenever they buy an election.
With Meg, better yet--
She writes her own checks!
We're screwed, and they won't use protection.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In its flouting of consequences, the Republicans' "Drill, baby, drill" is eerily similar to the
catch-
phrase of the 60's
race riots, "Burn,
baby,
burn" |
To every last fish in the killing sea
And turtle and oyster and manatee
And seabird and whale
And all else we failed
We're sorry for our damned stupidity.
June, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many Israelis recognize that only outside pressure will push their country away from apartheid and toward a two-state solution with the Palestinians |
When sanctioned by governments worldwide,
South Africa ended apartheid.
Now in the Mideast
Will there ever be peace
Till Israel loses its dark side?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
From live video feed of the oil gushing into the
Gulf of Mexico |
Rand Paul says Obama should get
His boot offa poor BP's neck
Cuz "that's un-American...
Accidents happen..."
Can we cap the well with this dreck?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rand Paul (R-KY) said the Civil Rights and Fair Housing
Acts encroach on a business's right to discriminate |
To Tea Bagger Rand of Kentucky
The Civil Rights Act is horsepucky.
'You should have the right
Not to serve a non-white...'
Just me, or does this tea taste yucky?
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)
said he
served in Vietnam but never did |
While on a big whopper they're chokin'
And leaving supporters heartbroken,
Pols never say "I
Am sorry I lied..."
It's always, "I may have misspoken."
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Those demanding "less government" should
ask
just
how much less we can stand |
Toyota put growth over safety
And so did their soulmates at BP
While NHTSA and MMS
Did their jobs less and less,
Failing so badly it's creepy.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When fat cats give assurances, cover your ears
and go "La la la la la" |
The Titanic, they said, was unsinkable
Another big oil spill unthinkable
The '29 crash?
That was "all in the past"...
The worst part? We're still so hoodwinkable.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Anti-gay activist George Rekers quit NARTH,
his "cure the homosexuals" group, after going
to Europe with a male prostitute |
I hired him to carry my bags!
You know I'm not one of those fags!
I taught him the gospel!
[He gave you an assfull.
Now your reputation's in rags.]
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Halliburton followed BP's cement design, which
was thin
and didn't allow for proper testing,
according to experts |
They're ripping us off in two wars
And spilling oil onto our shores.
If you look for dirt on
BP/Halliburton
You'll find it all over these whores.
May, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The oil slick from a BP rig that exploded,
kill-
ing
11
workers, is headed for land as
200,000
gallons a day
leak
into the Gulf of
Mexico |
The gulf has an oil slick so dire
They're setting the whole thing on fire.
If anyone still
Insists we can drill
Safely offshore, he's a liar.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
17 senior SEC officers spent the
meltdown
downloading pornography,
according to a
government report |
Amid the financial catastrophe
Guess what they were doin' at the SEC!
Were they bustin' jerkoffs
Like Goldman or Madoff?
Nah...too busy watchin' pornography.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Just in the month prior to the
explosion that
killed 29 coal miners, Massey Energy
was
cited
for 57 violations at Big Branch
that
included
repeatedly failing to develop a
ventilation plan |
Inside the mountain they crawl
So we'll have a light on the wall.
Day after day
Sent into harm's way
Like soldiers they die for us all.
April, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Republicans in the Senate have become "lawbortionists,"
killing even bills they
once supported...just to thwart
majority rule
|
Democracy loses its luster
When stick-in-the-muds filibuster.
A Senate bill dies
With 59 Ayes
If 41 Nays they can muster.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
300 bills passed by the House have died in the Senate, due
to unprecedented Republican
filibusters |
(As killing oneself is called suicide
And killing another is homicide)
When Senators kill
Every bill on the Hill,
The word for their crime is democracide.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Big Business masterfully confused Americans
over
healthcare reform, convincing many that it
was a handout
to
others that wouldn't benefit themselves |
"Less government!" Tea Baggers sing,
Delighting those pulling their strings
(Fat cats who'll relax when
They're paying no tax and
We deregulate everything).
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
MSNBC's Rachel Maddow derided Sen. Scott Brown's fundraising canard that she's planning
to run against him |
Two months past a win that was stunning
Scott Brown shows Republican cunning.
He's raising big dough
To stave off his 'next foe'
(A woman who's not even running).
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
When President Obama signed healthcare
reform
into
law, Vice President Biden
couldn't
contain his enthusiasm
and
dropped
an F-bomb by an open mic |
When health reform passed, how'd you feel?
Like, pinch me--this cannot be real!
Psst...I felt that way
When I heard Biden say,
"This is a big f*cking deal!"
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Over 100 billion cubic meters of natural gas
are
flared
or burned off annually (Cough) |
Something looked wrong out the window
Black smoke above El Segundo
Flames jetting high
From a torch in the sky
--A burn-off from our friends at ARCO.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
With colorful admissions meant to be
denials,
former
Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY)
resigned
from the House after
male staffers
alleged
sexual harassment |
Tickle me into a tizzy
Snorkle me until you're dizzy
When you come up for air
You can tousle my hair...
I like when my congressman's busy.
March, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Visitors can now carry concealed, loaded
firearms into national parks, thanks to a new
law
passed by Congress
as an amendment to
credit
card legislation |
I'm takin' my gun up to Yellowstone
(Dem bison and me might not get along)
...How long will it take
Till we fix this mistake?
A national park's where guns don't belong.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), top Republican on the House
Budget Committee, wants to privatize
Social Security
and Medicare |
They want to end Social Security
Cuz they know what's better for you and me
(They'd let us get trounced
In private accounts
And wipe out that quaint little guarantee).
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
John McCain's daughter Meghan shown
opposing Prop. 8 which outlawed same-sex
marriage in California |
Wondering where all the mod'rates went?
Right now a few would be heaven-sent.
The party of Reagan
Could use more like Meghan--
John McCain's finest accomplishment.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
The 1999 repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act,
which
separated commercial and investment
banks after the
1929 crash, helped bring about
the 2008 crash |
Money's the root of all evil
(Since they repealed Glass-Steagall).
Now brokers are "bankers"
And these Wall Street wankers
Sell products that shouldn't be legal.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) (l.) blew a gasket
when Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Admiral
Mike Mullen (r.) and
Secretary of
Defense
Robert Gates testified in favor of
letting
gays
serve
openly in the military |
'Dja see where McCain got all sullen
And tore into Gates and Mike Mullen
When they urged farewell
To "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?"
The "maverick" looked like the dull 'un.
February, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
James O'Keefe III, shown with Hannah Giles
in their
ACORN get-up, was arrested at
Sen.
Mary
Landrieu's (D-LA) office with a group impersonating telephone repairmen, in a failed attempt
to
record staff conversations |
When James played a pimp to Miss Giles,
They looked like Right Wingers Gone Wild.
But his latest scam
As a phone repair man
Went nowhere...guess clothes make the child.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
After selling Britain a war it didn't need, former
Prime Minister Tony Blair now earns $1.2
million
as a consultant with luxury-goods
purveyor Louis Vuitton |
It's three years since Tony's been gone,
Undone by his Iraqi con.
And now Bush's poodle
Is making a boodle
Consulting for Louis Vuitton.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Chief Justice Roberts, shown flubbing Pres.
Obama's oath
of
office, led the Supreme
Court's 5-4 ruling that corporations can spend whatever they want on elections |
We voted for change with the POTUS--
Too bad we can't do that with SCOTUS.
We're stuck with John Roberts,
Scalia and Thomas
For life...and they're nuts, if you notice.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Democrats may want to lighten the load and
pass all the legislation they can with simple majorities, as Pres. Bush
did with tax cuts |
Hey, run a bad race and you'll lose it
(Even in blue Massachusetts)
But now's not the time
To die on the vine--
You've got the majority...Use it!
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Scott Brown (R-MA), Ted Kennedy's Senate replacement,
won Cosmopolitan's "America's
Sexiest Man" in 1982 |
From pinup to senator...Wow!
Great country we live in, and how.
The body looks grand
But under that hand
He's not hiding much, is he now?
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rush Limbaugh |
Unmoved by a subject so weighty,
Rush Limbaugh said, Don't give to Haiti.
Our troops there, he feels,
Are just "meals on wheels"
[All this from a prick who's 280].
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
RNC Chairman
Michael Steele compared
Sen.
Harry
Reid's
(D-NV) patronizing
remarks
about
then-Sen.
Obama, whom Reid backed,
to ex-Sen. Trent Lott's (R-MS) statement
that
the
country would have been
better off
if segregationist
Strom Thurmond
had
won
the
White House
|
Watch out, Harry Reid, we will bury ya
With misleading racial hysteria!
Yes, ol' Michael Steele
Is keepin' it real
As Phoniest Man in America.
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
 
Rudy Guiliani (l.), Dana Perino and Mary
Matalin have all claimed recently that the U.S.
was not
attacked under
Pres. Bush (r.),
shown
after getting word of the 9-11 attack |
Hey Rudy, your head's up your tush:
"We
weren't attacked under Bush"?!
Recall 9-11
When hell fell from heaven
And he was like out smokin' kush?
January, 2010
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) |
The man with the grey bow-tie hair
Occasionally
does get a stare.
It's thin up the middle
But with enough spittle
That silly thing wouldn't be there.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) apparently does
not
have God's ear in the healthcare debate
|
The country "should pray," and we quote,
"That somebody can't make the vote."
But Tom's lil' prayer fell flat--
All sixty Democrats
Voted, and no one got smote.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), who promised
voters he'd push
for universal healthcare
and expansion of Medicare to
age
55+,
blocked both in the Senate |
Obstructionist Joe from Connecticut
Says healthcare will drive up the deficit.
Then stop voting for
Perpetual war,
You hypocrite. That's where the money went.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Though the majority of Americans support a publicly run insurance plan option, the Senate
has
dropped it from the healthcare bill due to opposition from (clockwise from left) Senators Lincoln (D-AR), Nelson (D-NE), Landrieu
(D-LA)
and Liebermann (I-CT). Senate Majority
Leader Harry
Reid
(D-NV, shown center) needs
60 votes to pass the bill |
Our healthcare reform hopes are sinkin'
With Landrieu and Nelson and Lincoln.
Their hard opposition
To real competition
Has lobbyists everywhere winkin'.
December, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Uninvited White House guests the Salahis are
the most
famous gate crashers in history, after
the Trojan horse |
We'll just kind of push our way through
You still have those e-mails with you?
Act like you belong
They won't know what's wrong...
"Oh President, how do you do?"
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Our trustworthy Afghan partner Pres. Karzai reviews American troops, sort of |
Let's send more troops to Afghanistan
And when they come home, send 'em back again.
As we dig in for
A Hundred Year War
Who's crazier...we or the Taliban?
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Pres. Obama, shown honoring soldiers killed
in Afghanistan, sent 30,000 more troops over
the objections of Karl Eikenberry, U.S.
Ambassador and former
commander there |
Ambassador Karl Eikenberry
Said 'Don't send more troops. It's too hairy.
The government's f*cked,
Karzai's too corrupt...'
So how many more must we bury?
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Switzerland's ban on new Islamic towers,
approved by
57% of voters, was called
discriminatory by the UN
human
rights chief |
Come ski the Swiss Alps, drink our beer
Partake of the quaint atmosphere
But we been a-votin'
And one thing's verboten:
You can't put your minarets here.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Giving hardliners a taste of their own rhetoric |
King George is dead, Tea Bag--believe it--
And so's his tax, though you perceive it.
This President won
By 9 million, son.
America: Love it or Leave it.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
In Noblesville IN hundreds of supporters
were left
standing in the rain after waiting
hours
to get their
books
signed by Sarah
Palin,
whose bus
drove off to
boos and
chants
of "Quittin' on the job!"
|
You left me out here in the rain--
Ms. Palin, do you feel my pain?
I bought your new book
But you never looked.
Signed, TOO HURT TO GO ROGUE AGAIN--
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
George W. Bush lowered the bar for
presidential visits to China |
Is nu-cle-ar so hard to say?
George Bush couldn't say it that way
And though it behooved him
He never improved and
Says nu-cu-lar still to this day.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Discussing where 9-11 plotter Khalid Sheikh Mohammed should be tried, Fox TV host Bill O'Reilly told former judge Andrew Napolitano,
"I don't
care
about the
Constitution!...Don't be
a pinhead" |
Now show some respect and be smiley
(I'll cutcha off if you get wily)
Don't make like you're bright;
What I say is right!
--Advice For My Guests, Bill O'Reilly
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Lou Dobbs still questions President Obama's
birth
certificate and American citizenship |
Lou, now that you've left CNN
And may run for Prez in the end
Please show us in triplicate
Your birth certificate--
Prove you're an earthling, my friend.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
After squeaking by in the House, healthcare
reform
faces an even tougher fight in the
Senate |
The House passed reform...what the hell!
By two lousy votes...gee that's swell.
Our Hope springs eternal--
Now may our infernal
House of Lords pass it as well.
November, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) wants
Americans to
be "armed and dangerous"
against
the global warming
bill, and to go
to
Washington to "see the whites
of the
eyes" of their
Congressmen
to fight
healthcare reform
|
'We don't have to fight global warming
Or do any healthcare reforming.'
Oh please, doctor, clear
Her head from her rear
Where all these ideas keep on forming!
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Nothing the President does is right with
Liz Cheney or
her father, the former
Vice President |
To speak as a daughter is charming
In some cases even disarming
But not when, like Pop,
You're bitching non-stop
And constantly being alarming.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he'll join Republicans in blocking a vote on health care
reform |
So who ran for veep with Al Gore
But
loves John McCain even more?
Your hint: has a sad face
(Or two) and a big taste
For insurance profits and war.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
President Obama's outreach to the Muslim
world and contribution to a "new climate in
international politics"
were cited in his award
of the Nobel Peace Prize |
Where those on the right hear "apology"
The rest of the world sees diplomacy.
When the noise gets too loud
From the fault-finding crowd
Thank God there's the rest of the world to see.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
The White House delayed a meeting with the
Dalai Lama,
exiled Tibetan spiritual leader, to
gain favor with China,
the Washington Post
reported |
"Hello Dalai? This is Barack.
I'd love to meet with you, no crock.
But now's not the time--
See, China might mind
And cut off our funds...sorry, doc."
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
celebrated
when
Chicago lost its bid to host
the 2016 Olympics |
The U.S. won't host the Olympics
And some people think that's terrific.
No jobs will arrive,
No boost to our pride--
And still they cheer...how patriotic.
October, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
New York's Empire State Building was lit in
red and
yellow to celebrate the 60th anni-
versary of the founding
of
the
People's
Republic of China |
The Empire State Building fellow
Explained why it's lit red and yellow:
"We made it look nifty--
Red China turned 60!"
(And we've turned into a bordello.)
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) |
'The GOP health plan is Don't get sick--
And if you do, pray you go nice 'n quick.'
As Congressman Grayson
Explained to the nation,
They've got no solutions, just rhetoric.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) yelled "You lie!"
when President Obama told a Joint Session
of
Congress that proposed
health care
reform
wouldn't
benefit illegal immigrants |
"You lie!" shouted Congressman Joe,
Disrupting the President's show.
"My words were spontaneous..."
[As well as spurious.
Check your facts next time, you schmo.]
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Some Republicans called President Obama's
back-to-
school address an attempt to
indoctrinate America's
schoollchildren
with his "socialist idelogy" |
A sure sign we're hitting the skids:
The Prez wants to talk to your kids
'Bout staying in school
But don't let him, fool--
Teach "Just Say No" when greatness bids.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Rush Limbaugh (l.) and Glenn Beck
|
The biggest blowhards in the land
And little white sheep they command
Spent eight years in clover
While Bush f*cked us over.
Now they're blaming who? The black man.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Senators Orrin Hatch (R-UT) and John
McCain (R-AZ)
said they missed the late
Sen.
Ted Kennedy's leadership
on health
care,
even though both voted
against the
Kennedy
bill in committee |
Guys, if for reform you're not ready
Cuz Insurance Money's too steady
For once in your life
Just vote for what's right?!
If not for us, do it for Teddy.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Despite getting $170,000 per game, former
slugger Manny Ramirez' lackluster perform-
ance
since
returning from suspension helped
doom the
Dodgers'
2009 pennant race |
Your
slow butt and dull bat are peerless;
You're cold as a ditch digger's rear is.
If Torre is smart
He'll bench you, you fart.
Meet LVP Manny Ramirez.
September, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Abdel Basset Ali Megrahi (l.), convicted for
bombing
Flight 103 over Scotland, with
Ghadafi's son upon
arrival in Libya |
Megrahi bombed Flight 103--
So why in the hell is he free?
The Scots cite his cancer
But some think the answer
Is Libya's deal with BP.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Armed protestor William Kostric outside
presidential town hall in Portsmouth NH |
A town hall is coming--how fun!
Hey, just for show I'll bring a gun.
(I may be a zero
But I'll be a hero
To every jerk under the sun.)
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
"Blue Dog Democrat" Sen. Max Baucus
(D-MT) talks
health care with Sen.
Chuck Grassley (R-IA) |
When blue dogs lie down with red cats
They stink of unnatural acts.
The Change we believe in
Ends up in the trash bin
...Thanks to these Republicrats.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) left TV's
Dancing with
the Stars with stress
fractures in both feet |
So Dancing w' the Stars got DeLay?
The old termite man? You don't say!
From shame and indictment
To fame and excitement...
God, make this big bug go away.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Rep. John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Eric Cantor
(R-VA)
and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) |
Bipartisanship's a delusion
With Boehner and crew in collusion.
It boggles the mind
Why Dems waste their time...
Wake up, donkeys! You're the solution!
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin riding a pony. A closer look reveals "bitch tits" |
Women worldwide are salutin'
Bare-chested Vladimir Putin.
He's evil, of course
But on a wee horse
He looks purty good, yer darn tootin'.
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Sen. Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned
with 16
months left in his term to pursue
other opportunities |
Martinez and Palin and Lott
Won races, then quit on the spot.
They'll rake in the dough
Wherever they go
(And oh, for your vote thanks alot).
August, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA) in his
Twitter
video discussing state's
budget crisis |
For Arnold it's been such a blast...
Running a state on bombast.
But when history's written
This camera-smitten
Guv'll be rated near last.
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA) |
It really is so hard to kindle
Any love for Bobby Jindal.
He pooh-poohed the stimulus,
Then took the check from us,
Signed his own name...what a swindle!
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) resigned with
18 months left in her term
|
The planets and stars were aligned
The day Sarah Palin resigned.
Of her own volition
The guvnor went fishin'
And left fishy guvnin' behind.
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Sen. John Ensign (R-NV)
|
John Ensign was seeing the Mrs.
Of his chief of staff (hold your hisses).
John's dad crossed her hand
With ninety-six grand:
"Now leave John alone...Hugs and kisses."
July, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) |
The old "Appalachian trail"
Turned out to be a tall tale.
With a Father's Day trip
To his Argentine chick
Mark Sanford touched the third rail.
June, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA) |
Her chat with an Israeli spy
Was taped by our own FBI.
'Jane Harman's the name
And chutzpah's my game.
Reduce all your charges? I'll try.'
April, 2009
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) |
Blagojevich set a new low
For governors grubbing some dough.
He thought it'd be neat
To sell Barack's seat--
Now that's an impeachable ho!
December, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
The late Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) narrowly lost
re-election in 2008 after his federal corruption conviction, which was later overturned on the
grounds
of gross prosecutorial misconduct.
Stevens
died in
a plane crash August 9, 2010,
and was eulogized as
the
"patron of Alaska" |
Ted Stevens' A-frame got bigger
Thanks to an oilman...go figure.
With gifts underfoot
Ted counted his loot
And brought home the earmarks with vigor.
November, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber, questions candidate Obama in Ohio |
With back taxes owed since last summer
And no plumbing license (a bummer),
He claimed to be buying
His firm (he was lying).
Just wear your boots 'round Joe the Plumber.
October, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) |
The best looking guy in the race
Had nary a hair out of place
But when it came out
That he was a lout
The egg was all over his face.
August, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D-NY) |
As governor of New York State
Herr Spitzer ran off on his mate.
But it's not his morals
With which we would quarrel--
It's that he paid ten grand per date!
March, 2008
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) |
There once was a Larry named Craig
Whose self-hate was easy to peg.
He kept voting nay
On all matters gay
While for a good man he would beg.
August, 2007
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Bill Jefferson (D-LA) |
A Jefferson named "Dollar Bill"
Kept ninety grand where it could chill
And though he had burned 'em
The people returned him
To serve one more term on the Hill.
November, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) |
There once was a Foley named Mark
About whom we were in the dark
Until his outrageous
Emails to pages
Caused all the young dudes to narc.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R-WY) |
'Now fear this!' Dick Cheney would cry,
'There'll be mushroom clouds in the sky
With dubya-M-Ds
And anthrax disease...
If you don't vote for us, you'll die!'
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
|
James Inhofe (R-OK) |
Among other pitiful jokes
He called global warming a hoax.
Jim Inhofe's a loyal
Friend of Big Oil
And for them he'll toil till he croaks.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Many Americans hated the French for
not joining the invasion of Iraq
|
Don't eat those potatoes au gratin!
It's Freedom Fries now, ya forgotten?
If it's French, send it back!
[For not whacking Iraq?
Just how dumb has this country gotten?!]
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Over seven years passed between two
presidents' declarations that major combat operations
were over in Iraq:
Bush (May
1,
2003)
and
Obama (August 31,
2010) |
Iraqis have suffered too long!
It's time to go take out Saddam.
They'll greet us with flowers,
We'll win it in hours
And hurry home. What could go wrong?
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top |
Of the 1992 presidential candidates, only Ross
Perot opposed the North American Free Trade Agreement--predicting a "giant
sucking
sound"
of U.S. manufacturing
jobs
going south. Indeed,
the U.S.
would lose over 1 million jobs
to
NAFTA
(1993-2004), and 2.4 million more to China's entry into the
World
Trade
Organization (2001-2009)-- Economic
Policy Institute |
When they shoved free trade up our ass
The jobs started goin' away fast
And both parties tried
To promise blue sky
But skies have remained overcast.
September, 2006
© Robert C. Keating
Top
News Limericks and Political Limericks
Poetry for the 99%
|
News Limericks, Political Limericks 
